


Love and Literature

by Monimi006



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Abuse, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Grief, High School, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-04-04 07:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14015004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monimi006/pseuds/Monimi006
Summary: After being persuaded by his childhood friend Sayori, a boy named Kazuma grudgingly joins the Doki Doki Literature Club. Soon, he finds himself falling in love with a certain pink-haired, manga-loving baker...





	1. In For A Cupcake

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is probably gonna be a little boring, but I'm using this as mostly exposition for Kazumas (the Protagonist) character. The next chapter will be more in tune with the game, but don't expect it to be word-for-word! After all, if it was just like the game, you might as well just play it! I'm also taking a few liberties with the characters as I'm getting a sense of how I want to write them. Regardless, I hope you enjoy! A follow and review would mean a lot!

The piercing chirps of my alarm clock greet me to a rude (but routine) awakening. Groggily, I run my hands across my nightstand in search of my clock, finally grasping the plastic device. I squint through the darkness as I try to read the time.

7:01am. Monday.

I sigh, and toss my blankets aside as I prop myself up on my bed. I get up and start to stretch, gazing out the window of my bedroom. Sunrise begins to break through the gloomy clouds, washing away evidence of last night's rainstorm. I open my drawer and dig for my phone, the harsh glare almost blinding my frail eyes. I scroll through the notifications that built up overnight. Boring news reports, some kinda funny memes, same old same old...nothing terribly interesting.

I tap away to my music playlist, pulling up my select favorites. Soon a sweet but somber piano cover fills my ears as I walk into my small bathroom. I start to undress as I begin fiddling with the nozzles, turning them to just the right temperature. As I squirt a dollop of soap into my hair and begin to scrub, I take a moment to let the soothing hot water rush over me as I try to gain my thoughts for the day ahead.

Assuming she wakes up on time, I'll probably walk to school with Sayori, my bright-spirited, happy-go-lucky friend since our primary years. We've been relatively distant since the semester started, but in recent weeks we've been walking to school together just about every day in the mornings. She'll probably bug me again about joining a club (despite my repeated objections to the otherwise). Call me anti-social, but I cherish the little free time I have after school (which I admittedly use more for leisure instead off doing my schoolwork) and no club has ever felt important enough to me to give those couple of hours to myself up.

Plus, I know when Sayori tells me she wants to see me join a club, it's because she wants me to join her club, the 'Doki Doki Literature Club' (she didn't come up with the name). From what she's told me (other than that she's adopted the title of 'Vice-President'), she only has three other members excluding herself, and they've been struggling for a while to find new members (I wonder why that could be?)) Bless her sweet yet oblivious heart, but pouring out my feelings onto a piece of paper isn't exactly my forte. I especially don't want to make a fool of myself when my work doesn't hold up to others (work I'm not getting a credit for, nonetheless!).

I finish up with my shower and step out, a fluffy towel wrapped around my waist. I reach for another towel and begin to dry my damp black hair. I toss the towel aside as I dig into my closet for my pressed school uniform (a brown blazer, deep orange vest, white shirt and a red tie with blue jeans to match.) I grab my comb and start to style my hair, while also grabbing a toothbrush with my free hand. Compared to other schools, it's a pretty stylish look. I feel bad for those American students who have to wear just a polo and pants, how boring...

I rinse my mouth and head out the door, taking a final look in the mirror (handsome as ever, I jokingly say to myself). Almost tiptoeing, I quietly step downstairs as to not wake my parents. They work late in the day and don't come home till early 'am the next day, so these early hours are really the only time they have to sleep. I creep into the kitchen and look in the fridge for a quick snack before I leave.

Eggs? Too complex. Cereal? Cant stay for long. Smoothie? Too loud...aha! My eyes focus on a chocolate chip Rice Krispie bar. I grab the snack and slip it into my pocket. I head for the door and start making my way to the front gate. I glance down at my phone. 7:40. School starts at 8:45. A brisk 10 minute walk to the campus, then maybe finding a place to sit and hop back into this new manga I started reading. It was slow going at first, but now it seems things are finally about to pick u-

"Hi, Kazuma!"

"Gah!"

I almost fall flat on my butt, but I grab the fence for support. Standing in front of me is Sayori, her genuine smile beaming at me. She giggles at my clumsiness, not offering to help me up. Not because she was being rude, but Sayori hasn't been one to pick up on social customs. I lurch forward and dust myself off. "Jeez, Sayori. Trying to give me a heart attack?"

She laughs. "Ehehe, don't be so dramatic, Kazuma! I'm sure those mangas you love give you far worse scares then I could." I roll my eyes and start walking towards the campus, Sayori right beside me.

"So how was your weekend, 'zuma?" I laugh a little. That dumb nickname she gave me when we were kids (all because she misheard my name on the attendance roster) has still stuck, all these years later.

"Oh, y'know. Usual stuff. Finished up some classwork, tried to start reading a new manga. Pretty dull. Yours?"

She pauses for a moment, carefully thinking of her choice of words.

"Eheh, just at home. You know how lazy I am." She says with a laugh. I nod in acknowledgement.

A car speeds by, and splashes up a large puddle on the road. Instinctively, I push myself and Sayori out of the way. The water splashes onto the sidewalk, leaving a dark streak on the pavement.

"You okay?" I say to Sayori. Sayori tries to say something, but her voice gets tangled in her throat. Her cheeks are blushing hard.

Confused, I glance down. My hands were sorta wrapped around her shoulders, but they were also a bit close to her...

I immediately pull away. "Sorry." I mutter. "Sorry."

Red still on her cheeks, she mutters out a quiet "I-its okay..." An awkward silence lingers for about a minute. Trying to break this awkward tension I unintentionally created,. I dig into my pocket and find the Rice Krispie bar. "So, um...you hungry? I got you a present." She turns to me and looks at the bar. A smile breaks on her face, her entire demeanor before changed. "Oooh! Gimme gimme gimme!" She says, trying to reach the bar I teasingly hold out of her reach. She playfully pounds my chest. "Meanie!"

"Okay! Here." I hand the bar to her, and in seconds she has it open and a chunk of it in her mouth.

"Itsch sho' good!", She says through a full mouth, swallowing her bite. "Thank you, Kazuma."

I shrug. "Well, friends have to look out for friends. Don't mention it." When I say this, Sayoris face kind of contorts into some unusual emotion I cant place. She nods, and continues eating the breakfast bar.

As we approach the school, the influx of students grows greater, the sounds of indistinct chatting getting louder. Seeing all the couples holding hands and walking together makes me feel slightly awkward, what with someone like Sayori at my side. We walk through the gates of the school, an expansive campus complete with its own koi pond and fully staffed cafe. I stroll through the halls of the school, passing by the endless doors of classrooms and eventually reach the entrance to the cafeteria. Sayori still trails behind me.

"So, have you thought about joining any clubs yet?" Sayori quips, tossing her wrapper in a trash bin. I ponder my response for a moment. "Well...I was thinking about joining the anime club, but I wasn't really sure." I say, a hint of unenthusiasm in my voice. Of course, I didn't really have any interest in joining. If an anime club is anything like how bad certain fan communities can get, then that is something I want no part in.

"Kazuma, you can't be serious! Don't you watch enough of that at home? Wouldn't you want to join a club that, y'know, expands your horizons? Makes you think a little?"

"Don't I think enough at school, Sayori?" I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I push through the doors into the cafe, where dozens of kids are scattered about the tables, eating their breakfast. I stroll to a row of vending machines and pull out my billfold.

"Not like that! But in a good way! Thinking without restriction. No grades or anything, just thinking for fun!"

Peering through the display filled with colorfully-packaged drinks and snacks, I eye my usual morning drink, a chilled coffee. I push a button and the machine gives a soft electric whir as it dispenses my beverage.

"You know, this club kinda sounds familiar." I respond. Sayori perks up. "Really?" I grab my drink from it's holder and start to open it. "Yeah, and I think I know someone who's in it, too. She's the vice president, I think?" A sly smile escapes my lips. Sayori gives me a look.

"Ooohkay, fine! You know me too well. It's the Literature Club."

"Sayori-"

Without warning, Sayori grabs me by my blazer and shakes me, almost making me spill my drink.

"Oh, plllleeeeassse Kazuma? Can you at least consider joining it? We're really desperate for another member, and we want at least one new person in our club before the festival next week! " Sayori says, a trace of desperation in her voice.

I remember in primary school when Sayori would finish her cookie that she had at lunch time, then she would use that same voice to ask me over and over for my cookie until I just got annoyed and gave it to her. Well, her begging won't work this time. I pull my poker face. "Give me one good reason." She grins. "Actually, I can give you two! For one, one of our members baked a tray of cupcakes for our meeting today! They are some of the best I've ever tasted, you have to stop by for at least one!"

I think about it for a moment. I do have a sweet tooth and Sayori knows it, playing into my weaknesses like a lion does an injured antelope. Plus, Sayori knows a thing or two about good food, since she's constantly hungry. I guess one bite couldn't hurt...

My mind snaps back to reality. "And the other reason?"

"Oh, umm..." She does this cute tick she has where she taps both of her index fingers together. "I may have told our club leader I would get us a new club member by today?" She laughs awkwardly.

Hearing this, I almost choke on my coffee. "Sayori!" I say, exasperated. "Don't make promises you don't know if you can keep!"

She waves it off. "I don't need to sorry about that, because you are at least gonna stop by for a cupcake, riiiiight?" She says, leaning in slightly.

I think about my usual routine after school. Walk home, unwind, take a shower, then do nothing except read manga and do some classwork. About as exciting of a day as wet cardboard, so it's not like I have any other commitments that would stop me from going. Pllus, it'll make Sayori happy. And how can I say no to a face like that?

"Alright, Sayori. I'll go, as long as you meet me after final bell at my class to take me to where it iis."

Sayoris face lights up like a Christmas tree. "Really?! Ohhh, thankyouthankyouthankyou!" She squeals, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I can't help but blush, darting my eyes around. Nobody seemed to notice.

The bell rings, signifying the start of first period. I say goodbye to Sayori, who happily strolls off in the opposite direction. I walk back outside and take another sip of my drink, the smells of the morning dew flooding my nostrils. My thoughts linger back to Sayori and the Literature Club. Would I really be happy spending upwards of an hour after school at a writing club? I mean, at least it might help me improve my writing skills, and in turn help my grade in class.

'And I'm doing this all for a cupcake', I think with a laugh.

I mingle with the crowd of students, trying to reach my class. I move with the crowd and head inside the main building, walking up the stairs to the second floor. I let out a long, quiet sigh. Another boring day awaits. I don't share any classes with Sayori, which are mostly filled with a bunch of random students with a few other boys that fit the title of 'acquaintance' rather than 'friend'. Maybe joining Sayoris club will give me a group of people I can actually consider my friends, literature fans or not.

Or, perhaps, something more?

I guzzle the remainder of my drink and toss the can into a recycling bin, checking my phone one last time before turning it off (phone usage in class is strictly forbidden and getting caught results in having it confiscated and a hefty fine to go with it). I hastily shove my phone into my bag.

Sigh. Calculus. My favorite.

I step inside the class.


	2. Welcome to the Club!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will read in this chapter, I'm using some of the dialogue from Act 1 to make things familiar to any DDLC fan, but also taking them in my own direction! As I said before, don't expect this story to be a carbon copy of the game. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this chapter (which I didn't expect to be this long). A follow and review is always appreciated! I'm always open to constructive critique. Thank you!

As soon as the final bell rang, the class became abuzz with activity, student and teacher unanimously eager to go home. I stood up and started gathering my papers together, hastily shoving them into my bag. As much as I wanted to make Sayori happy, I felt a certain uneasiness about going to this meeting. What if I don't fit in with these people? What if they end up hating me and I'm stuck there awkwardly trying to make conversation for an hour? Maybe I should just pretend my mom needed me home or something...

I ultimately snapped out of my selfishness and decided that, if I could call myself Sayoris friend, I would go, regardless of how bad it turned out. For her sake, at least.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed for the door. Trying not to get swept into the crowd of people trying to leave, I lingered by a nearby restroom (it looked a little odd but I was clear of the swarm of people). I tried to find Sayori throigh the tsunami of students but saw no sign of her. I pulled out my phone; maybe she texted me? Nada, no new messages. 'She's probably stuck in a crowd in another part of the school or something', I thought. Might as well wait around for a bit before I decide to leave.

Soon, the crowd thinned out to a handful of students. I clicked my phone off and looked around the hall. My eyes drifted to a dull green poster-board, with various flyers and sheets tacked onto it. I walked over to the board and read a few of them. It was what you'd expect to find on a high school bulletin board; school announcements (most of them talking about the festival next week), the lunch menu for this week (the fish soup they served today was amazing), advertisements for various clubs. I saw a sheet for the anime club, which said it was having a meeting later today. Maybe if Sayori doesn't show, I'll try to pop in on that...

A flyer caught my eye.

"Doki Doki Literature Club Seeks Members!"

I read the summary.

'Love reading? Enjoy expanding your mind? Want to just relax with a good book? Then consider joining the Literature Club, with meetings every day after school from 4-5pm. We would love to see you there!' Various stickers of chibi cats and books doted the colorful paper, masked with a few red ribbons. It was very...cute.

My eyes glanced down to the sign-up sheet. It disheartened me to find that there wasn't a single name scrawled on the paper. 'So they really are trying to find new members.', I thought to myself. I suddenly felt bad for thinking about skipping on this meeting. How selfish could I be? Imagine how sad Sayori would be if I just up and left, and having to tell her club friends she couldn't get a member after all. I shook my head clear of those dark thoughts.

At the very bottom was a roster of the current group members, which read:

President: Monika S.

Vice-President: Sayori A.

Member: Yuri K.

Member: Natsuki T.

Hm. Guess I'll be meeting those two later. I didn't recognize the other two, but the name Monika did sound familiar...

I heard a rapid taptaptaptap of footsteps and turned to see Sayori practically barreling at me. She came just a few feet short of colliding with me before she almost collapsed at my feet. She put her hands on her knees and tried to catch her breath between ragged gasps. The scene was both concerning and somewhat hilarious.

"You alright? Need some water?" I started reaching into my bag, digging for the small water jug I usually keep in my bag.

Sayori stuck her arm, grasping her hand out like a toy claw machine. She swung her head up and practically chugged the bottle 'till it was dry. "Thank...you…'zuma…" she managed to say in between pants.

"Did you run here? What class did you come out of?" I said.

She regained her posture, her breaths now cleaner. "Art. With the new teacher, Mr. Tagomi." My brain draws up the campus map...from here, that class is practically on the other side of the school.

"You didn't have to sprint here, I was going to wait for you anyway." I say, taking my empty water jug back.

"I know, but I couldn't help it! I'm just super excited! I can't wait for you to meet everyone! They're really great people, your going to love them!" She says, her voice sparkling with enthusiasm.

Sayori led me down the hallway, passing by rows of closed doors. We walked outside and crossed the foyer, passing by the koi pond. Soon we were in an adjacent building, where she led me up a flight of stairs. 'The seniors building', I thought to myself. Normally I have no business being here, but I guess I do now.

Sayori guides me past more classrooms until she stops at one, the door slightly open. On the doorknob was a makeshift sign that said 'DDLC' in red marker, a heart drawn next to it. Sayori turned to me.

"Ready?"

I shrug.

Full of energy, Sayori swings open the classroom door. Before it slams into the wall, I hastily grab the knob, stopping it from full momentum.

"Everyone! Say hi to our new member!" Sayori practically shouts. I open my mouth to say something, but first I take a moment to look around the classroom.

The class is clearly used by a teacher during the school day, as shown by the papers and posters strewn about on the walls and tables. A row of long windows faces down towards the koi pond, midday sun streaming in through the windows. Uniform wood desks run down in rows, with shelves stocked with books and folders behind them. In the far right corner, it seems there's a walk-in closet (probably with supplies inside).

Sitting at the teacher's desk, a girl with flowing brown hair (and a white ribbon to match) looks at Sayori and I and gives me a genuine smile. She shuts her silver laptop and gets up to greet me. "Hello! My name is Monika. Welcome to the Literature Club. It's a pleasure to meet you." She extends out a hand, which I gingerly shake. "Kazuma. Likewise." is all I can manage to say.

"Say, I think I've seen you before. Didn't you have physics with Dr. Serizawa?" She gives me a thoughtful look, trying to place me.

Suddenly, it clicks in my head. "Oh yes! I remember you as well. You won the experimental trebuchet project at the end of last year. Feel bad for the janitors who had to clean up all those eggs, though." We both share a laugh. Monika looks past me. "Yuri! Come say hi to our new member!"

This Monika is in this club? One of the most popular and smartest girls at this campus? Monika, from what I've heard about her, is practically a model student, with great marks and an important figure in a bunch of groups and clubs. It's no wonder she's the president of this one, but I didn't expect her to be apart of this sort of group.

Looking up from her book (an unusually decorated one, I might add), a mature-figured, tall girl with steel black glasses and faded violet hair greets me. "Oh, um...greetings. M-my name is Yuri. You must be the boy Sayori always talks about." Her voice, as smooth as lavender, puts me at ease.

"Nice to meet you, Yuri." I say, but my mind lingers on that comment. 'Always talks about?' How many times has my name come up in this club before? I look at Sayori, but she seemingly wasn't paying attention or just didn't hear Yuri's comment.

"And last but not least we have…wait, where is she?" Monika glances around the class, puzzled. "I could've sworn I just saw her." She raises her voice. "Natsuki! Where are you?"

"Over here!" I hear a girls voice yell from the closet. I hear books being shoved around on shelves before a girl steps out from the room.

Woah.

Natsuki, as Monika called her, is a short girl (maybe around 5'5 compared to my 5'10), with pink hair and eyes to match it. Red ribbons are tied in her hair, and a red hair clip rests on one of her bangs. On her collar I can see a pin of a little chibi cat (just like the ones on the poster). She dusts herself off (I wonder what she was doing back there?) and walks over to us.

'She's so cute…' I can't help but think.

She stands next to Yuri (a considerable size difference between the two) and looks me up and down. She turns to Sayori. "You brought a boy, Sayori? Way to kill the mood." She folds her arms on her chest. Sayori laughs. "Oh, don't be so mean to 'zuma, Natsuki! He's really excited about becoming a new member, so show him at least a little politeness! Besides, you did bake cupcakes for him, soo…"

Natsuki stammers. "N-no I didn't! All I did was bake cupcakes for a new member, not him!"

I pipe up, "But I am the new member, so technically you did bake them for me."

Natsuki gives me a look. Oh boy, now I'm on her bad side apparently. I haven't been here for more than five minutes and I've already made an enemy. What's next?

Trying to move things along, Monika claps her hands together. "How about we all take a seat? Natsuki, you can get your cupcakes out now." At this, Natsuki smiles and walks towards the teachers desk, where a small mini fridge sits next to it.

Five desks have been arranged to form a makeshift table, with one being stuck out in front as the 'head chair'. Monika sits down at the head one as Sayori and I sit next to each other.

"How about I prepare some tea?" Yuri asks.

"Good idea!" Sayori responds. Yuri nods and walks to the closet. I hear shuffling followed by the sound of a faucet turning on. From across the class, I can see Natsuki fidgeting with a plate, adjusting the foil ever so slightly. When she has it just right, she carefully picks it up and walks to our table, placing it in the middle of our 'table. She takes the seat closest to Monika.

Yuri returns to the table, a tray in her hand. I can't help but gaze at the intricate designs etched on the plattery, reminiscent of early Japanese geometric art. It looks beautiful, and rather expensive. Gently, Yuri places the tray next to Natsuki's plate.A small, steaming pot with five teacups rests on the tray. Carefully, Yuri places a teacup with a dish in front of us, and pours tea. The smell wanders into my nostrils, a faintly fruity smell like wild berries. Reminds me of oolong tea, a favorite of my mother when she gets migraines.

"Ready?" Natsuki asks us. Like a magicians cape, she lifts away the foil.

Sayoris jaw drops a little. "Uwooooah!"

Resting on the plate are eight white, neatly-arranged, fluffy cupcakes decorated to look like little cats. Icing was used to draw the whiskers, and little pieces of chocolate were used to make the ears. They were very adorable, and looked delicious.

"Natsuki, these look amazing!" Monika says. Natsuki gives a bright smile, enjoying the praise. "Well, when I'm the one baking them, you know that it's gonna be good!" Yuri laughs quietly, and Natsuki glances at her.

"Soooo cuuuuute!" Sayori squeals, and eagerly reaches out to grab one. Natsuki quickly slaps away her hand. "Don't just grab them! I'll serve them. "Owwww…meanie!" Sayori whimpers, gingerly rubbing her 'bruised' hand. I chuckle. Natsuki sure is a feisty one.

I grab the cupcake and slowly turn it around in my fingers, looking at the craftsmanship. It looks professionally made but has a certain 'homely' vibe you only get from home baked goods. Clearly a lot of love went into creating these. It's almost a crime to eat it...

Out of the corner of my eye, I can feel Natsuki looking at me. Is she waiting for me to take a bite? To see my reaction? I pull down part of the wrapper and take a hearty bite. The flavors dance in my mouth like a fiesta, chocolate swirling with vanilla. It takes all I can muster not to just shove the sweet treat into my mouth.

I turn to her. "Natsuki, this has to be one of the best cupcakes I've ever tasted. Thank you for making these."

Natsuki's cheeks blush, and she turns away. "Th-thank you. That m-means a lot." I smile warmly. Perhaps I still have a chance to be friend with her after all.

Monika looks at me. "So Kazuma, what made you want to join the Literature Club?"

'Shit', I think to myself. I should have been prepared for this answer, and something tells me I shouldn't tell Monika I'm only here mostly because I was practically dragged here by Sayori.

I regain my composure. "W-well, I haven't joined any clubs yet, and Sayori always seems really happy here, so I figured…"

Monika smiles. "No need to be embarrassed! As president of this club, it is my top priority to make sure you feel right at home with us."

I take a sip of my tea. "So your the President of this club, I see. What about all your other clubs? How are you making time for them?"

She gives a light laugh. "Well, to be honest, I started to grow tired of all the politics and drama that comes with clubs of that variety. Clubs fulled with people more interested in flaunting their own egos and pushing their authority. So I resigned from my posts and opted to make a club based on something I've always had a love and respect for. And if other people join it, that makes it all the worthwhile!"

"Monika is a great leader!" Sayori chimes in. Yuri and Natsuki nod in agreement.

"That's wonderful." I take another sip of my tea, my thoughts lingering back to the flyer and the empty sign-up sheet. "I'm surprised that there aren't more people than just us. It must be difficult to start a new club, even with the support of your peers."

Monika nods. "Many people can have a great idea, but they don't lack the drive to see that idea realized. It can be a challenge to lure in new members and convince them that we are both fun and worthwhile, especially when it comes to something like literature, which people associate with school and, in turn, boredom."

Sayori adds in, "Which is why we've been working really hard on our event planned for the festival next week. We're trying to make out showcase really stand out for the rest of the school."

Monika nods. "Each of us is doing something that fits our defining interests for the event. For example, Yuri will be making decorations and working on the theme for the event, while Natsuki will be making snacks to offer to guests. I'm not sure what the other clubs have planned, but whatever they do, I'm certain that ours will be one to remember!"

She sets her teacup down into its dish. "But even if nobody decides to join, I would be more than happy with just us five together. It would be their loss, anyway.", she says with a laugh.

I share the laugh, taking another bite of my cupcake. This, combined with the tea, go really well together. I could get used to this.

A brief silence.

"May I ask, Kazuma, what do you enjoy reading?" Yuri says, who has mostly been silent until now.

I try to think of a response. I can't just say I almost only read manga, can I? Unless I want them to think I'm some sort of social outcast or something. I'll just try downplaying it…

"Well, I mostly read books that focus on science fiction and adventure, but if I want to be honest I tend be more engaged with manga than anything else."

Natsuki's face perks up. It looks like she wants to say something, but if she did she doesn't. She takes another bite of her cupcake.

Yuri seems indifferent. "I see. I can't say that I read much manga, but I do respect the ability to convey a story almost solely through visual arts. It takes a talented writer to master that level of storytelling."

"What do you like to read, Yuri?" I ask, intrigued.

She's silent for a moment. "Let's see…" She tracers her finger around the curve of her teacup. "The stories I enjoy the most are the ones which build deep and complex fantasy worlds, world's with an intricate level of detail and thought put behind them. I admire the ability to craft a world unfamiliar to the reader that one can simply get lost in."

She goes on, clearly passionate about her favorite genres. "I also have a deep interest in psychological elements, with an emphasis on horror or shock. How writers can twist and convey the readers thoughts into their own image for a more personalized reaction has always interested me, what with the different styles possible. I'm currently in between reading two books that play into this element well. If you are interested, I could introduce you to them."

"Oh, I'd love to." I say, not even thinking about what I'm saying.

"I hate horror, or anything scary." Natsuki half says, half mutters. "I try to write about happier thing." She slowly spins her teacup disc around with her index finger.

"You write, Natsuki? Thats awesome. I'd love to read one of your poems someday." I say, genuine enthusiasm in my voice.

Natsuki blushes again, trips over her words. "Y-you wouldn't like them. What I write is, what I'm told at least, is too…"

Monika cuts her off. "Cute?"

Natsuki goes beet red. "D-Don't say t-that!"

Monika giggles. "Awww, but in a good way! It's both simple and complex. You should be proud of your writing. It's unique."

Natsuki shakes her head, as if a fly is buzzing at her face. "It's not that they're 'cute'", she says, doing a quotation mark gesture with her hands. "It's just...I'm not confident in how I write."

"Oh, I understand."

Yuri nods. "Often for both experienced and amateaur writers it can be difficult to open up your emotions and thoughts to your audience. When you write, your aren't just writing for a crowd, you're also writing for yourself. It's okay to not want to share sometimes."

"Do you have experience with sharing your work, Yuri?" Monika adds. "I think Natsuki would benefit from it if you two traded your writing for peer review one day." Sayori and I nod in agreement.

Yuri seems displeased at the idea, but she goes along with it anyway. Sayori looks at her and Natsuki. "I'd love to read your poems if you ever felt confident enough to share them with us!".

Monika is silent for a moment, but then speaks up. "I have an idea, everyone!" Yuri and Natsuki look at Monika with a glaze of uncertainty. "How's about we all write poems for each other to read and review! I feel that it would be a great way to learn everyone's styles of writing and help us become more confident in sharing our work with others, as well as improving our styles."

She turns to Sayori (who's now on her third cupcake) for agreement. "Mmph? Yeah! A good icebreaker!" She muffles, cupcake in her mouth.

My voice chokes. "That sounds like a great idea, but there's just a slight hiccup." I pause. "I...wasn't really sure if I wanted to join the club. I was looking at a few others that would take…" my voice trails off, as does my point. Soon all four girls are looking at me, a dose of sadness in their eyes.

"B-but…" Monika says.

"I'm sorry, I just thought…" Yuri says.

Natsuki looks away from me, rejected.

"Oh, Kazuma…" Sayori says.

I run a hand through my hair. 'God damnit.', I think to myself. I'm completely defenseless against these girls. How can I make a clear-headed decision when I'm in a situation like this?

Well, if writing the poems is the price I have to pay to spend time with them…

I clear my throat. "Okay, I've decided it. I'm joining the Literature Club." One by one, the girls eyes lights up. Sayori squeals. "Ohhhh Kazumaaa! I'm so happy! Ahahaaaa!" Through the desks she embraces me, almost making me knock over my teacup.

Monika lifts her teacup, as do the other girls. "Then it's official! Welcome to the Literature Club, Kazuma!". Everyone clinks their glasses together and takes a drink. After Sayori let's me go, I do the same.

Monika glances at her watch and claps her hands together. "Okay, everyone! I think we can end today on a good note. You all can leave now, but don't forget to write and bring your poems for tomorrow's meeting!"

Monika turns to me. "Kazuma, I look forward to seeing how you can express yourself." She says with a slight giggle. I smile. "Likewise, Monika."

Yuri begins to put away the tea set while Natsuki and Monika place the desks back in order. Feeling unhelpful, I try to help Natsuki rearrange the desks back. "Don't worry, I got it." I say, my hand brushing up against hers. She blushes, and pulls her hand away. "Thanks Hercules, but I think I got it." She snarks, pushing the desk back into order.

Sayori appears next to me. "Hey Kazuma? Since we're already here, did you want to walk back home with me? Like old times?" She says in a hopeful tone.

That's right. With Sayori being occupied by the club, we never went home at the same time. Now there's no reason not to. "Sure. Let's go." She grins and turns to the door. "Bye guys!" She calls behind her back. The other three say their goodbyes as I head out the door.

…

"Sooo? What did you think about the club?"

We've just left the campus and were walking back home. What's convenient is that Sayori and I live only a few blocks away from each other, so we don't need to worry about splitting up. She walks backwards in front of me, eager to see my reaction.

"I think she's very cute. Certainly looks like a lot of fun."

Sayori face turns to confusion. She stammers. "H-huh?"

Holy shit. What did I just say?

My thoughts scramble like eggs. God damnit, speak!

"I...I said, the club looks cute, like it's very close-knit. It looks like a lot of fun."

Sayoris face repeats that odd emotion from this morning again, once again confusing me. What face is that supposed to represent? I really can't place it. Is it sadness? Fear? Resentment? Or just confusion? I have no clue.

We walk in silence for a moment. About a block away, I can see the rooflines of her complex. "So, your gonna go to tomorrow's meeting, right?" She says, some uneasiness in her voice. At least, I think it's uneasiness.

I nod yes. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Just making sure, 'zuma." She gives me a half-hearted smile.

We reach the gates to her home. I wave goodbye then start the walk home. My mind lingers back to the club. Monika, Yuri, Natsuki and of course, Sayori. Four interesting and diverse girls who all share a love for literature. Would I really be happy spending an hour after school every day with them? I think so. I mean, I think I made a good first impression on them (or, at least, I hope so). They seemed to like me, as I did back.

Plus, staying in the club means getting the chance to know Natsuki better, among everyone else.

I unlock the door to my house and step inside. As usual, my parents have already gone to work, lights off in the apartment. I check the stove and a pot of soba sat, still warm to the touch. I grab a bowl and spoon and empty most of the pots contents into it. I snatch a soda pop from the fridge and take my stuff upstairs to my room.

Placing the bowl and drink down on my desk, I dig in my drawer for a fresh sheet of line paper and a pen. I put it in front of me and stare at the blank paper.

Shit.

Now comes the hard part.

What do I write?


	3. Poem Panic

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

My eyes watched the plastic clock hanging above the whiteboard, following the hands as they slowly went full circle. I unhappily tapped my pencil on my paper, growing bored with drawing random sketches on my notepad. My classmates looked just as ancy to leave, fidgeting around in their seats.

The teacher, Ms. Gojo, is a slim-built woman whose dark hair is always tied up in a bun. With glasses to boot, she has the look of an intellectual (and the knowledge to back that statement up) To her credit, she's a great teacher who cares deeply about the curriculum for her students and has a passion for talking about her field of study (anatomy). Her lectures are almost always both interactive and memorable (when it's not going by the textbook, that is).

But I swear, if I have to hear one more word about the chemical reactions of reptilian brain enzymes when subjected to cold-temperature environments I might just...

The bell rings. The class becomes abuzz with activity. Ms. Gojo is babbling on about the homework due next class, but nobody (myself included) is really listening. I grab my spare papers and shove them in my bag.

Believe it or not, I was actually eager for my first 'real' meeting with the Literature Club. Not just because it gave me a chance to know Natsuki better, but I actually found myself enjoying the challenge of writing a poem (to my surprise). It took me well over an hour to carve out a poem I felt was worthy enough to share with someone, but once I finished it, I felt overwashed with a great sense of pride in my writing. Maybe Sayori was right in saying writing becomes more enjoyable when it isn't forced through the confines of schoolwork...

I glanced at my phone. Speaking of Sayori, I expected a text from her telling me to wait for her, but I haven't heard anything from her since the walk home yesterday. 'She probably expects me to go on my own now that I know how to get there', I think to myself. No bother. I still remember how to get there.

I slip out the door and mingle with the crowd of students, all wrapped up in their own conversations. I slip out a door and step outside, going through the foyer. The midday sun was streaking across the thin clouds, giving them a rosy pink-orange glow. It looked amazing reflecting on the koi pond, giving the area a serene and quiet aura. I walked through the doors of the now-empty seniors building and made my way up the stairs.

I turn the corner.

Something catches my eye.

A short girl, dressed in her school uniform, back partially facing me as she stepped out of the restroom. A cluster of paper towels is clenched in her fist She rubs her eyes with the towels and tosses them into a waste bin. She walks away, seemingly unaware of my presence.

I recognize the pink hair immediately.

"N-Natsuki?"

She turns to face me. I can see an ugly redness on her cheeks, eyes puffy. She gives me a mixed look of fear and embarrassment before she turns on her heel and almost runs back into the clubroom. I stand in the hallway, dumbfounded.

'What did I say? What happened to her?' I think to myself. I pause by a water fountain, trying to collect my thoughts.

It looked like she was crying, long enough to have her eyes puffy like that. But over what? What could make a sweet and innocent girl like her cry like that? God, I hope she's okay.

Still in a daze, I walked into the classroom. Yuri and Monika were chatting indistinctly at the teacher's desk, Yuri leaning against the solid oak desk with Monika sitting in the black leather chair used by the teacher. The same book Yuri was reading yesterday sits at her side, her hand gently resting on the cover. At one of the front desks sits Sayori, scribbling with all the focus I've ever seen her give on a piece of paper.

And tucked away at one of the back desks is Natsuki, head looking down at the same book she had in the hallway. Why isn't anyone talking to her?

Monika notices me enter, and slightly spins in her chair to face me. "Ah, there you are Kazuma! I was wondering where you were at. I was starting to think you were gonna skip on us!" She says with a light laugh.

"Dont worry, Monika. I'm one of my word." I say, sharing the laugh. "I'm actually looking forward to sharing my poem. Believe it or not, I actually spent the night working on it." A slight exaggeration, but how would she know?

Monika gives me an intrigued look. "Really? Well, it's good to see that your taking this club seriously. I certainly can't wait to read it!" She gives me a final smile and turns back to Yuri, the conversation over.

Should I talk to Natsuki? Does she even want to be talked to right now? She looks like she wants to be left alone. I decide to just give her some space, and share poems with her last. I walk over to Sayori, so wrapped up in her own little world she doesn't notice me approach. I playfully tap her on the nose. She glances up and beams me a smile. "Hi, Kazuma! Ready to share poems?" She chirps, her voice as sweet as nectar.

I give a light shrug. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Monika claps her hands together, which grabs my (and everyone else's) attention. "Okay, everyone! I hope you brought them with you, because it's time to share our poems!"

…

"Ah, hello Kazuma! How are you today?" Monika asks me as I approach her. She still sits at the teacher's desk, laptop half closed.

"Oh, good as ever. You?" I reply.

She gives me a pleasant smile. "Just happy to have everyone here. Ready to read my poem?" She asks, the stark-white paper sitting on her lap. "Absolutely." I say. She hands me the paper and I start to read.

From what I could gather, Monika's poem was about...I'm actually not quite sure, there's a lot of ways one could interpret it. Freedom? Taking the road less traveled? Alternate timelines? If there was a message, it was lost on me.

I hand her the paper back.

"What did you think, Kazuma?" She asks. I can feel those pretty green eyes on me, patiently waiting for me to respond.

I start to sweat, unable to effectively collect my thoughts. "Well…it's very, uh...abstract?" I laugh awkwardly, and can feel my cheeks getting hot. "Sorry. I-I didn't mean it like that. I'm not exactly the best at giving critique."

She laughs. "Don't worry, Kazuma! It's good that you called it abstract because that's the style I was going for. Leaving the message up to the reader. What did you think the message was?" She says.

I try to wrack my brain for a quick, effective response. "I thought that it could be about the loss of...a loved one? With the hole in the wall representing the afterlife? The blindness representing the true scale of the person's pain?" I say, with a grain of uncertainty in my voice.

Monika takes a moment to let that comment sink in, turning it over in her head like a Rubix cube. "That's good! While I did write the story with a different theme in mind, I love your interpretation!" She says with a smile. That puts me at ease...slightly.

She points at my paper. "Can I read yours now?" I silently hand her my paper. I watch her eyes trail down to the bottom of the paper, soaking in every detail of her face, trying to read her thoughts. She offers nothing, a blank stare. What is she thinking?

It seems like an eternity passes before she speaks.

"Kazuma…" She starts.

She hands me back my paper. "This is pretty good! I like the way you portrayed the setting, but…" she pauses. "It could use some work. Your overall message was clear but I feel you could have used some words differently. But it's a great first poem for a relatively inexperienced writer and you should be proud."

I smile, grateful for the genuine comment. "Thank you. When I started writing it I wasn't sure how I wanted to write the setting as, and I almost just gave up and wanted to do a different story altogether." I say with a light laugh.

Monika pauses for a moment. "Well, consider this my writing tip of the day. When you get stuck on one part of your poem, or any story really, it'll stop your flow entirely and mess up how you view your story. My advice?"

She waves her hand.

"Just move on! Write down what you have on your mind for that part and just keep writing. You can always go back to it and revise it later.

"Wow, Monika. That's...really helpful. Thank you."

She smiles. "No problem! Don't forget, you can always come to me for advice on anything. As club president, it's my duty to make you feel welcome."

I smile. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

…

Sayori gives me a bright smile when she sees me approach her. I take a moment to look at the paper she was . It was obvious from the sharp contrast in writing she had gotten something written down, but then came back to finish it later. 'This should be interesting.' I thought to myself.

"Hey, 'zuma!" she chirps. "Ready to exchange poems?" She fumbles with the paper and hands it to me, which I gingerly take.

I read through her paper. It's a brief story about how the sunshine greets her every morning, persuading her to rise out of bed despite her objections. Very cutesy, with a happy tone hanging over the text like an umbrella. The final stanza? 'I want breakfast.' In short, it had Sayori's name written all over it. "Soooo? What did you think?" She says, eager to hear my thoughts.

I hand her the paper back. "I thought it was good, Sayori. Short but sweet, but something tells me you were a little hungry when you were writing it…" I say with a sly grin.

She looked confused at first, but then laughs. "Ahehe, well, I woke up late and didn't get to eat breakfast this morning, so I was feeling hungry when I was writing it".

I can't help but shake my head. "Sayori, you really need to work on getting up on time. Eventually this is gonna hurt your marks." She gives me a dejected look, says nothing. I try to move things along. "Anyway, do you want to read my poem now?" At this, her demeanor changes. She eagerly snatches the paper from my hand and starts to read.

Sayori slowly starts to read my paper, and I watch her expression morph fro vague interest to some variety of awe (that's really the only way I can describe it). I can even hear an audible "woah" under her breath. After maybe thirty seconds, she looks up at me.

"Kazuma, this is amazing! This has to be of the best poems I've ever read in this class!" she says, voice filled with excitement.

I wave her off. "Oh, come on. It's okay, but certainly not the best."

She continues. "No, really! I loved how you tried to put the reader into the setting, and how you made the world around him interesting. Even describing the smallest of details like the coldness of the ocean and all that. It was great!". She concludes with a grin.

I think about her review for a moment. Praise is nice, but I also want criticism. Then again, maybe going to a carefree girl like Sayori for an honest review isn't the best idea in the world.

I start to walk to where Yuri was sitting when I heard her speak up. "Hey, um...are we still walking home together?" she asks, doing that nervous tick with her fingers again.

I pause. "Obviously. Why, whats wrong?"

Sayori stammered. "N...nothing! Just double-checking." she says with an awkward laugh.

I smile, say nothing, and turned to walk to Yuri's desk.

…

Yuri's poem was oozing with symbolism, using . Her poem (I think) took a more 'fantastical' route, talking about the supernatural and spirits. It was only eight lines long, but it was a very serene poem with a mystical ending.

I sneak a glance up.

Indifferent, Yuri is nose-deep in the book she had earlier, a maroon-red book with the sketch of a cat's eye in a pyramid. I read the title, written in black text. "The Portrait of Markov." It looked very...intimidating. I wonder what a book with that kind of cover could be about? And furthermore, what does a book like that say about Yuri's personality?

I clear my throat. "...Yuri?"

She glances up from her book, her glasses slightly tilted on her nose. She pushes it back into place with her middle finger. "Y-yes?" She stammered. "I, uh, finished your poem."

Yuri closed her book and gently pushed it aside. "Really? Wh...what did you think of it?"

I take another look at her paper, staring at her delicate, cursive handwriting. "I thought it was very nice. It was rather brief but it did contain a lot of pleasant…" My mind blanks. "...imagery.

Yuri gives me a half-smile. "Thank you, Kazuma. Your sentiment means a lot to me."

"So, I take it your a fan of the paranormal?"

Yuri gives me a quizzical look. "I'm sorry?"

I raise the paper in my hand. "Perhaps I misread, but was it not about ghosts? That's the impression I gathered from it."

Yuri pauses for a moment. "That's...one way you could perceive it, but it wasn't what I had in mind."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? What was the intention then?" I said, now intrigued.

Yuri seemed to become flustered at this. "Well...I w-wouldnt want to mess with your certainly valid way of interpretations, but..." She trailed off. "It...it's not that important. Don't worry about it." She glanced at my paper. "May I read yours now?" she said, pushing her book aside. I silently handed her the paper, still very confused at how abruptly she ended that. Wouldn't she want to discuss her work? 

Yuri carefully reads my paper, soaking in every detail. I can see her head tilting as she slowly reads to the end of the poem. Occasionally, I can hear her mutter a few 'ohs' and 'ahs'. I lean against the opposing desk, waiting for her to finish. When she was done, she looks up at me, still holding the paper.

"Kazuma, you are a first time writer?" She finally asks, still looking at the paper.

I think for a moment. "When it comes to writing just to write, yes. Why do you ask?"

She looks flustered, like she just said something wrong. "Oh no, it's nothing. I'm just reading through your paper and noticing distinct styles that first time writers tend to do."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh? Like what?"

"Well…", she picks up the pen lying on her desk, twirls it around with her fingers.", "First time writers usually make the objective of their work obvious to the reader. It isn't a bad style of writing, but it often comes off as immature or unkept. They tend to use more...basic vocabulary out of fear of scaring off or confusing their reader. It's certainly a safe tactic to employ, but for many readers it's a sign of shallowness, or lack of confidence." She says, an edge of authority in her voice. Right now, I am the student and she is the teacher.

I'm not sure whether to be grateful for this information or insulted by the fact she called me shallow. I know Yuri doesn't mean ill intent, but I'd be lying if that comment didn't sting just a bit.

My mind wanders back to Monika and Natsuki's brief dialogue yesterday. "...it's both simple and complex. It's unique." I clear my throat. "Kind of like how Natsuki writes?" I dart my eyes to where she is, busy exchanging her poem with Sayori. I guess she didn't hear me mention her name.

Yuri quickly shakes her head. "Natsuki is...different. What you would think would be a weakness in her writing is actually a strength. She can use simple vocabulary to paint a vivid image. There are few writers who can do this well, and I think Natsuki is one of them, even if she doesn't do it actively."

I ponder this for a moment.

Yuri clears her throat, and slides her book back to her. "In any case, I'm curious as to what she will think of it."

…

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves before I went to Natsuki. What if she doesn't want to talk to me? Then again, she did seem to talk to Sayori and everyone else just fine. I slowly walk up to Natsuki, whose head is slumped down at her paper.

She looks up at me, an annoyed look on her face. "What do you want?" She said in a sour tone. In her eyes, I can still see redness, but it's mostly starting to fade. I fumble with my words. "We, uh, haven't exchanged poems yet."

She glances away from me. "Oh, right." A pause. "Sorry. It's just…", she trails off.

I try to move things along. "Uh, did you want to share? I understand if you don't want to. ", I say, trying to sound comforting.

"No, it's fine." she mutters, opening up her pink binder. She takes the stray sheet of paper out from its rings and hands it to me. I can't help but notice the slight shaking of her hand, reverberating on the paper.

What happened to her?

I start to read her paper.

A World of Masks

by Natsuki Tamura

A world of masks.

Everyone has one, but nobody knows why.

Blocking everyone out but keeping everyone inside.

Making it so hard to even try.

A world of masks.

It holds you close, blocking out all that you can feel.

Fear distorting everything that is real.

Making it so hard to love, to see, to trust.

Why fight when our demons always pursue us?

A world of masks.

Too afraid to try, but the pain will always remain.

Unable to escape from this terrifying domain.

Suffering more, but hey, who would ever know?

In this world of masks, nobody shares your sorrow.

I read through the paper, then read it again. I can feel Natsuki's eyes on me, gauging for my reaction. When I finished rereading it, I finally speak up. "Wow, that was...amazing."

Her eyes light up. "Really? You mean it?" Her face sours a bit. "Or are you just saying that..."

"No, I really mean that. Your word usage is simple, but it goes a long way in describing the overall message. It was really deep. Natsuki, this is a really good poem. You should be proud of it."

She looks at me. For a second, I think she might start crying again. "Thank you, Kazuma. That r-really does mean a lot." I can't help but feel a warmness spread across my body. She really is sweet.

I frown slightly. "...But it's certainly different from what you said you like to write. Happy things, you said?"

She looked out the window, eyes focused on the koi pond. "I know, but...I just...wanted to try something new, is all. I didn't want my first poem you read to turn you off from me..." Her face goes red, realizing the innuendo she accidentally created. "N-NOT like that!" She stammers.

I blush a bit. "I got you." I look down at the paper, rereading a part of it. "I can see some symbolism here. I can guess the masks represent the fear of sharing your work with others, and being afraid of rejection by others?"

Natsuki sighed.

"Yeah. That's right."

Silence follows. I try to pick things back up. "...did you want to read my poem, now?" I say, holding my paper up in my hand. She nods silently.

I hand her my poem, and she starts to read. I watch the emotions on her face shift from boredom to investment to finally...acceptance? I couldn't place that emotion. After a beat, she says,"You wrote this?"

"Yes."

She flips my page over, as if looking for some hidden clue.

"What is it? What's wrong? " I asked, puzzled.

She flips it over again. "It's...it's good." Her voice seems to quiver. I don't understand. Did she not like it? Did she hate it? Did it scare her? My mind runs through a million different ideas.

She seems to space out, thinking about something (or someone). She gets up from her chair. "Gi...give me a second." Flustered, she turns to the closet and swings open the door.

Hesitantly, I follow.

The closet is much more spacious than I expected it to be. A small sink with a plug-in kettle sits, with wood shelves hanging above it. Facing it is a long row of shelves extending some six feet high, from wall to wall. A bit of a stretch for me to reach the very top shelf, but Natsuki would definitely need help reaching anything up there. Various colored papers, folders and books sit strewn about, some organized and some not.

Natsuki hops up and down, trying to reach at a pink, cardboard book set. She fails and curses (adorably, I might add) "Ughhh! Why does Monika always insist on moving my stuff!" She mutters, still trying to reach the collection of books.

I point at the colorfully decorated box set, sitting on the highest shelf. "Is this what you wanted?" She folds her arms, glances away from me. "Yes, but I could've gotten it myself, you know. " 'Sure you could have', I think with a laugh. I carefully grab the set, surprisingly light in my hands. "Be careful! I spent all the money I had on it, and I cant afford for it to get damaged by you or anyone." She practically snaps at me.

Internally, I roll my eyes. She's acting like I'm gonna toss it out the window or something. I'm not that reckless. Who does she take me for? Though I have to appreciate her care for her…

I take a closer look at the boxset.

"Manga?" I accidentally say aloud.

Her face takes a wounded expression, which morphs into distaste. "Sorry I enjoy stuff that you don't like!" her voice rising at the last word.

I put my hands up in an almost-defensive posture. "No no, it's not that. I love reading manga, dont you remember? I think I mentioned it yesterday."

Her face briefly takes a distant look, then she lights up. "Oh...yeah." She looks down, ashamed. "Sorry I attacked you like that, then. It's just...I've always been laughed at for enjoying something people think is for children.

I raise a finger out to the class. "Even them?"

She gives a dismissive wave. "They don't really care, but I think Yuri looks down on me for reading it. She thinks its too…'childish'", she says, making quotation marks with her fingers. While Natsuki was talking, I ran my fingers along the neatly-organized, alphabetically placed books. I pull the first book out with my finger.

I glance at the cover. At the top reads 'Parfait Girls' in a stylish bold text. Four schoolgirls dressed in colorful attire striking animated poses adorns the cover. It looks like your average slice-of-life manga (the type I tend to stick away from in favor of more 'adventurous' reads). I flip it over and skim through the summary...

"Its kinda slow-going at first, but things start to pick up by the end of the volume. And after that it get really good! This is mostly just exposition so you can get a feel for the characters." Natsuki tells me, her voice completely shifted from a minute ago. 'She must be really passionate about this', I think to myself.

I nod silently, and start thumbing through the pages. The art style is what you'd expect from a female-oriented manga, but there's a certain appeal to the character designs that intrigues me. The way the characters are drawn, in this half-chibi/half-realistic style, has a certain charm to it.

From across the room, Monika stands up. "Alright! I hope everyone enjoyed sharing their poems with each other. It's five o'clock, so you all are free to leave now, but be prepared for an announcement tomorrow about the festival!" And with that, she starts to pack up her laptop. Yuri looks puzzled but says nothing.

I turn to see Sayori lingering by the closet entrance. "Hey, 'zuma! Ready to walk home?"."Sure, let's go." I say, starting to carefully tuck the book into my bag. As I start to leave, Natsuki grabs my sleeve and pulls me close.

"Listen, can you try reading some of it tonight so we can start reading together tomorrow?" she asks, her voice sweet and pure. I nod and start to turn away, but she pulls me closer to her. "But I swear to God, if I find a single crease, wrinkle or tear on my book..."

Her voice is quiet but menacing.

"I. Will. End. You."

All I can do is laugh. "Natsuki, it'll be in better condition than when you gave it to me." And with that, Sayori and I head out the door and make our way downstairs.

…

"What did you think of Natsuki's poem, 'zuma?" She asked me out of the blue.

We were about two blocks away from Sayori's house when she asked me the question. We had mostly been silent, with myself just scrolling through my phone. I couldn't help but notice that Sayori seemed to be...distant.

I think of a response. "I thought it was really good. There was a lot of imagery that made it stand out, and it definitely lured you into an unfamiliar place."

A pause.

"What did you think of it?" I ask in reply.

"Oh...I thought that too. It felt like it actually put me into that world. Relatable."

Wait, huh?

"Relatable, Sayori? What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

Sayori gives me an odd look, then blushes. "Oh! Sorry. I meant to say 'remarkable'. Yeah, it was very remarkable that she wrote something like that. She tends to keep her writing very…" She makes a gesture with her hands. "Flatlined."

I give her an uncertain look, but ultimately shrug it off. Honest mistake, is all.

I walk her to her front gate and wave goodbye, before I turn and start the walk to my home. I absentmindedly scroll through my phone to pass the time. Before I know it I'm at my front gate. I pull my house keys from my pocket and start to unlock the door when I notice a white letter sticking out of my door. I gingerly pull it out and open it. 'Must've been delivered after my parents left for work.' I think to myself as I tear the letter open.

I skim through it. It's a colorfully decorated flyer advertising the upcoming festival, the message aimed at parents who would like to volunteer. Nothing really interesting for me. I flip it over, but it's just the same text translated to Japanese.

'The festival,' I thought. I wonder what Monika has planned for me to do, if anything. I am a new member, but I'm sure there's something I can do. Maybe help get the word out about the Literature Club or help make decorations or help Natsuki with baking.

With that last thought, my heart beats just a tad faster.

I unlock the door and push it open. As usual, the lights are off and something warm sits on the stove. I flick the lights on, placing the letter on the entry table and walk to the kitchen. I look down into the metal pot on the stove; looks like gyudon, with grilled vegetables mixed in. I open the fridge and dig out a Ramune bottle from it's box, taking it upstairs with me. I get to my door and set the soft drink on my desk, placing my bag on my chair.

I pull Natsuki's book out from my bag and gently place it next to the soda. For a moment, I remember that I also have a poem to write for tomorrow. 'I could always just start writing after I finish, or do it at school.' I think. Or I could get through this and start working on the poem after.

I crack open the book and start to read.


	4. Parfait Girl

The first few raindrops splattered against my face, polite wet kisses rolling down to my chin. I stepped away and glanced up, greeted to angry storm clouds swirling above, pushing away the once bright sun from earlier today. The sound of thunder boomed in my ears, and spread out across the foyer I could see students glancing up in alarm and starting to rush away, hoping not to get caught up in the storm.

Within seconds, a steady rainshower was beating down on the campus. The rain dripped down in streams from the tin roofing of the breezeway. The cool air rushed against my face, a harmonic and refreshing feeling. I stood by the entrance to the foyer, protected under the metal roofing of the walkway. 'Good thing I have my umbrella with me'. I thought, thinking back to the umbrella I had packed away in my bag this morning, in preparation for a possible storm (that's what the forecast said, at least). I leaned against the wall for a moment, listening to the rain drum against the roof. I scrolled through my phone, finally getting to check the notifications that had built up in the seven hours it was shut off.

Another treacherous school day had finally ended, and I was ready for my second meeting with the Literature Club again. With Ms. Gojo being absent the last period, it gave me time to fine-tune my poem. After working and reworking it, I finally felt it was adequate enough to show to everyone.

I shoved my phone in my pocket. The rain showed no sign of stopping as I started to walk through the breezeway, careful not to get caught by the constant sheets of rain. As I stepped into the seniors building, a gust of wind swung the door open and practically slammed the door on my back. 'How bad is it gonna get?' I thought as I made my way up the stairs.

I stepped into the classroom. The room was artificially lit, with the storm now blocking out the sun's natural light. It felt rather homely. I looked around and saw Yuri sitting at her usual spot, nose deep into her ominous book. Sayori was at the desk closest to the teachers, scrolling through her cherry-red cased phone, a white pair of headphones snaking up to her ears. It didn't seem like either noticed me enter.

And tucked away in the back was Natsuki, worriedly looking at the rain lashing against the windows, her arms folded against her chest. I could see a cluster of papers sitting on her desk, with her binder opened up. Is it her poem?

Monika was noticeably absent.

I cleared my throat. "Hey, where's Mo-"

Sayoris face snapped up at the sound of my voice. She slammed her phone down on her desk. "Kazuma, your here!" She got up and dashed over to embrace me. I gingerly returned the hug. Is she gonna do that every time I show up? It's almost embarrassing. Ah, whatever.

From the back of the room, I could see Natsuki longingly staring at me. We locked eyes, and she quickly looked away, a trace of red outlining her cheeks.

"It's good to see you again, Kazuma. Glad to see your holding up your promise to the club." Yuri said from her usual spot by the door, glancing up from her Portrait of Markov book.

Speaking of Yuri's book of choice, I did some light research on it, and as it turns out, the plot is very...dark. Much darker than I expected.

To sum up, it's about a high-ranking Nazi medical official who, after World War II, went into hiding and kidnaps various Jewish people to torture and experiment, as a sort of demented 'coping' mechanism for Adolf Hitler's defeat. I spoiled myself a bit, and in the end, the official gets what's coming to him by means of execution, with the story ending on a 'happy' note (if you can call it that), but the reviews that I read said the book makes you reflect over the crimes against humanity the Jews (and other groups) suffered at the hands of the Nazi's during the war.

Now, what does this say about Yuri's personality? Nothing, I guess. After all, she did say she was interested in psychological elements and all that, so a book like the Portrait of Markov would be right up her alley. Still, that doesn't mean it's kinda fucked up. I wonder what the other book she mentioned is like...

I heard a flurry of footsteps outside in the hallway, and a few beats later Monika stepped through the door, the ribbons in her hair slightly disheveled. "Sorry I'm late everyone! I hope I didn't keep you all waiting." She said, her voice rushed and almost panicked. In her hands I could see what looked like music sheets for an instrument. I wonder what she was doing? Monika set her bag down atop the teachers desk and started to put away the papers in her hand.

"Ah, hello Monika. We were wondering where you were." Yuri said, getting up from her seat to lean up against her desk. From the back of the room, I saw Natsuki walk over to join our circle, taking a spot next to Sayori.

Sayori giggled. "I guess you decided the club was more important than your boyfriend after all!"

Monika looked up from her bag and blushed beet red, clearly embarrassed by the notion. She stammered, "B-boyfriend?! What are you talking about, Sayori?!"

"Well, what else would have made you late? Were you just caught up in the crowd, or were you too busy," she made a kissing gesture with her hands "getting busy?" Sayori burst into laughter, Natsuki sharing the laugh. Yuri joined in with Monika's awkward embarrassment. I couldn't help but smile.

Monika shot her a look, her voice now laced with annoyance. "Well, if you must know, I had study hall for my last period and I just...lost track of the time. That's all. No boyfriend." She said with a definitive air.

Natsuki looked confused. "That doesn't make sense. You would've heard the bell, at least."

Monika gave a dismissive wave. "Well, I was in the band building working on my piano skills, and the bells in there aren't as loud as the ones on the rest of the campus. I didn't even know the bell had rung until one of the directors told me it had."

Sayori's face lit up. "You play the piano? I had no idea!" She said, eager to hear more.

Monika smiled. "Ah, well I've only started just recently. I've been having private lessons at home, but I've gotten permission from the orchestra directors to use their piano here to practice with during school. I think they think that me using their piano means that I want to join their," She made a gesture with her hands, "club."

She continued, "But joining them would mean not having time for you all, so don't get too worried, ahah!" Monika said, a warm smile on her face. There's something about that smile that just puts me at ease. It's almost entrancing.

"Still, that's so cool! You have to play something for us sometime!" Sayori continued, genuine happiness tracing her voice.

Monika gave an airy laugh. "Well, I wouldn't call myself the best, but I am in the process of writing a song that I'm trying to get done before the fes-" Monika stopped, and muttered something.

Sayori gasped, and slapped her hands on her cheeks. "YOU'RE GONNA PLAY AT THE FESTIVAL!? THAT'S SO AMAZING!" The bow-headed girl squealed.

Monika smiled, appreciating the genuine praise. "Yes, I thought that a song for the school to hear would really set us apart from the rest of the clubs' events. A sweet, rememberable song will show everyone how creative and fun our club can be for them. I've been working on the song since last week and I'm very close to finishing it."

I spoke up. "I think I speak for everyone when I say I'd love to hear a snippet of it before the festival. Unless you want to really keep it a surprise, that is."

Monika sat down in the teachers chair. "I should have it done by at least Sunday, and I'll play a portion of it for you all before the festival on Monday morning, if you all come in early." She paused. "But just the music, though! No lyrics. That's gonna be the big surprise."

Monika clapped her hands together. "Well, let's get down to it. Time to share poems, everyone!"

…

Sayori's poem was a little more 'meaty' than her first, with an actual narrative to it. To summarize, it was about a girl whose mind is a collection of bottles, with her 'happy thoughts' (she wrote that a lot) being stored in the bottles in her head. With fluffy kittens and balls of sunshine galore, it was oozing with cuteness, but the words almost reminded me of something Yuri would write (or read) in terms of vocabulary, but much, much brighter in tone.

I set the paper down on her desk, pushing it back to her.

"What did you think?" Sayori said, not hiding her excitement to hear my thoughts.

I took a breath. "It was very...emotional? I think that's the right word. There was a lot of symbolism in it and…" I waved my hand, trying to grasp my meaning. "such. It was good, is what I'm trying to say, hah." Christ, could I have said that any more awkwardly?

Sayori adjusted the bow in her hair. "I know exactly what you mean! Thank you, Kazuma. Your thoughts means a lot to me." She said, her voice sweet as ever. She pointed at the sheet of notebook paper in my hand. "Can I read yours now?" I silently handed her the paper.

Sayori snatched the paper from my hand and started to analyze it. But as she read it, I couldn't help but feel there was something...off about her today. It made no sense considering her bubbly spirit today, and she looked as normal as ever, with her lazily unbuttoned blazer and her messy hair, but the way she carried herself seemed...shifted. I couldn't quite place it. It was like someone else was piloting her body and mind, even though she acted like her usual, happy self.

After she gave me her thoughts on my writing (her critiques just as sparkling and overjoyed as her last one), I dared to ask the question. "Sayori, is everything alright? You seem...disconnected."

"Hm?" Sayori looked at me, a mask of confusion on her face.

"Are you feeling well?" I repeated.

"Of course!" She gave me a bright smile. "Why, is something wrong?" She said, a look of worry on her face.

I shook my head. "No, everything's fine. It's just...I don't know. You seem out of it. Did you wake up late again today?"

Sayori glanced down at her phone (I think she got a message, but I couldn't read her screen well), then back up to me, her eyes parted. "Yeah."

I sighed. "Sayori…"

She cut me off. "I'm sorry! My alarm clock stopped working last night and it didn't wake me up in time. I got here as soon as I could...right after I ate breakfast, eheh." She laughed awkwardly, doing that cute little finger tap again.

I thought about what she said for a moment. Is she lying? It's kind of hard to tell. Even if she is telling the truth, something needs to be done about her constant tardiness. There's nothing more embarrassing than losing credits just because you couldn't be bothered to show up on time. What does it say about your character?

"Tell you what," I said. "How about instead of just us walking to school together, I wake you up on time as well? I could give you a wake-up call every morning and tell you to get up, then I'll wait for you outside."

Sayori gave me a quizzical look, as if I just told her I had a time-traveling DeLorean. After a beat, she put her hands together. "I'd love that! It would keep me on my toes." She paused. "But, I feel like it would be too much trouble for you..."

I gave her a dismissive wave. "It's no trouble. I always get up early in the mornings anyway. And I'd do anything for a friend."

Sayori reached over from her seat and pulled me into a tight hug, which felt nice but holy shit her heads maybe just a little too close to my-

"You're too nice to me, Kazuma. What did I do to deserve you?" She said, her voice slightly low.

I chuckled a bit, and broke off the hug. Monika gave me a odd look before laughing and returning to her laptop. Yuri and Natsuki didn't notice (I hope). I thanked Sayori for her critique and took my paper back. I turned on my heel and took a deep breath.

Next, Monika.

…

"Great to see you again, Kazuma! Ready to share poems?"

Monika's poem was again both abstract but also definite at the same time. It was about a woman who 'knew everything' and wandered the Earth, silent with her so-called expertise of the universe. It ended on a rather mystical note, with the woman declaring that there is no meaning to life, and that in of itself meant everything. It was very...wispy? That's a word that came to my mind.

I set the paper down, and saw Monika's beautiful emerald eyes watching me, monitoring my movements. "What did you think? I'm all ears."

"It was good. I especially enjoyed that sort of twist ending with the woman revealing the true meaning of life and...whatnot. Very nice." I said.

Monika's smile persisted. "I'm glad you enjoyed it! I was hoping the ending would have that sort of effect on the reader, having it built up like the true meaning was something powerful but ultimately it was nothing." She pointed at the paper clutched in my hand. "Yours is probably better, though."

I handed her my paper. Monika started to read it, her smile unfading. A minute later, she handed it back to me. "I thought it was good! It's very unique and it wasn't afraid to discuss generally untouched territory with it's overall theme. You should be proud of it, Kazuma." She said.

I was slightly taken aback that someone like Monika seemingly enjoyed the poem (unless that was fake praise, a real possibility. She is supposed to make everyone happy, after all.) "Really? To be honest, I'm not very happy with it."

"Oh?" Monika said, raising an eyebrow. "Why not?"

My mind flashed back to last night with the first Parfait Girls volume, and how I had spent almost half the night reading (and rereading it) and then doing some follow up background research on it. When I realized it was almost 2am, I ended up rushing out a poem and going to bed, so it was a good thing I had that free time last period to do some heavily needed adjustments to it.

"I was just distracted, mostly. I couldn't really think clearly. I think that my poem isn't as...organized as it could be." I barely managed to say.

Monika paused, soaking in my comment. She collected her thoughts, her finger tracing the edge of the silver laptop. "Well...consider this another 'Writing Tip of the Day'. When your writing, the outside world can often be a distraction. Internet, phones, all that. Your mind is always looking for a way out to do something more", she made a gesture with her fingers, "'fun'. My advice?"

To make her point, she pushed her laptop away. "Shut everything electronic off and focus only on your writing! And only take a break when you have something written down on that paper! If you constantly take breaks, you'll never write the end."

Just like her last writing tip, Monika's advice was extremely helpful. I should probably use that advice with tonight's poem…

"Thank you, Monika. That's really helpful." I said, my voice earnest and appreciative. Monika gave me a sweet smile. "No problem! As club president, it's my job to help everyone. Always remember you can come to me for advice on anything, and not just about literature. I'm always here for guidance if you need it!"

I thanked Monika for her critique (and honest advice) and picked up my paper with a smile. I turned and saw Yuri sitting at her desk, having just finished sharing with Natsuki.

I walked towards her desk.

…

Yuri's poem, like her first, was dripping with symbolism from beginning to end. This time, it was about being trapped in a nightmare where you are pursued by faceless demons, but you ultimate wake up to realize they are not real. At least, not in the way they are depicted. Very metaphorical, and applicable to real life.

At least, that was my interpretation of it.

"What did you think, Kazuma?" Yuri said, looking up from her Portrait of Markov book.

I glanced down at the paper again. "It was nice. I liked how the message could be applied to real life, with the demons representing people who you think are nice but actually are someone else."

Yuri gave me a lighthearted smile. "Ah, I'm glad you enjoyed it. That's isn't exactly what I had in mind when I was writing, but it's fairly close."

'Is this what's going to happen everytime we share work?' I think in the back of my head. I give Yuri my honest thoughts about her work and she tells me it's not what she was thinking of? When am I ever gonna get it right in her eyes?

I hold my paper up. "Would you like to read mine now?" I said.

"I'd be delighted to." Yuri said, gently taking my paper. Her eyes started to quickly skim the paper, trailing down to the bottom. I peeked at my phone while I waited, and quickly put it away when Yuri looked up.

Yuri picked up her ballpoint pen and tapped it against her lip, staring down at the paper, lost in thought. What was she thinking? She picked up the paper and looked down through it again, still tapping her pen.

Twenty seconds or so passed in absolute silence.

I couldn't stand it anymore. "...yes?" I said, uncertain.

Yuri was surprisingly blunt. "It has a very good concept, but it does leave a lot to be desired from me. For instance, you could have used some more stronger and emotional vocabulary at the part describing the environment, as these words fall flat and seem boring. Also, the ending, while left to be open-ending, would have worked better if you left a definitive answer…"

'So much for being delighted to read it' I thought sarcastically. Yuri continued to drone on, talking about metaphors and word usage and other interesting/non-interesting things. As much as I didn't want to admit, Yuri was beginning to bore me just a tad. Not that I was intentionally ignoring or trying to disrespect her, but I was just eager to share my poem with Natsuki (and spend a bit more time with her). And as much as I appreciate criticism, there can be too much of a good thing, right? I felt myself starting to drift off, and I shifted in my spot at the desk in front of Yuri's.

I glanced over to Sayori, busy sharing her poem with Monika. Sayori sat turned at her desk while Monika leaned against the wall. Given that it was just us five and the air conditioner was off, it was fairly easy to hear their conversation.

But they weren't talking about their poems. They were talking about something else.

"I'm just worried we won't be able to compare to everyone else's events. We do have a lot of good things going for us, but what does everyone else have going for them?", Sayori said, her voice slightly quivering.

Monika sounded indifferent. "What's there to worry about? We're gonna give it our all and do our best. Even if we don't get a single new member, at least we can say we tried."

Sayori reluctantly agreed. A pause.

"You know, Kazuma still hasn't been told what his role in the festival is yet." Sayori said.

I shifted in my seat, now all ears.

Another pause.

"I was going to tell him to pick who he wanted to work with tomorrow, after the meeting. Any one of us could use an extra set of hands." Monika said.

"He's probably gonna pick Natsuki. Her jobs the most exciting." Sayori said. I couldn't help but notice her voice was a bit more quiet now, like she didn't want her (or me) to hear. Did she notice I was eavesdropping?

"Oh? What makes you say that?" Monika replied.

"Oh, it's just a feeling. I don't mind if he doesn't pick me. I just hope he's happy and comfortable with-"

"Wouldn't you agree, Kazuma?" Yuri said.

My mind snapped back to reality. Shit, what was she saying? I should've kept an ear open for her.

I nod politely. "Yes, absolutely."

Yuri smiled. "Thank you. I'm glad you agree."

I stood up and thanked Yuri, even though I may have just sold my soul to her without even knowing. I looked across the room and saw Natsuki sitting alone. I felt a pang of sadness. Why is she always the one seemingly left out?

Time to fix that.

…

Natsuki was back to looking out the window, watching the sheets of rain patter against the window panes. I cleared my throat, and she looked up at me.

"H-hey…" she managed to say. She pushed a loose strand of her pink hair behind her ear. I sat down on the desk in front of her. "We haven't shared poems yet." I said, my finger tapping my paper. Natsuki opened her binder and unclipped the clean sheet of paper, handing it to me.

I took her poem and started to read.

Alone

By Natsuki Tamura

Alone

An endless numbers of people  
Lines and rows of faces everywhere  
We see so many, and meet a lot  
But only a handful care

How can we be utterly crowded  
How can we be surrounded

By people  
everyday  
everywhere

And still be so

Alone?

I rubbed a fleck of dirt from my eyes, and handed the paper back to her. "Wow, that was... great. It was short but it had a lot of, uh…" I made a fist and shook it, "power to it, y'know?"

Natsuki flinched at my fist, which made me pause for a moment. Did she think I was going to hit her? I could never and would never do that to her, or any girl for that matter. I should apologize.

"Oh...sorry. Sorry." I muttered.

Natsuki glanced away from me. "It's okay. It's not your fault."

Natsuki added, "Thanks for saying that."

An awkward silence. Why the hell is it always me who makes things so weird?

I shifted in my spot. "Uh...did you want to read mine now?" I held my paper out to her.

Natsuki took the paper and starts to read, sitting up in her seat. I lean by the desk next to her and wait, my eyes drifting to the windows. The rain still drummed against the windows, but it seemed more muted than earlier. 'Hopefully it'll clear up by the time the club ends.' I think to myself.

A minute passes. She has to have read it at least twice by now. It's not like I wrote a novel or something, it was only 8 lines long. Natsuki keeps staring at the paper, her eyes going up and down the paper. What is she looking for?

She finally clears her throat.

"It...it's…"

I give her a confused look. "It's what?"

Her feisty demeanor returned. "Why can't you just suck at writing? My poems were supposed to impress you, not the other way around!" She almost yells.

Wait, what?

"Y-you wanted to impress me?"

Natsuki blushed, a color so deep it almost matched her hair clip. "W-well…" she reaffirms her voice. "And what, let Yuri wow you more than me? Obviously I'm trying to impress you!"

I pause, trying to find my bearings. She's trying to impress me? But wait…

"Well, what's wrong with me trying to impress you, then?"

"N-nothing! I...umm…." She looks back at my paper, as if anything has changed in the one minute she read it.

The paper slid from her fingers, gently floating to the flood. She quickly stood up from her desk. "I-I need to get some water!" she declared, and quickly walked out of the room. Yuri and Sayori glanced up in confusion. Monikas eyes follow Natsuki out the door, and she glances in my direction.

She closes her laptop, gets up from her spot at the teacher's desk and starts to walk towards me.

'Ah, shit.' I think.

"Kazuma, is everything okay? What happened?" Monika said, taking another glance at the door.

I start to sweat. What the hell am I supposed to say?

"I don't know, honestly. We were just talking about our poems and she got really embarrassed for some reason…" my voice trailed off, getting quieter with every word.

Monika bent down to pick up the fallen paper,dusted it off with her hand. "Well, maybe she was just nervous around you, is all."

I paused. "N-nervous?"

Monika shrugged. "Well, you are the first boy in our club, after all. Or maybe she was just nervous about-"

A hand reaches out and snatches the paper from Monika's. "You shouldn't mess with things that weren't meant for you, you know! You have an awfully bad habit of doing that!" Natsuki barked at her club president. Neither of us noticed her enter.

"Oh? Sorry, I didn't know Kazuma wrote it just for you." Monika says with a sly grin.

"Ngh!" Natsuki cries, caught in her own words. "Th-that's not what I meant! You know what I meant!"

Monika paused, thinking about something. "Wait, what did you mean by 'I have a bad habit of doing that'?" Monika says, her smile gone.

"Like my manga set! Why do you keep messing with it!?" Natsuki retorted, voice still laced with annoyance.

Monika pauses. "You think I'm doing it just to mess with you? The teacher specifically asked me to move them to make room for her materials. This isn't just our clubroom, you know."

Natsuki stammers, once again beat. She didn't have a defense. "W-well, just tell me where you put it next time! Last time it wasnt even in the closet!" She said, pointing to a tall bookshelf standing outside the closet door. "It was all the way up there, out in the open! Where people could touch and mess with it!"

Monika sighed and spread her hands. "I only do what the teacher says. She told me to put it there. I'm sorry for not telling you in advance, but I do what she says."

Natsuki scoffed and gave a dismissive wave. Monika just smiled. She walked away, leaving me and Natsuki alone.

…

Natsuki gave a huff, and looked at me.

"And what about you? Do you have my manga?"

My mind snaps back to the Parfait Girls, a surprisingly good read despite it being mostly filler. Natsuki was right.

"Oh, right." I say, reaching into my bag. I pull out the book and hand it to her. Natsuki quickly takes the book and flips through the pages, looking for tears. She shuts it and flips it over. She squints at it. "Wait...did you clean it? It looks immaculate."

I give a slight grin. "I said it would be in better shape then when you gave it to me, didn't I? I always keep true to my word."

Natsuki blushes. "You um...you didn't have to do that, you know."

I give a wave. "Don't worry about it. Just wanted to show my appreciation for you loaning it to me."

Natsuki smiled, showing off her adorable little fang.

"Now, did you want to start reading the next one today or...?"

Her face lights up. "Oh, yes! Come with me." she grabs my hand and pulls me into the closet. She quickly looks around, but becomes almost disoriented. "Where is it…" I hear her mumble before she looks up at the very top shelf.

And there, sitting next to a stack of textbooks, was the Parfait Girls boxset.

She cursed. "Seriously, Monika! At the very top!?" she yells, echoing out to the class. There was a pause. "I didn't put it there!" Monika replied with a light giggle.

Natsuki growled, and tapped her foot angrily. She looked around, opened up the cabinet. She sighed and slammed it shut. Natsuki looked at me and walked out of the closet. I lingered by the door, watching her. What the hell was she doing?

Hopping across the room, Natsuki walked to the teachers desk and grabbed the leather chair and quickly started to push it across the room to the closet. From their spot by the class door, Yuri and Monika humorously watched her roll the chair across but said nothing. Sayori didn't even seem to notice, her focus on eating what looked like a cookie.

I raised a hand up. "Natsuki, this is too dangerous. Just let me get them..." I reached a hand to the shelf to grab them, but Natsuki quickly slapped it away. "I can get them myself!" she said, her voice sharply rising with every word. She pushes the chair into place and wobbly started to climb it, clutching the shelf for support.

She turns and looks at me.

"Well don't just sit there, help me!"

Women.

She pointed down to the armrests on the chair. "Hold it in place while I grab the set."

"Natsuki, I can get it down for you. You don't have to-"

"I can do this myself! I don't need help!"

That's why I'm holding the chair for you, right? Why the hell are girls always this complicated?

I sighed as I got a better grip on the armrests. Natsuki tiptoed as she tried to grab the boxset, grabbing the lower shelves to not fall over.

I glanced up.

Holy shit.

Nononononono not looking nonopenooonuhuh. Noooooooo.

Natsuki's legs wobbled, and she shifted on her feet to get a better standing on the chair. Reaching forward, she grabbed the manga boxset with both hands and lifted it above her head. "Got it!" She said, her voice triumphant.

The momentum of her lifting the box above (and behind her) caused her to lean back.

"Natsuki!" I yelled.

The girl yelped as she struggled to find her footing. Gravity ultimately won, and the pink-haired girl lost her balance, the chair sliding out from beneath her feet. The girl fell into my arms as I tried to break her fall. I fell back-first on the tiled floor and tried to shield her with my body. The books landed and slid around us.

I opened my eyes up.

Our noses were almost touching. Natsuki's eyes were still shut so she didn't notice. I quickly reeled back and stood up, dusting myself off. I extended an arm out to help her up.

She started to sob.

She sat up on the ground and pulled up her sleeve. I looked at her arm and saw an ugly looking bruise about the width of an orange start to form, welting by her arm joint. Discolored shades of purple, green and puke yellow started to form.

"Oh Christ. Oh my God are you okay? Oh God let me take a loo-" I started to say, voice panicking.

Before I could finish, Monika hastily rushed up to us. Sayori and Yuri trailed behind her.

"What the hell happened?" She snapped.

Natsuki turned to look up at her. Monika instantly saw the bruise and gasped. "Oh my God, Natsuki!" She said, her voice slightly panicked but trying to keep a calm tone.

Monika started to help Natsuki up, her voice sweet and calming. "Come on baby, let's get you cleaned up." She looked at Sayori and Yuri, both standing awkwardly a few feet away, unsure of what to do. She made a nodding gesture, and the two girls followed behind their club president. "It's okay, it's okay...", Monika kept repeating, rubbing Natsuki's hair, trying to calm her down like a parent would a crying child.

Monika looked down at me. "Kazuma, please be so kind as to clean..." she made a gesture to the fallen books. "this up."

And with that, the three girls walked out the clubroom, leaving me lost and confused. I didn't look up to check, but I sensed that someone had lingered by the door, giving me a judgemental look before leaving. Probably Yuri, or Natsuki herself.

'This is it', I thought. This is what ruins my standing with these girls. Yuri, Natsuki, Monika, hell probably Sayori think I'm some sort of monster now. God damnit. God damnit.

Anger washed over me, loathing myself. So much for trying to make friends, Kazuma. How the hell does anyone recover from this? You might as well not bother showing up tomorrow.

I looked down at the scattered books, spread out across the floor. I sighed and started to pick them up one by one, placing them in a stack on one of the desk seats.

I grabbed one of the books (volume 2, the one I was supposed to read next) and flipped it over.

"Oh no." I said to myself.

The books cover was bent at an odd angle, with the laminated plastic now bent white at the crease line. I gingerly tried to bend it back into place, but it just started to crack.

If Natsuki is as crazy as she seems about the condition of her books, she's gonna ring my mind raced.

What do I do? They'll be back any minute.

I zipped open my bag and carefully placed the book inside, pushing aside a few papers and folders to make room for it.

I hastily zipped it up just as the door clicked open, and the three girls entered. Natsuki's sleeve was pulled up, and I could see gauze wrapped around her arm, with what looked like an ice pack pressed under it. Yuri and Sayori were talking to Natsuki, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I felt awful.

Monika walked up to me. "Uh, Kazuma…" she started. "Do you think you and I could have a private chat for a sec'?"

'This really is it', I thought. This is her telling me not to come to the meeting tomorrow. God damnit. God damnit.

"Sure." I said, my voice said weakly. Monika gave a weak smile and started to walk to the door. I held my head down slightly, like a dog punished for peeing on the carpet.

I didn't check, but it felt like three sets of eyes were staring at me, none of them thinking happy thoughts.

…

Monika and I stepped outside. I glanced out the wide windows of the hallway, facing towards a parking lot (and further beyond, the town of Ichikawa). The rain seemed to die down a tad, but light sheets of rain still drummed against the windows.

The door clicked shut.

"Monika, I can explain-"

Monika raised up a hand to silence me. "There's no need. Natsuki explained everything. She was trying to get her manga set and she fell, and you tried to cushion her fall. Just an accident."

"Is she alright?" I said.

Monika shook her head. "Fine for the most part, just that bruise she got from the fall. Yuri wrapped it up as best she could. It should do until she gets home." She paused. "But it did look painful."

"Oh Jesus." I said, turning away to face the window. I ran my fingers through my hair.

"It's not your fault, Kazuma. It was an accident. These things happen." She put a hand on my shoulder "Listen, your not in trouble. But I do think you should talk to Natsuki and say...well, something. It would be very awkward if you didn't."

I sighed.

"Okay?" She said, reaffirming. She patted me on my shoulder. "Just don't worry about it. I don't hate you. Yuri or Sayori understand it was an accident. Just don't worry. Everything's fine."

She opened the classroom door, and I followed behind her. Monika clapped her hands together, trying to take control of the still-awkward situation. "Ah, alright everyone. I think we can call that a day. Now I want everyone to write at least one more poem before we start working on the festival. Okay? Good. Good."

Yuri grabbed her bag, waved goodbye to us and walked out of the door, once again reading her Portrait of Markov book. Monika walked over to the teachers desk and started to pack up her things. She looked up and me, and shifted her eyes to Natsuki. I knew what that meant. 'Go talk to her'.

Sayori walked up to me, a smile on her face. "Hey...did you still want to walk home? I have an umbrella we can share.", She said, raising up her polka-dotted umbrella.

I walked up behind Natsuki, slowly putting away her binder into her bag.

"Uhhh...just, hang on a second." I put a hand on her shoulder and walked to where Natsuki was.

"...Natsuki?" I said quietly.

Surprised, she turned around to face me. Her face had a dreadful expression, like she knew this conversation was going to happen. I felt 10 times worse now for forcing this on her.

"Uh," I fumbled with my words. "Could we talk in private for a minute? Like, downstairs or somewhere?" I nervously tapped my fingers together, almost like how Sayori does.

Natsuki shifted on her feet. "S-sure."

She and I both walked out the door.

…

The rain still continued, but it didn't seem as bad as it was earlier. Natsuki and I sat down on the stairs facing the entrance of the seniors building, watching the rain fall against the floor-to-ceiling windows of the lobby.

I coughed.

"Natsuki…" I started, unsure of what I wanted to say. "I'm truly sorry about what happened back there. I didn't mean for it to happen."

Natsuki waved her hand. "You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault. I should have just let you get the stupid books."

My mind crawled back to the damaged book, and I felt a shiver run up my spine. I had to tell her, no matter how she reacts or if she blames me.

I took my bag off my shoulder and unzipped it, reaching for the damaged book. I pulled it out and showed it to her, the cover facing her. "I know you don't want to hear this, but it would be wrong to not tell you." She looked at me. I revealed the damaged book, resting in my hands. "One of the books got damaged. I, um…I tried to get the fold out of the cover, but it didn't fully come out. I'm truly sorry."

Natsuki gave a light gasp, and I could see tears start to swell in her eyes. She turned away, covering her face with her hands.

I followed her, putting a hand on her back. "Oh no. Look, I'm really sor-"

She cut me off, her voice choking. "I-it's not t-that..." she started, tears tangling her voice like barbed wire.

"Natsuki…" I started, but my voice fell silent.

"It's j-just...things are r-really hard for me r-right now...and you've just been so n-n-nice to me...and I've been n-nothing but r-rude to you and…" she started to cry.

I turned her to me and embraced her, my arms wrapping around her. I gently stroked her hair, trying to soothe her like Monika did.

"Natsuk, it's okay. I understand. Your going through some stuff and you don't have anywhere to vent at." I said, eyes now level with her. Those beautiful pink eyes stared into mine, and I felt my heart rate speed up.

"I just want to say that...that I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to you. I know it's only been a few days, but I do care for you and want to see you happy.

Natsuki wiped away the tears from her eyes, sniffling.

"But, um...in the meantime."

I reached for my wallet and opened it up, and took out a slightly crinkled 2000 yen note (equivalent to a 20$ bill in USD) and handed it to her, the bill folded in my fingers.

"For a replacement copy."

Natsuki seemed taken aback, staring at the note. "Kazuma, you really don't have to..." she objected. I pushed the note into her hands, closing them on the note. For a moment, our hands were almost intertwined.

"No, I insist. And don't worry about paying me back, it's on me." I said, pulling my hands away.

For a moment, I thought she would start crying again. Then, without warning, Natsuki embraced me in a tight hug, her arms wrapping around my chest.

"Th-thank you." I heard her mumble through my blazer, voice muffled through my shirt.

She released me, but I felt the sensation of her warmth still clinging to me. I never wanted to let her go.

She sniffled again. "W-well, now that you have the next volume, you can start reading it." She stammered. "I-if you wanted to."

I smiled. "It'll be the first thing I do when I get home."

A smile returned to her face. "And then we can read the next one together tomorrow."

My heart pounded in my chest. "I can't wait." I said, trying to sound as relaxed as possible.

"Okay..." she lingered. She shifted on her feet. "You can go now if you want. I was gonna wait for the rain to stop."

"Why?" I asked. It could be hours before that happens.

She turned away, embarrassed. "I forgot my umbrella."

I dug into my bag and pulled out the umbrella I had packed away. I handed it to her. Natsuki stared at the umbrella, and gently took it in her small hand. She looked up at me.

"Don't worry about it.", I said. "Just bring it back tomorrow."

"I will.", She said, her voice now quiet. I smiled, feeling much better about myself now.

"Okay….bye.", She said waving. She opened the umbrella up and opened the door. I could hear the rain outside now, the sweet smell of the condensation flushing in.

And with that, she turned to face the storm.

Everything in my mind and body screamed 'Walk her home, you fucking idiot. Make her feel safe.', but I knew Sayori was already waiting for me to walk her home upstairs, and I couldn't just leave her hanging like that. Maybe I can walk her home tomorrow, but not today.

And as I watched Natsuki step out into the rain, in the back of my mind, the perfect idea for a poem started to bloom.


	5. Poems are Forever

The dim light of my desklamp reflected across the walls of my room, the only real source of light coming in except for the streetlamps outside. The doors leading out to the hallway and my bathroom were shut and I was, once again, the only person in the house. On my desk, a few bottles of Ramune soda sat empty, my bag dangling open on my chair, hanging by a strap.

I was laying down on my twin-size bed, head up against the wall. A thin yellowpad and ballpoint pen laid in my lap. The page I had open was scrawled with several bulletpoints and various doodles, the corner of the papers slightly dogeared from toying with them. A half-empty Strawberry Ramune bottle and a dirty bowl from supper, (a minced vegetable dish) sat on my nightstand. Plugged up to the wall was a tiny, white plastic radio (a 1970's model with no clock, a mail-in Christmas gift from my American aunt overseas) softly playing dramatic orchestra music.

I thudded my head against the wall and sighed.

I had followed Monika's advice from today's club meeting and turned off my laptop and phone hours ago (except for my radio, on the concept that some background music would help 'get the juices flowing'). Since I got home, it was just me and my thoughts. I contemplated inviting Sayori over to brainstorm our final poems together, but tossed the idea aside. She probably wouldn't feel like going out anywhere anyway, preferring to sleep in like she normally does.

I stared across the room, fixated on the tiny wastebasket tucked into the corner. To the brim it was filled with crumpled up yellow papers, various sketches and ideas scrawled on them all. All rejects.

As I stared at the balls of trash piled up, I felt my emotions grow more...disgusted. Maybe not disgusted, but upset. Upset at myself for not being smart enough to come up with a decent poem by now.

I clicked my pen over and over in annoyance. I glanced down at the yellowpad again, and tossed it aside.

'I need some air.' I thought to myself.

I got up from my bed and walked to my window, moving aside a few books sitting on the windowsill to prevent them from falling outside. I snatched the last Ramune bottle from my desk and popped it open, forgetting I already had one open.

I unlatched the window locks and propped it open.

The rain was reduced to a light drizzle, faintly sprinkling on my shirt sleeves and hair. I took a sip from my Ramune bottle and looked out across the neighborhood. The pagoda-inspired rooftops were neatly organized, a tightly-designed grid extending as far as my eyes could see. Usual urban life sounds (a dog barking, cars driving by, crickets) filled my ears.

Some twelve miles away past the river, the faint outline of the downtown Tokyo skyline was visible, the bright lights shining through the fogs haze. The majestic Tokyo Skytree (the tallest structure in Japan at 2080 feet tall, for the record) gleamed through the night, with the smaller, more homely Tokyo Tower nearby. If I squinted, I could just make out the thin outline of Mount Fuji, the white-capped mountain looming over the city.

I sighed.

'This was going to be harder than I thought'.

But what was I expecting? Love poems have never been my forte (hell, love in general is something I've always treaded a thin line on). All the ideas I had developed these past few hours (including the one I had when I watched Natsuki leave) were okay, but they all felt too...crass. And cliche. Like it was something just written on a whim, a last-minute essay due next period. No emotion or heart to it, just robotic. If I was writing a poem like this, I wanted it to have soul.

Whatever I wrote, it had to be good-no, no, great. The best damn poem I'd ever write. It's gonna be the last one before we start working on the festival, Monika said? Then make it the best.

Only the best for Natsuki.

I took a swig from my drink, letting the sweet flavors swish around in my mouth.

A breeze blew in my face, and I felt a shudder rush up my spine, but not because of the cold. The question I had been dreading finally came to stare me in the face.

'What if she doesn't like it?'

And to add to that, 'What if she doesn't like me?'

Well, then that's it, then. She'd read the poem and catch the hint, be weirded out and probably tell Sayori...who'd tell Monika...who'd tell Yuri, and that would be it. I'd be embarrassed out if the Literature Club, probably labeled a creep ('He only joined just to get with one of us!') Sayori would look down on me and try to slowly disassociate herself from me (probably stop talking to me altogether, history aside). Things would be incredibly awkward after, then I'd have no choice but to go back to life as 'normal'. Only talking to a few pre-existing friends, and once they found out...well, bye bye social life.

What a nightmare.

Another swig.

Unless it's just all in my head, my brain over-exaggerating reality. Fear taking root of your thoughts, amplifying the negatives while diminishing the positives. While there's a chance she might not like it, there's also the chance she will.

I tapped the bottle against the windowsill, listening to the glass gently clink...clink...clink.

Suddenly, a spark.

'Wait', I thought, trying to grasp this idea.

Yes. This is perfect. Yes yes yes.

I ducked my head inside and slammed the window shut. The radio was playing a slow jazz cover, full of saxophone (almost sounded like "How Deep is Your Love?", but I wasn't sure.) I swiped up my yellow notepad and pen, putting it down on my desk. I can't afford to lose this idea. I sat down at my desk, pushing aside the stacks of papers and books.

Eagerly, I brandished my pen and began to write.

…

An hour later, I had a neatly-written poem printed on a clean sheet of notepaper. I read and reread it, going over the final details. With a smile, I decided that it was perfect (well, about as perfect as it could get). Maybe Yuri wouldn't like how slightly lacking it was in sophisticated vocabulary, but then again, I didn't write it for her.

In 'celebration', I powered on my phone and laptop, and was greeted to a flurry of notifications. I swiped through most of them, either unimportant or not worth spending a few minutes on. News reports, new episode updates for my favorite series...nothing special.

I yawned, and glanced out the window from my chair. The inky blackness of the night persisted, with the moons glare shining on the traces of clouds. A quiet, serene scene. I looked down and glanced at my phone's clock.

2:23am.

Christ, how long did I spend working on that poem? It had to be at least several hours, maybe, of on and off work. However long it was, it has to be the most I've ever worked on anything, school-related or not.

I stretched my arms out, twisting to pop my back. After all that work, I was incredibly tired, yet I still had school in a few hours and I had to give Sayori her wake-up call.

I took a sip from my Ramune bottle, fighting to stay awake. 'I can sleep for a few hours and still wake up in time in the morning', my mind managed to process. I lazily grabbed my phone and set up an alarm for 7:00 sharp. I stood up and walked over to my inviting bed, collapsing onto the neatly-pressed sheets.

Just a few hours of sleep. Then we'll show Natsuki the poem and everything will be…

My world fell to black.

…

I woke up several hours later, the sunset glazing in through the window. My mind was locked in a state of confusion before I realized I had slept through the day. I tried to call Sayori to let her know what happened, but it went straight to voicemail. I cursed, and sat up on my bed. I should try going to her house and apologize for not showing up to the meeting (or giving her an explanation so late) face-to-face.

I clicked open the door to the hallway.

Natsuki was standing there, motionless. Her skirt was torn in several places, part of her vest sleeve ripped off. Her face was staring down at the floor, her pink hair dirtied and frayed. In her hand, I saw a heavily damaged book, scorch marks on the cover. Parfait Girls?

I stammered. "N-Natsu-"

"You weren't at school today. We were all waiting for you, but you didn't show." she growled, her voice low and distant.

I took a step back, slightly defensive. "Natsuki, I can ex-"

She followed. "Me and you reading together was all I had to look forward to, and you ripped that pleasure away from me. How could you do that?" She continued.

I felt a shiver. "Natsuki, I'm sorry-"

"When I realized you weren't gonna come, I hid in the bathroom and cried. Is that what you want? For me to be hurt more than I already am?" She said, her voice cracking with that last part.

What did she mean? Hurt more than I already am? What's going on?

"Natsuki, please-"

She threw the book aside. "HELP ME, KAZUMA! PLEASE! PLAY WITH ME!" her voice gargled, her throat choking. She coughed, and a spray of blood lashed my face. I tripped and fell back, scooting away in a state of absolute fear.

My eyes were frozen.

She looked up at me and gave me a wicked smile. Her facial features had vanished, leaving only a blank white face and that wide, broken grin. "HELP ME!" she screeched, voice piercing through my ears.

There was a sickening crunch, and her neck seemed to contort and snapped in two. My jaw dropped in horror, as her body convulsed. She rushed towards me, and her small hands wrapped around my neck-

…

I gasped as my eyes snapped open, my alarm blaring in my ears. I turned on my bed and hastily grabbed it with sweaty hands, my eyes squinting at the bright screen. With a few taps, the alarm ceased.

"What the fuck…" I kept muttering to myself, trying to understand the nightmare. I ran my fingers through my hair, rubbing my eyes clear of gunk.

What in the everloving fuck was that? Why was Natsuki like that? What did it mean? Was there a meaning? And furthermore, what did she mean by 'hurt more than I already am?'

I shook the thoughts away. 'It was just a nightmare. All this stressing out caused it. I need to stop worrying.' I tried to tell myself, but the ugly thoughts lingered.

I stepped into my bathroom to relieve myself. I finished up and reached into the shower to turn the water on. I slipped out of my clothes and hopped into the shower, dousing my hair in the hot jets of water. The water rushed over my body, and put me at ease. By the time I had finished, I forgot all about the nightmare (to my relief).

I dried myself off and went through with my usual morning routine. Got dressed, combed my hair, brushed my teeth, all that. I shoved my phone into my pocket and quietly stepped downstairs, trying not to wake my parents.

The living room and kitchen was dark, the lights off. I turned on the oven light and turned the knob on one of the stoves. I quietly pulled out a pan from the pantry and set it on the quickly-heating stove. I turned and dug into the fridge, pulling out a four-count carton of eggs, and started pulling out other ingredients.

I can hear the stove click off and I return to it's attention. I take three of the eggs from the container and crack then on the rim of the pan, hearing the sizzlepopopopop of the egg mix with the heat.

In a few minutes, I had a nice, seasoned omelette on a plate ready to eat. I took the other two omelettes I had made and put them in the fridge, a little surprise for my parents when they wake up. I quietly wash the dishes and replace them in the drawers.

I grab my plate and take a seat at the dining table, headphones in. I quickly devour my breakfast, scrolling through today's morning news. I glance up at the clock hanging up on the wall, resting above a portrait of myself, my mother and my father.

7:37am.

'Well, now would be a good a time as ever to call her', I thought. I take my plate upstairs and open my phone, tapping to the dialer. I punched in Sayori's cell. I walked over to my window and took in the morning scenery. Outside, I could hear a few birds crying out their usual morning chorus. I pressed my phone to my ear with my shoulder, digging through my bag for my binder.

The line clicked. A groggy, female voice answered. "H...hello?"

"Sayori? It's Kazuma."

Silence.

"...Sayori?"

Her voice returns, now chipper and bright. "Oh, hi Kazuma! Why did you call me this early?"

I pause. Did she really forget? "Don't you remember from yesterday? I was going to give you a wake-up call every morning." I pull out my binder, solid black and stuffed with papers.

"Oh, right! I almost forgot. I'll be down in a few minutes." She says. Through the phone, I can hear a faucet running.

I grab my poem from my desk and slide it into a holder. "Cool. See you then." I say, and hang up on her. I close up my binder and stuff it back into my bag, right next to the Parfait Girls volume.

Oh, fuck.

How did I forget? I was supposed to read it yesterday so I could read with Natsuki after the club meeting! I grind my teeth in anger. Damnit. I shake my head. 'I can just read it through the day and have it done by the time the club meeting starts'. Sure, I might look dorky reading manga out in public, but I don't really care. It's important.

I flick the lights off to my room and close the door, heading downstairs. I quietly open the front door and lock it behind me, walking to the gate. The convenience is that Sayori lives only a few doors down from me, a walk that takes less than a...

I peer down the street.

A girl rests up against the fencing, looking up at the sky. A dash of red in her orange/pink-tinted hair. Brown blazer and a blue skirt. Sayori.

She glances in my direction, almost not noticing me. "Kazuma!" She waves her arms excitedly, as if I can't see her. I chuckle and walk towards her, but she runs up to me and embraces me.

I smile despite her eagerness. "Nice to see you too, Sayori." I say, with an awkward laugh.

We start the walk to school, chatting indistinctly about schoolwork and other random stuff. We of course talk about the club, and Sayori brings up that the Literature Club has a group chat that I need to be added to now that I'm a member, which should be...interesting, to say the least.

We reach the gates of the school and gives me another hug and says her goodbyes. She starts to run off before I stop her. "Woah, what's the rush?" I say, confused.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you! I'm meeting Monika this morning so we can discuss the plans for the festival. I was supposed to meet her now, so I need to get there fast."

I give her a look. "Why can't I go?" My mind traces back to Yuri and Natsuki. Are they going to go?

She pauses. "Oh, well it's…" she tries to find her words. "private talk, y'know? President and Vice-president talk. Well tell y'all today at the meeting. Anyway, I gotta go!" She gives me a final wave before she darts off, dodging pass the slow-moving students around her.

I stand alone, still confused. 'President and Vice-president talk?' Wonder what that entails. I can't help but wonder if their talk is about me, in a bad way. About the events yesterday, perhaps?

I shake those thoughts away. Sayori did say she would share their discussion with everyone else today. I'll just have to wait. Plus, if I did go with her, I wouldn't have time to catch up with the Parfait Girls.

I walk through the main building, double checking the campus map at the front doors. My eyes scan for the library…

…

The third period bell rang, and the class became alive with activity. Lunchtime had arrived, and a lot of students were eager for today's menu, nikujaga (a rich beef stew with potatoes).

I slung my bag over my shoulder and mixed with the crowd, in unison making their way to the cafeteria. I entered the cafeteria, a long low building with windows extending all the way up to the roofline. During the midday natural light streamed in through the massive, unobstructed windows, giving it a peaceful air. Fountains and small trees dotted the court, giving it a more au natural feeling. Most people sat on the ground floor, but there was also an elevated seating area overlooking the main court, accessible via stairwell. It was typically occupied by people looking for a more 'quiet' and reserved place to enjoy their meals. I usually sat there when I need to cramstudy before a class, or to sit and enjoy my manga with few judgement.

The air smelled rich with spices, which made my stomach rumble all the more. I joined the line and in a few minutes had a steaming bowl of soup (plus a cookie treat and a side dish of fried rice to go with it) in my hands on a tray.

Now, where to sit? At this school, everyone had their own sort of 'cliques', i.e groups that always hang out together. I usually sit by myself somewhere secluded, or more often with some friends I share interests with (mainly anime). But I don't...

A flash of pink catches my eye. My eyes swivel back to relocate it.

There, sitting up against the farthest wall, nose down in a small, colorfully-decorated book. Blue skirt tucked in her legs, muted pink bag sitting next to her. Red clip in her hair. Face with a monotone expression, focus directed at her manga.

Natsuki.

'What the hell? Why is she all alone? Is she always alone at lunch?' My mind raced through a billion different answers. Do Monika, Sayori and Yuri not have this lunch? Do they go off campus to eat? Does Natsuki not like going along with them?

I felt my bowl shift on my tray, from my hands starting to shake with nervousness.

'I have to go talk to her.' I think.

I start to move past the students, who pay me no mind. My mind continues to swirl. Have I seen her eat lunch here beforehand? There's usually a couple of loners sitting up against the wall, on their phone or otherwise. It feels like there's always been a dash of pink among them. My stomach gets heavy. If only I had known her before, she'd always have someone to sit with.

'Just be cool. Be cool. Be cool….'

I stand in front of her. She hasn't noticed me yet, I don't think.

I clear my throat. "Natsuki?"

She glanced up and jumps at the sight of me. "K-Kazuma?" She stutters, dropping her manga (Parfait Girls volume 3, the next one I'm supposed to read). "What are you doing here?"

I shift on my feet. "I have this lunch. Why are you all by yourself?"

She looks away, ashamed. "...I don't have anyone to sit with."

"What? What about Monika and the others?" I swear, if they purposefully leave her out of their clique, I'll…

She shrugs. "They don't have this lunch. They're in the B Group."

My emotions relax. "I see." At this school, there's two lunches, A and B. Usually A Lunch is filled with third and fourth years, with B having first and second, but there's always a few kids who get left out of the majority.

"Is that why your on the floor, then?" I ask.

She gets up and dusts herself off, the Parfait Girls volume clutched in her hand. "Why do you care?" She says, her voice icy cold.

"I was just wondering if you…" my hands grip the tray. "would like to sit with me? I get it if you don't want to..." I mentally prepare myself for an outright rejection, or a laugh in the face.

Natsuki blushes. "Umm, s-sure. But I don't know where we'd sit." she say, her eyes scanning the sea of heads.

I smile. "Just follow me." I watch her grab her stuff and I walk past the rows of tables heading for the upstairs sitting area. Natsuki walks side-by-side with me up the stairs.

Thankfully, the deck is relatively free of students. Only a couple kids are scattered across the tables, chatting and eating indistinctly. A few kids give us a glance but return to their business. I walk over to a corner table with a nice view of the lower court. Natsuki put her bag down and takes a seat. I put my tray down and join her.

There's a brief pause.

Natsuki speaks up. "Have you finished the Parfait Girls volume yet?" Her hand rests on her current volume.

I take a bite of my rice, sharp with flavor. I nod, having managed to finish the book before the first bell. "Yeah. It was really good. You were right about how things get interesting after a while. I can tell that stuff is about to get…" I twirl my fork. "real." I laugh.

She politely joins the laugh.

I can't help but notice how Natsuki is eyeing my soup, her eyes hungry. I take a sip of my drink before I dare to ask. "Did you eat lunch already?"

She turns away, arms folded. "No."

"What? Why not? The lines died down a bit." I say, pointing towards the food line below with my fork. Compared to earlier, now only a few kids were waiting in line for their meals.

"I know, but I forgot to bring my money." She says, embarrassed.

I don't even hesitate. I gently pushed my tray towards her,

Natsuki glances down at the tray, and gives it a look of disbelief. "Kazuma...are you sure?" She says, eyes locked on the still-steaming bowl of soup.

I nod. "Well, it would be mean to offer it to you just to take it away from you, wouldn't it? And don't worry, I'll just get a bite from the vending machine later." I make a motion with my hands. "Eat."

Natsuki picks up the utensils, and gives me a final "Are you sure? glance. I just nod.

For a few moments, it's mostly silent as Natsuki hungrily wolf's down the stew, draining the bowl in a few minutes.

My mind claws for a conversation piece. I think back to the poems.

'Now's your chance, Kazuma. Don't ruin it.'

I reach down to my bag. "Hey, so um...I have my poem with me, and I was wondering if you wanted to trade them now so we don't have to later, and we can get to reading Parfait Girls quicker." A pause. "That is, i-if you want to." I add for good measure, so she doesn't feel forced.

She just smiles. "Sure." She unlatches her bag and pulls out a pink folder, a few hearts and cat stickers decorating the front. I pull out my binder and retrieve the paper. I feel my heart beat just a little quicker...

"I'll go first. Here." I hand her the paper. She gingerly takes it and glances at it.

Moment of truth.

She starts to read, still eating the last few grains of rice. I watch her face turn from general boredom to intrigue and ending with...all I can call it is amazement. Her cheeks flush red.

"Wow...that was…that was…" her voice is slightly higher toned. "Um…that was…"

I butt in. "...bad?" Fuck, here we go.

She quickly shakes her head no. "Nonono, it was...just, wow. I, um...you wrote this for me-" she drops her spoon and almost yells. "I MEAN THE CLUB!" she laughs awkwardly. "You wrote this for the-the club?"

On the outside I look neutral, normal. But on the inside I'm screaming.

'She loved it! Oh my God!' I feel a massive weight lifted off my chest, a hurdle passed. Now the question is…

"Yeah, I spent all night working on it. It's our last poem we'll share together before we work on the festival, so I wanted to make it good for y-the club." Fuck, did she hear that?

She nods her head. "It was really good, Kazuma. I didn't expect you to write something this...good." she hands me the paper back, slightly quivering in her hand.

My mind still in a daze. I can't believe it. She loved it. She loved it. She loved it.

"...but I still think mines better." She quirps, handing me her own paper. It's a slightly dogeared piece of copy paper, written with pencil. I can see her polite, cutesy handwriting from here.

My hand quickly takes the paper and I start to read. Like a sponge, I absorb every word.

Breathless  
by Natsuki Tamura

In and out  
Inhale, exhale  
Repetitive and constant  
A machine that never turns off

A thick, inky smog clogs my nose  
Searing my face, the heat  
It burns, hurts  
This smoke which I can't wave away

Then, a light in the darkness  
You come to blow the smoke away  
And with you  
It's a breath of fresh air

My lungs are clean  
My eyes can see again  
And my heart is happy

My hands clutch the paper. My head swirls with a billion thoughts. The smells of everyone's lunches fills my nostrils and my eyes blur just a tad. Is this really happening.

I can't believe it. Am I dreaming? Certainly I'll wake up from this daze and be in bed, struggling to write a poem for today.

She wrote this for me. This was written at me. She had to. There's no other way to decipher this. The metaphors, the analogies, the...everything! This has to be a confession, right?

"...Kazuma?" Natsuki waves her hand in my face, snapping me out of my trance.

I open my mouth to speak.

The bell rings.

'WHAT? No, nonono! It can't be like this!' my mind screams. 'Why the hell did it have to ring NOW! God fucking damnit!'

The cafeteria becomes abuzz with activity, students dumping their trash away and heading out the double doors to class. "Ah, well..I guess I'll just tell you my thoughts at the club meeting, then." I start to hand her the paper back. To my surprise, she pushes the paper back to me.

"Actually...why don't you hold onto it…" she pauses, a light blush on her face. "Yknow, for safe keeping."

My hands grip the paper tighter. 'It was meant for me. It was meant for me to have. She wants me to keep it.' My mind repeats these words over and over.

"Oh, sure." I try to say, keeping my voice tranquil and chill but actually starting to shake with nervousness. I can't believe this is actually happening.

We walk together downstairs, the empty tray in hands. We stop in front of the doors leading out to the foyer. I put the tray into a trashcan and turn to her. "So, I'll see you at the clubroom?" I say, adjusting my bag on my shoulders. She nods. "Yeah. Share with me last so we can just get back to reading, okay?" she says, those beautiful pink eyes staring at me.

I smile. "I can't wait."

She turns away. I can see a trace of a blush on her cheeks. "Alright...bye." she gives me a small wave and hurriedly walks away to class. I give a final look and turn away.

My heart feels like it could explode, but if it did I wouldn't care. I'd die a happy man.


	6. Daijoubu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Hope you are enjoying the story thus. Just would like to clarify that this story is intended to be realistic, so Monika does not have deleting powers or anything like that. Also I would like to say if you are interested in active updates on this story instead of being left in the dark, I would follow my Instagram page 'natsukis.meme.bakery' (as well as having some DDLC in your feed). That's all. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

"When we look at the data provided by the media outlets, we discover that the information provided by eyewitnesses tends to fluctuate between accounts. Some describe the assailant as firing twelve rounds, while other describe him as firing six. You may ask yourself, "How can this be? Why is there such a glaring variation amongst people's accounts of the incident?" One possible explanation for such…"

Dr. Kido, my sixth period instructor, continued to drone on to a relatively-silent class, busy scribbling notes down in their journals. My journal, a simple spiral notebook, laid open on my desk, but it had been a while since I had jotted down any notes this period. While Theory of Knowledge has always been an interesting class to me, my mind was almost entirely occupied elsewhere today.

I stared down at my desk, fingers flicking the edges of Natsuki's poem as I read it for perhaps the 20th time that day. My eyes grazed over the stanzas over and over again, soaking up every word. I felt my finger brush the outline of her signature, a simple scribble in the corner of the paper.

I kept turning the lines over like a burger patty on the grill. Not taking anything away from it, she wrote a very good poem, using simple words to give vivid descriptions. Ultimately easier to digest than Yuri's abuse of complicated vocabulary, or Monika's...abstract view of reality. As I kept rereading it, I was locked on the idea that this was a confession of affection, reading inbetween the lines. It had to be, or at the very least a hint of such emotions. Nevertheless, the very idea made my heart pound faster than I've ever felt it beat.

Just one thing troubled me, however; the intro. I still couldn't piece together what exactly the smoke and the ugly thoughts was referring to. My mind recalls our conversation last time, when she started crying to me about the Parfait Girls volume. What did she say?

'Things are really hard for me right now…'

What did she mean? What could possibly be troubling her so much to the point of a breakdown? My mind failed to think of a reason.

Chances are it's school-related. A lot of students are getting in over their heads about the end of this semester, trying to get their late work turned in before the gradebooks closed, solidifying their academic standing to potential universities. Even the best and brightest of students (like Monika) would be lying if they weren't fretting just a little bit.

I glanced out the window.

Call it stereotyping, but I couldn't help but connect Natsuki's exhibited persona to an anime cliche called a 'tsundere', or a character that acts cold to the main character/Protagonist (in this case, myself), but later begins to be friendly to them (and depending on the series, falls in love). The initial hostility at my joining the club, refusing help at getting the Parfait Girls volumes down, then slowly warming up to me by taking the umbrella and accepting my lunch. One key trait was missing from this equation, however.

Still, my mind still lingered at the idea it was a giant coincidence, or just unintentional. Natsuki didn't like me. She thinks I'm a creep, or just trying to play nice to get with her. Are these thoughts the result of of my fear and anxiety once again taking root? Manipulating my ability to think clearly? There was still a good chance she had no interest in me in that way, and just thinks of us as friends. Once again, I tried to

"-give us an example, Mr. Odaka?" I heard Dr. Kido say.

I froze, looking up at mention of my name. My mouth turned to sand.

"Could you repeat the question, sir?" I said with a mismanaged air of confidence.

A few laughs. Dr. Kido squinted through his wireframe glasses. "What is one concept that could be applied to the data?"

I quickly glanced down at my notes. I felt an itching heat rush up and down my body (the kind I always get when I'm put on the spot like this, even if I was supposed to be paying attention). My brain began to lock up. I could feel about a dozen eyes focused on me, watching my every moment, waiting for a response.

My mind spurred. I flipped back a page into my notes. "Uh...has sensory perception been mentioned yet? It could be applied by saying how disabilities affect our ability to perceive our reality." I looked up with a hint of uncertainty. That was a good enough answer, right?

The class nodded in general agreement. Dr. Kido smiled. "Yes, I was hoping you'd bring that up.", He turned back to face the board, now tracing back into our previous lesson about animals perceiving the world differently from others and yaddayaddayadda.

I wiped a trace of sweat from my forehead. That could have ended very badly. Gotta remember to keep an ear out. I dipped back into my thoughts.

The question is, how do I act from here? Do I start actually flirting with her? Do I wait and see if she flirts with me first, at all? How the hell do you even flirt? I've never dated anyone before, and I have next to no experience when it comes to this sort of romantic stuff. That's assuming she has an interest at all, anyway. Maybe I should just slowly start to drop hints and see if anything happens…

The bell rang. I swooped up my papers and shoved them in my bag. Just two more periods, then the Literature Club. Blow through sharing poems, then spend the rest of the hour reading with Natsuki.

I took in a lungful of air and slowly sighed.

'Just relax. Everything will be fine.' I told myself with a shaky uneasiness. I ran my fingers through my hair.

I exited the class.

…

The final period bell rang, and I hastily grabbed my things and stepped into the hallway, moving past the crowds of students. I stepped out into the foyer and took in the view. Low clouds hung over the skies, but sunlight still shined down. The air was unusually humid, and I didn't enjoy it at all. I adjusted my shirt collar and made my way to the fourth-years building.

I entered the building and walked up the stairs. Like usual after school hours, the halls were relatively free of students. I nodded to a passing teacher making her way down the stairs. Down the hallway, I could hear Sayori and Monika chatting indistinctly, though I couldn't quite make out what they were saying.

I slowly crept up to the door, and leaned out to where they couldn't see me (on first glance). I could see papers strewn across the teachers desk, with Monika standing behind it, the chair pushed back to the wall. She was thumbing through a manilla folder, her bag hanging half-open on the chair. Natsuki was sitting at the closest desk to the teachers, nose-deep in Parfait Girls (looked like the next volume I was supposed to read).

Sayori was sitting on top of the desk, facing away from the club president, kicking her feet ever-so slightly like a child in a grocery store cart. On her face, I saw the same distant, expressionless stare I saw a day ago.

I felt a chill.

"It's sort of complicated, having to differentiate between one variable and the next, because the OS can get confused and isn't sure which program you want to initiate, but then you'd have to write out a separate line of code telling it what to do…" Monika was saying, her voice droning. Natsuki seemed indifferent to her rambling, while Sayori nodded absent-mindedly.

Was she trying to explain one of her classes to her? Judging from the lingo she was using, it sounded like a computer class or something. That would explain Sayori's relative indifference to her. What Monika was saying sounded really...complicated. And Sayori's constantly bouncing around from topic to topic.

I remember back in our primary school years our language instructor had assigned us to write a short essay (like two paragraphs) about our favorite thing to do at home. Sayori had just finished writing it (on eating snacks, usually mine)...only to toss it because she remembered she liked sleeping more. It's a tad difficult to keep her attention focused on one thing for longer than a class period.

If that's the case, then maybe...maybe that's all that face means. Just boredom. Disconnected, daydreaming. And I'm ultimately worrying for nothing. Once again, I let my mind take things too far and exaggerate reality. I need to learn to not let these things happen so easily.

I stepped into the classroom.

The three girls glanced up. Sayori shot me a big smile and hopped off the desk. She rushed towards me, arms open. She embraced me in a big hug. "Hehe, there you are! I was just about to call you to ask where you were."

I heard Natsuki chuckle a little, and I felt my face go red. I glanced at Monika, a mixture of accepting embarrassment and confusion. "Sayori, class barely ended. I couldn't have gotten here any quicker."

Monika cleared her throat, taking charge. "Ahah, it's good to see you again, Kazuma. I'm glad that you showed up, because there's a bit of an issue we have to discuss." My mind started to worry at first before I remembered what 'the issue' was about, thinking back to Sayori and Monika's previous conversation.

Sayori released me from her deathgrip hug and happily hopped back to her spot. I fixed my now-crooked blazer and dusted myself off. I slowly walked to the desk adjacent to Natsuki's and sat atop it, putting my bag down in the chair. I tried to put on a cool demeanor. "Sure, what's up?"

Monika smiled.

…

"I'm sure you know about the festival coming up, right? I don't need to go over it." Monika began, propping herself up against the teachers desk, pushing aside a few of her papers to make room.

I nodded. I mean, who in this school hasn't heard of the festival? Every year towards the end of the fall grading session, the administrators and school board throw a big celebration festival on the first two days of the last week before the December break, regardless of whether you passed or not. Food, drinks and lively traditional/modern music galore as students take the load off from their arduous studies during school hours.

A common feature at these festivals were lots of showcases for all of the various activities and clubs the school had to offer (and for university representatives as well, eager to get their name out there to the student body 'cream of the crop').

For clubs and groups (like the debate club, for example), it's a good way to advertise to more students for the next year rather than just bulletin board flyers and the morning announcements, so obviously Club President Monika would be trying her hardest to make the Literature Clubs exhibition the best it can be.

She continued, "I know that you've only just joined, but with what Sayori and I have planned for this event, we really need all hands on deck, including yours. Natsuki and Yuri already have their plans together, as well as myself and Sayori, but you're the only one left out."

"Speaking of Yuri…", I half-glanced around the room. "Where is she? Is she alright?"

Monika gave an affirmative wave. "Oh, she said she wasn't going to be here, doctor's appointment, but she'll be here in time to start work tomorrow. She told me on the group chat…" She paused. "Which you haven't been added to yet, shit." She pointed at me. "Remind me to add you to that after class." I nodded.

Group chat, huh? That'll be interesting.

She gestured to herself. "Myself and Yuri are going to be working together on creating decorations to spruce up our little area, getting the right theme in place and all that." She gestured to Natsuki, half-peeking at her Parfait Girls volume. "Natsuki is going to be baking snacks and treats to offer passerbys/potential members, as a way to lure them in and pique their interest."

"And Sayori is going to be in charge of the general schedule and order of our booth, running checklists and that sort of stuff. Making sure we do stuff on time and", she twirled her wrist, "well, you get the idea."

"Initially, I was going to have Sayori and Natsuki working together so things would be even, but since you joined that kinda threw things off balance, you being the odd man out." She paused. "Not that that's a bad thing. I'm happy you joined, but it just means I have to shake up the order a bit."

The realization slowly came to me as she talked.

"What I'm getting at is that you have to choose between Sayori or Natsuki with who you would like to work with. Tomorrow was just going to be a sort of 'research' day, like getting recipes in order and choosing a theme to work on, but I was hoping everyone would start actual work on Sunday, if that's alright with you."

I don't understand why, but I just felt my mind lock up. I wasn't prepared for this. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words fell out. That same itching heat I had in Dr. Kido's crept up my body again.

"Uh…" I started. An awkward pause. "Could you excuse me?" I sat up and rushed out the door, nearly tripping on my feet.

"Kazuma?" I heard Sayori call out, but I didn't turn around.

I hastily exited the class.

…

The bathroom was sleek and wide, the lights toned down slightly. Polished wood stalls, checkerboard tiled floors and a long mirror ran along the wall, free of scratches. A small bonsai tree sat in the corner, and a smell reminisce of peaches filled my nose.

I shoved the door open with my shoulder, the door clanging on the doorstopper. Since it was after school hours, the place was naturally deserted. I could head the soft gurgling of water rushing through the pipes in the walls. I paced around the sinks, loudly tapping my foot in agitation.

'This is a disaster.' I kept repeating in my head.

How the hell am I supposed to pick?

If I choose Sayori, I'm losing an entire day I could use to get to know Natsuki better and get closer to her. If I pick with Natsuki, I make Sayori feel unwanted and maybe even hurt her feelings. There's no way to actually 'win', here.

I turned on the tap from the sink, and a thin stream of cool water gushed out. I dove my hands under the stream and rubbed my face, the cool water dripping down my chin. I cupped my hands and took a sip; filtered and pure. I glanced up in the mirror and noticed how disheveled my hair had became. I quickly combed it back into shape with my damp fingers.

I ripped a few paper towels from a dispenser and padded my face dry.

C'mon. Your freaking out over literally nothing. All you have to do is pick between them. Just go with Natsuki, and try to figure out what's going on with Sayori later. Maybe try and go talk to her on Saturday? That sounds like a good idea, at least.

I tossed the paper towels in the wastebin and took another look in the mirror. I straightened up my pose and tried to look confident, relaxed. I freaked out over nothing and ended up embarrassing myself. Christ, I really need to-

I heard a knock at the door. "Kazuma? Are you in there?" I heard a muffled voice call. Monika.

I gently open the door.

Monika stood outside. "Kazuma, is everything alright? You seemed upset." Monika said, a shadow of worry cast on her face. I shook my head. "Oh, everything's fine. Just...constipated." I said with an awkward laugh. Jesus, did I really just say that?

Monika shifted on her feet. "Oh, I see." A pause. "Do you need more time or…" she seemed to back off a bit.

I hastily shook my head no. "Oh, I'm fine now, thank you. No worries." I smiled, trying to push the awkwardness of the situation away. "Great! Shall we go back?" She said, smile returning. I nodded enthusiastically. She turned on her heel and started walking back to the class, myself warily following.

When we returned, Sayori and Natsuki were busy talking to each other, though I couldn't hear what they were saying. Sayori glanced up and gave me a worried expression. "Are you okay, 'zuma?" she said. She hopped off her spot, but I put up a defensive hand. "I'm fine, just had to use the restroom." I said. Reclusively, she sat back down. I immediately felt bad. I wasn't trying to be rude...

"Yes, well, where were we now?" Monika said, sitting down in the teachers chair. "Kazuma, do you know who you'd want to work with this weekend?"

I glanced at Natsuki. She blushed, and looked back down at her Parfait Girls volume, the book shut with the cover facing up. I glanced at Sayori, looking down at her white shoes gently tapping against the desk. She looked up and gives me a genuine smile.

I feel myself start to lock up again.

'Fucking hell, say something.' My mind barks.

"Well…" I adjusted my collar, gears turning. "I always wanted to give baking a try. "That is, if your okay with that, Natsuki." Natsuki perks up, a smile breaking across her face. She just nods. "Yeah, it's whatever...you can help get me the supplies I need." Sayori looked indifferent, a smile persisting on her face. What was she thinking?

"Alright! That settles that, then." Monika swiftly pulls out her phones stylus and starts to scribble down notes.

I coughed. "Uh, sorry Sayori." I sheepishly say. "I just-"

She cuts me off, almost abruptly. "It's fine, Kazuma! Don't worry, my jobs really boring anyway. I wouldn't want to make you unhappy, ahehe." She smiled.

I returned the smile, but my mind sticks to that last part. 'I wouldn't want to make you unhappy.' Even if Sayori's task was as exciting as watching paint dry, I'd have fun anyway because I'd be with her. She's my best friend. She...she knows that, right? Should I say something? Try to affirm that?

I pause.

No, she certainly knows that. That she doesn't bore me. She's always made me happy, and I've done the same. That should be enough.

Monika claps her hands together. "Alright! Even though we're one member short today, I'd still like everyone to share their poems. Then tomorrow Yuri will return and we can get working on our tasks."

She reached into her bag. "I'm especially proud of this one…"

...

Flowers

by Sayori Asoka

The petals drip down into a dark puddle

Splashes of color, swirling in my eyes

I collect them and hold them all close

Their sweet smell entrancing me

The smell fades

The petals dry out and crumble

I walk back to the floor

Only there is no more color

The flowers have died

Only the lingering smell of death remains

Pause.

"Kazuma?"

"Hm?" I say glancing up from her paper.

"What did you think?"

I pause. "It's very...well, it's not what I expected you to write. It's a tad dark, don't you think?"

"Yeah…" she drew circles on the desk with her finger. "I wanted to, well, try something different. Yuri's poem was sort of similar like this and I wanted to try and make my own version of that."

"Ah, well, it certainly got across a lot of emotions. It's very...weighty?"

"Hehe, thank you. You could say the same about your poem, Kazuma. It had a lot of emotions driving it, too."

"Haha, thanks."

I stood up. "Thanks for sharing."

Sayori just smiled.

…

Monika was sitting down at the teachers desk, tapping away at her small laptop. She had taken her blazer off (now resting on the chair), revealing her white dress shirt and orange sweater vest. Behind her on the whiteboard, I could see a couple of equations and assorted numbers scrawled with a green marker. I wonder what she was working on?

She glanced up and immediately shut her laptop. "Oh, hey! Sorry, I was just working on something for my coding class. That's what all", she gestured to the scrawlings "that is, haha."

I shared the laugh. "Hey, it's cool. Looks pretty complicated."

She sighed, and pushed her laptop aside. "It really is. Our instructor is making us write out our own little program as a final grade before break and it's driving me nuts! If I flop with this, it could ruin my grade."

"I see." I said, nodding. "Well, hopefully you can get that all figured out. Then again, what's someone like you have to worry about? I'm sure you'll create something better than anyone in your class could."

Monika looked up at me, those pretty emerald eyes shining. "Thank you, Kazuma. That means a lot. You sure do have a way to make a girl feel a certain way, huh?" She said with a laugh. I blushed.

"Anyways, poems." She said, handing her paper to me.

I took her poem. Monikas statement earlier was right; she should be proud of this one. It was, from what I gathered, a portrayal of a victim of the Hiroshima nuclear bombing in 1945. Staggering around a ruined city, blinded and dying. Knowing but also not knowing what happened to them and to their home. 70 years later and it's still a touchy subject, but Monika captured it's essence perfectly.

"Wow, that was...moving. I wasn't expecting something like this. You captured the emotions of that day very well."

"Thank you." Monika said silently. "I didn't really enjoy writing it, but I felt inspired by it after doing some research on the bombings for my history class. Just something I felt should be written, so I took that chance with this being our last poems to share."

An awkward silence.

She pointed to my paper. "Hopefully yours isn't as...depressing, ahah." she said with a brief laugh. I handed her my paper.

She quickly started reading it, her eyes going across each line.

After a while, she spoke up. "Do you mind if I say something about it?". I shrugged. "Sure. I'm open to criticism." She paused. "It's not a criticism, but...is this" she leaned in slightly, voice quieter "a love poem?"

I blushed again, and I could feel myself start to sweat. "Wh-what?" I laughed awkwardly. "What makes you s-say that?"

Monika smiled. "Don't worry, Kazuma. I won't spill your secret, but you did make it kinda obvious with your word usage. It's very cute, though. It's a clever way to admit how you feel to me."

I freeze. Huh?

Monika bursted out laughing, the ribbon in her hair bouncing slightly. "Ahahaha, I'm just kidding Kazuma!" she said, still laughing. I couldn't help but join in the laugh. I mean, what was I supposed to do?

"Well...thank you for that." I say, taking my paper back. Monika gave me a laughing smile, but it didn't help with putting me at ease. One thought troubled me.

If she doesn't think I wrote it for her, who does she think I wrote it for?

I turned around.

…

Practically hopping, I walked over to Natsuki's usual spot, tucked away in the back corner desk. She was once again nose deep in the Parfait Girls, her eyes intently reading the pages. Atop her desk was the manga boxset from the closet.

"Hey." I said, standing beside her desk.

She glanced up from her Parfait Girls volume. "H-hey." she replied. I pointed down at the desk in front of hers. "Mind if I sit here?"

She scoffed. "Well, of course not, dummy. What, were you just gonna stand there all day?" I chuckled, setting my bag down on the floor.

"Is that the next volume I'm supposed to read?" I said, pointing at the book in her hands. She looked up again. "Y-yeah, so? I was just rereading it."

I smiled. "Cool. I do that sometimes, especially when it's with good series. Better than just letting it sit and collect dust on my shelf."

Natsuki looked back up, gently putting the volume down. "Y-you have a collection?" She said, surprised.

"Yeah, complete editions. I have it tucked away above my desk. It's only a couple of my favorite series that I've read over the years, though it's probably not as big as your collection."

She glanced away. "Actually, Parfait Girls is the only physical collection I have."

"What? Why?" I asked. It's kind of surprising she doesn't actually own her series. Not that I'm making fun of her, but it's usually what people (well, my friends at least) do. Physical over digital.

She folds her arms. "Who cares? Mind your own business!" She said, annoyance lacing her voice.

"Alright, alright." I said, trying to put her back at ease.

A pause.

"Hey, also…" she paused, adjusting the Parfait Girls volume. "I need to give you my number so we can start planning for Sunday."

I nodded. "Sure, no problem." I quickly pulled out my phone and opened up my contacts. "What is it?" She slowly rattled off her number to me, waiting for me to finish inputting the digits. I added her and put my phone away.

"Don't make me regret it." She growled at me. I laughed. "Don't worry." I ran my finger along the edge of the desk. My mind wandered back to this morning and how I got to finish the Parfait Girls volume just barely before the first bell. I dug into my bag and carefully pulled out the volume, holding it up to her. "So anyway, since we've already shared poems, do you want to get back to Parfait Girls?"

Her eyes lit up. "Oh, yeah!" She said excitedly, but keeping her voice low. She swooped up the manga boxset and stood up from her desk. She made a motion with her head to follow her, walking towards an empty spot against the wall, next to the closed closet door.

She brushed off a spot on the ground and placed the boxset there. She sat down and patted a spot next to her, beckoning me to join her. I bent down on a knee and took a spot next to her. Running her fingers along the bindings of the volumes, she slipped the previous book back into it's holder and handed me hers. She grabbed the next volume and opened it up, immediately starting to read.

I looked up. Sayori was sitting in a chair under the window by the teachers desk, where Monika was facing the whiteboard, scribbling new equations onto the board.

I opened up my volume and began to read.

…

My heart pounded in my chest.

She was right there.

Natsuki's head was resting on my shoulder, body pushed up against mine. She sat with her legs stretched out, her blue skirt carefully tucked under her thighs. Sunlight gleamed through the windows, reflecting in her hair, giving her an almost angelic glow.

I thumbed to the next page, taking in the intricately-drawn art. Credit to whoever wrote this, the style is very cute. Almost reminds me of a cross between typical 1990's Sailor Moon styles and more chibi Pop Team Epic. Interesting blend that works really well.

I can smell her on me.

It was such a vibrant and dizzying scent. Like strawberries and what I imagine rainbows would smell like. Call me a creep, but it's about how I expected her to smell like. So pleasant.

I continued to read. At this part of the story, one of the girls has a crush on a boy who works at a sweets shop at a mall, and the other three girls are following her around on her date with the boy, and...

Without moving my head, I glanced over to Natsuki.

She had her own volume opened up on her lap, but she wasn't reading it. She was intently looking over at my own volume, unmoving.

I cleared my throat. "You okay, Natsuki?"

She seemed startled. She clutched the edge of her own volume. "Ye-yeah, what's up?" She said. She pushed back a strand of her pink hair behind her ear.

I nodded. "Nothing. Just seemed like you were more interested in my volume than your own."

She stammered. "Well, it's j-just...I-I mean...that's a good part, and I wanted to see your reaction. That's all. What's wrong with that?!"

I toned back my voice. "Hey, nothings wrong. I do the same thing when I'm introducing my friends to a new series. I'm curious as to how they react to some of my favorite parts." I nudged her on the shoulder. "Your fine."

She blushed, and turned away. "Th-thanks, Kazuma." I adjusted myself in my spot. "Don't mention it."

I looked up, and almost froze.

Through the rows and rows of desks, Sayori was silently watching me. Not like buggy-eyes or anything, but just silently watching me from her desk. An almost dead stare, unsmiling.

Out of instinct, I waved. She took a second before she waved back almost excitedly, smile spread across her face, before she looked down at her phone, now distracted.

Slowly, I returned to the manga.

'Alright, that was kinda weird. How long was she looking at me, I wonder? Probably not long, a couple seconds. I wonder what she thinks of me and Natsuki being so close together…is she threatened? There's no real reason to be.:

I shook these thoughts away.

Back to Parfait Girls. You can think about all that later.

...

15, 20, 30 minutes passed. I finished the volume fairly quickly and ended up discussing my thoughts with Natsuki afterward. It was nice, mostly because she was very passionate about the series and it's always fun to talk to people who have a deep love for their art. Very refreshing, sharp contrast from the usual faceless nobody wannabe fans I find on Internet comment sections.

I watched as the hands of the clock slowly reached 5'oclock. On cue, Monika's phone started buzzing an alarm, which she quickly grabbed to shut off. She stood up, her laptop bag and regular bag slung on her shoulders. "Well, that's the bell! Thanks for showing up today, everyone. Now, I want everyone to start thinking about what you want to work on tomorrow, because that's all were gonna be doing next meeting." Everyone nodded in acknowledgement and started to grab their things.

I stood up and dusted myself off. I stuck my hand out to Natsuki, who gingerly grabbed it and boosted herself up. Her cheeks went hot, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, Kazuma!" I heard Monika call from the back of the room. "I still need to add you to the group chat, remember?". I reached down to grab my bag and walked over to where Monika was at. Sayori was busy getting her purse together (apparently she made herself busy by cleaning it).

I pulled up my messaging app and handed Monika my unlocked phone, who quickly started tapping away. In a few beats she handed it back, and I felt my phone start to buzz from the new notifications.

Natsuki drifted away from me and met with Sayori, who was already waiting to leave by the door. They both turned and smiled at me. I walked up to them, bag slung over my shoulder. "Text me whenever you get home so we can start planning right away, okay?"

"Alright." I said, unbuttoning my blazer. The weather outside looked cooler than it did earlier, and I was hoping to enjoy a nice breeze or two. I folded my blazer over my arm.

"And start reading the next volume so we can get back into it faster. Then we could start reading more on Sunday." She blushed, stammered out. "T-that is, i-if you wanted to."

"Mhmm." I said, undoing my tie.

Sayori waited patiently for Natsuki to finish talking before speaking. "Kazuma, are you still gonna walk home with me?" She said. I couldn't help but detect a hint of... desperation in her voice. Did she think I was gonna ditch her for Natsuki? I wouldn't do that (well, if that opportunity came up I would let her know beforehand, but still).

"Well, yeah." I said. "You thought I was gonna ditch you?" Sayori blushed. "No-no! I was just double-checking, hehehe!" Natsuki gave a curious look to Sayori but said nothing.

Monika swiped her bag off the chair and dangled a pair of keys in her hand. "Ready to leave?" she said to us three. We all stepped outside and went our separate ways, Natsuki tagging with Monika and Sayori walking with me the opposite way down the hall.

"Bye guys!" Monika said to Sayori and I, turning to wave. We both turned and waved. Natsuki had her headphones already in and almost didn't notice, but she turned and waved goodbye at the last second. We locked eyes for a moment.

'Text me'. she mouthed at me.

…

The walk home was rather uneventful. The whole stroll back I tried to figure out how Sayori was feeling, but she still seemed her bright usual self, talking about her plans for the festival and how excited she was for the free food they were gonna serve. Eventually I gave up trying. I walked Sayori to her door, hugged her goodbye and made my way home.

By the time I got home, sunset was beginning to streak across the sky. I unlocked the door and, as expected, the lights were dimmed and something was brewing on the stovetop. I glanced down into the pot; looked like shabu-shabu, a nice water-based meat and vegetable dish. Hungrily I grabbed an empty bowl and ladeled some of the dish into the bowl. I snatched another Ramune soda (God, I love those things) and hurriedly took everything upstairs.

I pushed open the door with my foot and set my bag down at the foot of my bed. I sat down in my desk chair, gently placing my meal onto the desk. I propped up my legs and took a swig of my soda.

Digging into my pocket, I pulled out my phone and tapped to my music playlist.

As I watched the steam waft from my dinner dish, my mind wandered back to the Literature Club group chat. I was anxious to see if my name came up anywhere (and if so, in what context).

I opened up my messaging app and tapped to the chat, accurately named 'Literature club' with a flower and book emoji. I took a quick glance at the member list. Monika was listed as the admin, with Sayori as the moderator. Yuri and Natsuki were regular members.

Sayori's photo was a pan of glazed cinnamon buns (did Natsuki make them?), username happy-thoughts with a sun emoji. Yuri's photo was a stack of books, their binders showing off various titles (I noticed that The Portrait of Markov was among them), username yurikatagiri7.

Natsuki's picture was a chibi cat against a polka-dot background (in a similar style to the stickers on the club poster), username mangaislit. Monikas photo was a selfie of her doing a peace sign dressed in summer clothing posing outside what looked like Tokyo Tower, username lilmonix3.

I scrolled through the previous chat logs. The last messages were from this morning, with Yuri declaring she would be absent for the day, and acknowledgements from the rest of the club. Swiping up, the earliest messages seemed to date back as far as a few months. 'How long has everyone known each other?' I kept thinking to myself as I read through a few of them.

The chats were nothing of particular interest to anyone but the club (and my snooping self). It was mostly just general conversation about the club and weekend activities (Monika seems to he a very social person, going out socially with friends. Does she ever invite the club?), and a few memes here and there.

I kept swiping through the chat, searching for my name.

Eventually, I found it.

lilmonix3: So whos the guy you want to bring to the club?

happy-thoughts: just someone i know, :)

lilmonix3: Is it a boooy? ;)

mangaislit: Sayori, don't be a mood killer! boys are trouble

yurikatagiri7: It wouldn't be terrible if there was a new member, even if they were male. Literature should be open to everyone and anyone, Natsuki.

mangaislit: hmmph

happy-thoughts: Hehe

lilmonix3: So who is it?

happy-thoughts: Well...his names Kazuma and hes been my best friend since we were kids. He really means a lot to me and Ive been trying to convince him to go

lilmonix3: Aww, he sounds nice! I think I had a Kazuma in one of my classes...

happy-thoughts: Im gonna try to get him to go on Monday. can you make cupcakes Natsuki?

mangaislit: Only if you pay me! =_=

happy-thoughts: do you take hugs as payment?

I looked up. The smell of the shabu-shabu wafted in my nose, distracting me from my reading. I set my phone down and eagerly began to dig into my meal.

As I ate, I remembered I still had to text a certain someone.

Using my free hand, I picked my phone back up and began to type in Natsuki's number.


	7. Stormclouds

_kodaka17:_ oh come on. Mitsuki is so like you!

_mangaislit:_ no she isn't! Shut up!

_kodaka17_ : she has pink hair and wears a red cljp

_mangaislit:_ okayyy

_kodaka17_ : and she loves to bake and read manga

_mangaislit:_ yeah but

_kodaka17_ : aaaand shes the shortest girl in the club!

A pause.

_mangaislit:_ I am NOT short!

I had been texting Natsuki for most of the night, and I had to admit, it's turned out better than I had expected it to go (as in it was gonna be a brief, one-and-done, tsundere-style conversation). We went over what we were gonna be doing (researching what recipes we wanted to use and how to style them) and made plans for her to come over this Sunday (she seemed insistent that we do all the work at my house, which was sort of unusual but I didn't complain. I mean, wouldn't she  _not_ want to go over to a boy's house? I'm sure she's heard how  _those_ kinds of manga plots go, not that I would dare try anything of the sort.) After figuring out all the details of who would pay for what (myself eating most of the wages and being given the task of gathering most of the supplies), we broke out into a general chat about our anime series and our favorite mangas. At the moment we were waist-deep in our original conversation at the club about the Parfait Girls (where I slowly couldn't help notice the similarities between their culinary club and our literature club).

_kodaka17_ : I'm just saying, there's so many similarities it's kind of creepy

_mangaislit:_ Ever heard of a coincidence, dummy? (-＿- )

_kodaka17_ : that's kind of a lot of coincidences haha

I watched her typing icon flicker for a few moments.

_mangaislit:_ um hang on, okay?

I paused.

_kodaka17_ : sure, no problem

I put my phone down for a moment to stretch out, sighing in pleasure as I felt my spine relax and pop. I glanced outside and barely noticed that the sun has mostly set, the streetlamps outside starting to glare brightly. Christ, had I  _really_ not moved since I sat down? I spotted the half-empty Ramune bottle and noticed how dry my mouth was. I quickly snatched up the bottle and downed the contents.

Minutes passed, and not a single new message from Natsuki. I scrolled through our chat log and kept refreshing it, waiting for a new message to pop up. Nothing. ' _I wonder what's keeping her?'_  I couldn't help but think.

I glanced at the bowl on my desk, the drippings of soup from the dish now drying up. ' _Might as well take care of that._ ' I thought as I got up, scooping up the dish and empty Ramune bottle. I walked downstairs and set the bowl in the sink, turning on the tap to wash it out. As I washed, my mind drifted to my plans for Sunday, how early I'd have to get up and fetch her supplies (she said she wanted to come over in the morning). Have to get a nice wardrobe out and tidy up around here in general. I should probably ask if Mom and Dad are gonna be home…

I finished up the dishes and dried my hands off. I chucked the bottle in the trash and retreated upstairs. I returned to my room and walked over to my nightstand, turning on the radio. I gently cranked the knob and switched it to a random station. J-Pop...political roundtables... weather reports...I think I'll settle for some American rock.

I plopped back down into my chair and looked at my phone again, feeling my heart sink when I saw there was still no new messages from her, but several new ones had built up in the Literature Club chat. I tapped the notification.

_lilmonix3:_ Okay, everyone! Hope you all know what you'll be doing tomorrow, because the next meet will be nothing but prepping for the festival. No poems, but make sure you have one to read for our presentation. Can't wait to see everyone! ❤️

_yurikatagiri7:_ Noted. Thank you for reminding us. :)

_happy-thoughts:_ thanks for the update Monni (^^)

_lilmonix3:_ How many times must I tell you not to call me that? :|

_happy-thoughts:_ awww, meany Monni! :`(

_lilmonix3:_ Natsuki and Kazuma, did you two read this?

I started to type.

_kodaka17_ : Yeah, thanks Monika. Me and Natsuki already figured out our plans. Looking forward to the festival :)

I swiped out of the chat and checked Natsuki's chat again. Last active 17 minutes ago.

Sighing, I clicked my phone off and tossed it onto my desk. I ran my fingers through my hair and slowly swiveled on my chair to face my room, noticing how slightly dirty it was. Dirty clothes slumped around, unorganized textbooks, and I still haven't emptied my waste bin. Certainly not the dirtiest room in the world, but it could use some tidying up.

I got up from my chair. Guess I'll start cleaning...

Soon a half hour passed. I felt myself grow worried. ' _She's probably eating dinner or something.'_ I told myself. Yeah, her parents called her down to eat. But still, she at least would have texted me by now, right? Or maybe she's taking a shower or something. Or am I being too obsessive over this? Maybe. It's certainly nothing to worry about, at least. I could always talk to her tomo-

My phone buzzed. I quickly picked it up and read the notification. ' _New message from Natsuki_!' Almost hopping with excitement, I quickly tapped the message.

_mangaislit:_ Sorry, my dad was calling me. Ill talk to you later. See you tmrrw. Find me at lunch. Dotn forget PG

And just like that, her profile clicked offline.

…

The rays of the morning sun peered in through my window, painful stakes digging through my eyelids into my eyeballs. I tossed on my bed, shielding my eyes from the light. Downstairs, the smell of breakfast wafted through my nose, the faint sounds of cooking oil sizzling and popping. My stomach rumbled, dreaming of eggs and bacon. My hands grasped out to my nightstand and picked up my phone, placing my finger on the back to unlock it. The first thing I saw was the row of dismissed alarms, one after another. My mind slowly started to spur.

What the hell? What time is…

9:22am.

I shot up in my bed, panicking. ' _Shit, I overslept!'_ Class started well over an hour ago! Do Mom and Dad even know I'm here? They must think I already left, busy getting ready for their day. I threw my bedspread aside and shot up, rushing for the door. I listened in downstairs. A TV played, a male voice speaking in careful Japanese. I could hear faint, light music playing. And my Mom and Dad talking, but I couldn't make out their words.

So they're here. Shit. Ah, whatever. They'll know I'm here once I head downstairs. Maybe Dad can even give me a ride to school? I turned to my drawer and started pulling out a clean uniform, having just fallen asleep in yesterday's attire. I quickly buttoned up my blazer and went to the bathroom, combing my hair back into a respectable shape. I took a moment to check the rest of my notifications. I started quickly reading them and swiping away.

I stopped.

_happy-thoughts:_ hey! Are we still walking together today? Getting time to go..

_(2) missed calls from Sayori ️_

_happy-thoughts:_ oh well, your probably still asleep hehe ^_^

_happy-thoughts:_ hope you come to the club today! ❤️

I felt my head start to swirl. I completely left Sayori hanging this morning. Fucking hell! Why did I stay up so late trying to finish Parfait Girls? Even if it was a good volume (which it kinda was), now Sayori probably thinks I'm ignoring her or something. I moan to myself, opening up her chat. I quickly hack out a message.

_kodaka17_ : Hey, im really sorry I didn't wake up to walk today. Hope you weren't waiting too long. Can I make it up to you with cookies?

I pushed send and shoved my phone in my pocket. Gotta remember to wrap up a few cookies from the fridge from her now. I slung my bag over my shoulder and left my room, quietly shutting the door behind me. I slowly crept down the stairs, partially cloaked in darkness.

I walked downstairs. Rays of sunlight streamed in through the large wall-to-wall windows, glowing on the wood floors and furniture. On the table I could see my fathers laptop and suitcase, and my mother's various folders spread out.

¨Kazuma? Your still here?" My Dad said, surprised. Dad was a lean and polished man, and a little nerdy in appearance, with solid black glasses and neatly combed hair. He was dressed in his usual formal attire, black suit blazer with a stark white dress shirt, fat blue tie and gray dress pants.

"He's here?" I heard a soft female voice say. Mom. "Ooh, let me set him a plate."

I coughed. "I, uh, overslept, sorry. I was heading out right now." I moved to the door.

My mom emerged from the kitchen, a steaming plate in hand. "Nonsense! Eat. Can't have my son heading off for his studies on an empty stomach, can I?" My mom was a fairly short woman (about as tall as Sayori, I'd say), with a soft face and dazzling complexion. She had her black hair tied up in a small bun, a lightly greased-stained dull yellow apron wrapped around her. She was wearing a thin pink sweater beneath it, not yet changed into her formal arrite yet.

She held the plate and a tall glass of orange juice out to me, a smile on her face. I thankfully took the plate and drink and kissed her on the cheek. " _Oishi-sō. Arigato_." I set it down on the table in the seat to the left of my father, his attention returned to the television. I set my bag next to my chair, resigned. ' _Well, I'm late anyway and the school stopped serving breakfast by now. Might as well eat.'_ I thought to myself as I sat down.

I suddenly remembered about the cookies. I got up from my chair. "What's wrong?" My mom asked, hovering by the kitchen, undoing her apron to hang it up.

I stepped into the small area of the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Nothing, mom. Just getting a little treat for someone." I plucked out a few chocolate chip cookies from a tray. I looked around, searching for a chilled coffee drink for myself.

"Ah, whos it for?"

I opened up a drawer and pull out a thin box of plastic wrap, tearing off a sheet. "Oh, just Sayori."

"Awww, how sweet of you. How is she these days? You never talk about her as much anymore. How is her mother?" Mom asked, putting the dirty pan in the sink and turning on the tap. "I'd love to invite her over for tea like we used to."

I paused, carefully thinking of my answer. "Well, I'm not sure about her mother, but Sayori's been good. She's been walking with me to and from school these past few weeks. She made me join one of her clubs at school, and it's been a lot of fun."

"Really?" Mom said, a little surprised. "You didn't tell us you were in a club now. What club is it?"

"A literature club."

Dad glanced away from the TV. "A literature club, huh? How interesting! You know, your old man was the president of his schools literature club. I wrote a short story that ended up going to the final level of this fancy literature contest in Kyoto, and I won an award the size of", he gestured with his fork to the TV, "that TV!" He paused to take a bite of his eggs. "Perhaps a bit impractically sized, but it earned me all the more bragging rights!" He pulled his closed laptop sitting on the table towards him. "Let me pull up the PDF I have…"

"Oh sweetie, spare him the story. You try showing off that story every chance you get." my Mom said, laughing.

"Aw, come on now, Miki. That story is something to be proud of! It brought one of the judges to tears when he read it! If our boys in a literature club, he could benefit from taking a few notes from a pro.", my Dad said with a grin. He turned back to his laptop, feverishly typing away.

I smiled, folding the wrapping up. I gently tucked it into my pocket.

Mom bent down to put the pan away, and focused on wiping down the sink. "So who's all in this club, Kazuma?"

"Oh, well…" I said, returning to my seat. "Just myself, Sayori and three other girls."

My father glanced up, looking at me over his glasses. "Your the only boy? I'm hoping you know your manners..." He said, giving me a stern look.

I felt myself go hot with embarrassment. "O-of course! They've been really nice, and I've already written a few poems as a starting assignment."

My dad nodded in approval. "That's good to hear. Good to see my boy flexing his creative muscle." He said with a smile. He returned down to his almost-finished plate.

I glanced up at the small flat-screen television hanging up on the wall, above a bookshelf. Prime Minister Shinzo Abe stood at a podium, microphones surrounding him, the news headline talking about a ceremony honoring the veteran members in his political cabinet. I watched the smaller news banner roll across the screen, detailing both Japan and world news.

My mind clicked back to Natsuki and I realized I technically haven't even asked if it was okay for someone to even come over at all. Not like there would be a major problem (Its not like I'm throwing a party or something), but still…

I coughed. "Um, since I have you both here, I need to ask you something."

Mom glanced up from the kitchen, behind the island counter. "What is it?" she said. Dad shut his laptop, showing his full attention.

I continued. "Well...our club is supposed to present in this big school festival thing next week, and everyone in the club is supposed to help with decorations and setting up our booth. I'm working with a girl who's supposed to bake snacks and stuff to offer to students, and I was wondering if…" I gripped my fork. "if it would be okay for her to come over on Sunday? If that's okay."

Dad adjusted his glasses. "What's the girls name?"

"Natsuki."

"Why can't she make the snacks at her house and you go over?"

I paused, not really having an answer. "She just said it would be easier, because I live a lot closer to the school than her and, um, her dad doesn't let boys over…" An uncomfortable silence followed.

Dad glanced up at Mom, who said nothing, only shrugged slightly.

"How long would she be over?" Mom asked.

"She wanted to come over in the morning and leave by, like, dinner-ish. We were gonna make a lot of stuff so it would take a while."

Mom took a seat at the far end of the table. "Well, this is rather convenient." I paused, expecting her next words to be a shutdown of my plans. "How so?" I said.

My Dad picked up his empty glass and plate, heading over to the kitchen. "Well, your mother and I got word today that we were supposed to drive to Chiba for work training for some new equipment they're supposed to be implementing, and we would be gone for the weekend plus another day or two. We were going to tell you after school that you'd be on your own for this weekend, but…" Dad shrugged. "Here we are."

I pulled up my mental map of Japan. Chiba, a port city, was about 15 miles or so from here. Same-ish distance from here to Tokyo. Maybe a thirty minute drive or so. I had never been, but I think Mom and Dad had been there a few times before for work-related stuff.

"So, yes, you can invite this girl over." my Mom said with a definitive air.

From the kitchen, my Dad added, "That is, on one condition."

I braced myself. ¨Yes?"

Dad returned to his spot, and looked me dead-serious in the eyes. ¨Can you promise to keep your hands to yourself? You know we can´t afford to raise your chi-¨

I feel my cheeks go red. ¨Dad!" I practically shouted. Dad and Mom started laughing. Despite myself, I awkwardly laughed as well. Dad flickered down to his smartwatch. "Oh, shoot. It's getting to be around ten." He looked at Mom. "I could drive him to school then come back and we'll head out."

Mom smiled. "Sure, that gives me time to change."

Dad stood up, pushing his chair in. "Ready to go?" He said to me. I glanced down at my plate and realized I hardly touched it. "Oh sure, just, uh…" I picked up my fork and shoveled a cut-up egg into my mouth, took a few bites from a piece of toast, and tore a chunk from a bacon. "Let me put this away." I said, mouth almost full. I picked up the plate and glass and headed to the kitchen.

Dad chuckled, grabbing his keys from the shelf. "Remember to chew, son." I quickly swallowed down the mishmash of food, took a big swig of juice and put it in the fridge. I walked back to the table and grabbed my bag. "Let's go."

Dad gave Mom a quick peck on her cheek and moved to the door. I hugged my Mom. "Hands to yourself, Kazuma." My mom whispered into my ear. "Mooom." I muttered, blushing. She laughed. "Have fun at school!" she said as I released the hug. She gave a light wave as she closed the door behind us, hearing it clack and lock.

We turned and started heading to the car.

…

"Well, here we are."

Dad pulled the car up by the gate, idling in a stretch of empty road along the sidewalk. I picked my bag up and pulled it over my shoulder. My dad was adjusting the radio back to his favorite station (a political fireside chat). "Remember what your mother said, Kazuma. Hands. To. Yourself."

I scoffed. "Dad, you know I'd never dream of doing anything forceful."

My Dad nodded. "I know, we raised you right. To always look out for others. Just...keep it in mind. And be courteous. Make her something to eat before she arrives, tidy up a bit around the house. Be a gentlemen."

I smiled. "Thanks, Dad." I stuck my hand out and he firmly shook it. "Have a good day. See you by Tuesday. Mom and I will text you." I nodded and opened the door up, stepping out onto the road. I shut it behind me and gave a parting wave, watching my dad pull out and start to drive off. I watched his car zoom by, and turned to walk to the gate.

I punched in the code to open the electronic gate (it locks once school starts to keep students in and keep undesirables out) and stood back as it a automatically opened. I started to walk up to the doors and heard it silently click back to lock.

I swung open the doors and walked through the lobby of the school, a three story, modern architecture area with exposed support columns and lots of floral decorations. I approached the main office and opened the door. A younger female student (looked like a first year) with a blue streak in her dark hair and a miffed expression on her face stared down at her phone. She glanced up at me and quickly returned to her device. I walked up to the main desk.

"Hello. I need an admission to class, please." I said politely to the receptionist, an older woman wearing a maroon office suit. She propped open her chunky black laptop and started to type.

"Name?"

"Kazuma Odaka."

"Student number?"

"0734"

"ID?"

I reached into my wallet and pulled out my school-issued identification card. She glanced down at it and handed it back, typing away.

"Reason for tardiness?"

"I woke up late."

She clicked her tongue. "You should consider an alarm."

I hugged through my nose. "I have one. It didn't go off."

She said nothing, still typing. Was she writing a book or something? How long does it take to-

A small, black device on her desk buzzed, a red light shining faintly. A thin piece of paper slowly printed out, the schools emblem adorning the top. She waited for it to fully print and ripped it free, handing it to me. I gently took the paper.

" _Arigato. Yoi ichi nichi o."_ I said, turning away. The receptionist said nothing, typing away again. I sighed and nodded to the girl, and returned to the lobby.

Naturally the hallways were deserted as class was already in session. I slowly walked past the closed doors, faintly hearing the conversations in each one. I listened to my shoes  _clack...clack...clack_  against the checkerboard linoleum hallway. My current period, Computer Science, was upstairs. I quickly made my way up the stairwell to the second floor, and walked to the class. I took a moment to check my phone a final time before hastily putting it in my bag. I took a deep breath, before knocking on the door.

A pause.

"You may enter." A male voice said.

I turned the knob and stepped into the class. A dozen student faces were looking up at me from their terminals, most returning to their computers when they recognized me. Just Kazuma.

Mr. Frink, my instructor, was an Eastern European man, 40 something, with thin brown hair and thick black glasses. He was standing at the front of the room, a textbook in hand. He turned to me and gave me a polite smile. "Ah, Mr. Odaka, how pleasant of you to finally join us." he said, voice laced with slight annoyance. Tardiness was always looked down upon and viewed as a disrespect to the teacher.

I gave a light bow. "My apologies, sir. My alarm failed to go off this morning." I pulled out the admission paper and handed it to him. He glanced at it and tucked it into his shirt pocket. "I'd consider getting a new one. Please take a seat. We were finishing up our review paper from last class. Due at the end of the period."

I nodded and quickly walked to my assigned booth near the corner of the class, offering a great window view of the town ahead. A sleek gray desktop computer sat, a wireless mouse and keyboard to match. I set my bag down and started powering it up. Beside me was Shinichi, one of my 'anime' friends. He was busy typing away at his terminal, with a billion different tabs open and white earbuds on. He glanced over to me and leaned over.

"Nice of you to show up, Kazuma." He said, keeping his voice to a near-whsiper.

"Stuff it, Ozaki. I woke up late." I said, pulling out my binder from my bag.

"Too busy reading those erotic mangas, huh?" He snickered.

The login window popped up. I quickly typed in my credentials and logged in. Within a few seconds my home page popped up. I opened up my documents and clicked open my draft. I started to type.

"No. Unlike you, I was up talking to a girl."

"Ooooh, watch out everyone. We got a real charmer on our hands." He said, not looking away from his screen.

A pause.

"So, who's the girl huh? Anyone I know?"

"I don't think so. I met her at a club a week ago." I paused. "She's into manga."

"Cool. You should try bringing her to the anime club. We could use a little female company." He said, jokingly.

I laughed, keeping my voice quiet. "What, and have you try to swoop in and be a creep? Not on your-"

"Gentlemen." Mr. Frink said from the back of the room, his voice stern and cold. We both looked up. He made a gesture. "Work."

We both nodded. "Apologies, sir." Shinichi said, cutting me off. "I was just refamiliarizing Kazuma on what we're doing." Mr. Frink sat down at his desk.

"He shouldn't need 'refamiliarizing'. He should be working." He started to type away at his personal computer, ending the conversation.

Shinichi looked at me. I shrugged. "Whatever." he said, returning back to his work.

I continued to type.

…

The second period bell rang, and I quickly picked up the rest of my papers and shoved them into my bag. I quickly logged off my terminal and slung my bag over my shoulder, nodded to Mr. Frink and headed out. Students are already shuffling out their classrooms, moving against and with each other to get to their class. I took a moment to glance down at my phone, greeted to a few notifications (including a message from Natsuki, which made my heart skip a beat).

I went back to my chat logs…Sayori still hasn't opened my message yet. I felt myself grow worried. ' _She probably just has it turned off or something, and I'll still see her at the…'_

Through the heads of students, I could see a familiar swirl of coral pink hair, with a vibrant red bow atop it all. Sayori!

"Hey! Sayori!" I call out to her, ignoring the looks of students nearby.

I see her head turn, but quickly turn back. She moves away.

_Is she...is she avoiding me? Maybe she just doesn't…_

" _Sayori!"_ I called out, a little louder.

This time, she turns around fully. We lock eyes. I see a trace of...fear in her eyes, before warping to happiness. She waves and beckons me over. I smile and start to move through the students. She moves aside near a water fountain, separate from the rush of students. I rush to join her. She's sort of looking around, not really meeting her eyes to me.

"Hey, sorry about this morning. Did you get my text?" I said, reaching my hand into my pocket with the cookies.

"Oh, ahhh…" she seemed to trail off. "My, um, phone is dead. It unplugged in the middle of the night."

' _That...doesn't quite make sense.'_ I think to myself. If her phone was dead, how did she call me in the morning? Maybe she charged it for a little bit?

"Ah, it doesn't matter." I pull out the wrapped cookies, and hand it to her. "I got you something as a makeup gift, heh. These were your favorite kind as a kid, remember? With white chocolate chips."

She looked up at me. Her cheeks and eyes were slightly puffy red, with a hint of concealer dashed around. It wasn't quite working, and it seems like a generously amount was used to try and conceal it.

_What happened?_

"S-Sayori, are you okay? Your eyes are…"

"Oh." She blushes, a hot wave of embarrassment washing over her. "I think I'm sick or something. I'm not sure if I'll make it to the club meet, I might go home early. I'll put it in the group chat." She gingerly takes the cookies and slips them into her blazer pocket. "Thank you, 'zuma. Your always looking out for me."

She gives me a hug and starts to walk away, but I put a hand on her shoulder. "Sayori, were you crying? What's wrong?"

She almost shakes me off. I feel my heart shatter.

"No-no, I'm fine. I'm just...sick. I...I gotta get to class. I'll talk to you later." She moves away, almost hastily walking down the hallway. In a few seconds, she turns the corner and disappears.

Leaving me standing in the middle of an near-empty hallway, my mind spinning with worry.

…

"I just don't know what to think at this point."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"No, not really. But I've been worried about her."

Natsuki and I were sitting at the same spot we had lunch at yesterday, overlooking the main foyer. The rays of sunlight shined down on our table, reflecting in her short pink hair. It gave her an angelic quality, and she looked beautiful.

She took a bite from her sandwich. I took a moment to drink some of my butajiru stew. "Has she said anything to you?"

"No, not really. You?"

She shook her head, sipping her iced glass of water.

"Should we bring it up to Monika? She is the club president, and she's always told us to go to her if there's any problems."

I paused, swirling my stew around with my spoon. "I don't know, because I'm not sure if there's even a problem at all. It could just be my head messing with me or something." I took another bite.

Natsuki looked down at her half-eaten sandwich, a thoughtful look on her face. "Well...maybe you should try talking to her first and getting a better sense of her head. You two were best friends, right?"

I paused. "We're?"

She shook her head. "Sorry, 'are'."

"Well, yeah. Friends since we were, like, 7. We grew up a block away from each other."

"Okay, so y'all would have hung out and stuff right? Gone to each other's houses?"

"Yes…"

"So try seeing if you can go over today or tomorrow. Hang out, y'know. Do stuff." Her cheeks showed a trace of blush. "Try to ask her questions about what's going on with her life, and see how she feels. And if it doesn't work, just flat out say what you think is going on."

I looked up at Natsuki. "That's a great idea. I'll text her after lunch. Thank you for suggesting that."

Natsuki smiled, enjoying the compliment.

I tried to switch gears. "Hey, also my parents said it was okay for you to come over for Sunday. I'll send you my address later."

She smiled. "Cool. And did you read Parfait Girls?"

I pulled up my bag and set it next to me. I unzipped it and pulled out the volume, damage-free. "Yes. I spent all night reading it, actually. I ended up waking up late this morning."

Natsuki laughed. "You dummy! Dont be like me and just do nothing but read all night. You could've just read it in the morning, you know."

I shrugged, putting it back into my bag. "I know, but I wanted to finish it." I took a sip of my Ramune soda, poured into a glass. "I have to admit, I thought it was gonna be kinda boring, but it's actually  _really_ interesting. I can't wait to keep reading with you." I paused. "Thank you."

Natsuki blushed. "H-hey, don't make me feel weird about it. It's...b-been fun reading it with you. Everytime I show it to people, they always just brush it off and never give it a chance. So, thanks yourself."

The lunch bell rang and the cafeteria became alive with activity. I stood up and took out two trays and dumped them, then walked Natsuki downstairs. I said my goodbyes to her and watched her walk away. I stepped outside the cafeteria and pulled my phone, and noticed there were a few text messages. It was from the Literature Club chat, from a few minutes ago. Not sure why I didn't feel my phone go off...

_happy-thoughts:_ hey Im reaaally sorry but I won't be able to make it to the club today. Im feeling sick and I've asked to be sent home. still gonna try do my part for the festival ❤️

_lilmonix3:_ Hey don't stress yourself! If you can't make stuff just don't worry, we'll work around it. Thank you for telling us. Hope you feel better soon! ? ﾟﾘﾊ

_yurikatagiri7:_ How unfortunate. I hope you start to feel better soon, Sayori. :)

So she's already going home. On a normal basis, I won't be seeing her till the day of the festival, three days from now. If this is something seriously, I can't hesitate to wait. I was gonna be home alone anyway, so not like I need to ask permission from Mom and Dad to stay late somewhere...

I pulled up her chat and started to type.

_kodaka17_ : Hey, is it okay if I go over to your house after school? Maybe we could watch a movie like old times?

Her response was near-immediate.

_happy-thoughts:_ I'd like that. I'll make snacks hehe (^^) see you then

I smiled, and shoved my phone into my pocket. I was going to get to the bottom of this, and make things right.

I started my walk to my next class.


	8. Happy Thoughts

The sun glistened through the branches in criss-cross patterns on the dew-dripped grass. A cool breeze blew in my face, green leaves swirling around me. I stopped for a moment, taking in the peaceful setting.

The park was pretty big for our small town, a few acres or something. Green-and-yellow waste bins and polished wood benches dotted along the crackless sidewalks, people young and old merrily strolling along it. I could hear the sounds of people laughing, dogs barking and just up ahead, the soft gurgling of a stream, muffled through the tree trunks.

Sayori, my best friend, wearing a frilly yellow summer dress and a small red flower band in her hair, tugged at my sleeve. "Come on, 'zuma! This wayyy!" she said, her bright voice almost pleading. She had a polka-dotted backpack hoisted on her shoulders, packed to the brim with various food and stuff we planned out together. I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay." I replied, trying not to trip over my own feet. Sayori gave me a wide smile, and started to pick up her pace, myself bumbling along.

In a few moments, she stopped. She seemed to glance around, uncertain of where she was. For a moment, I thought I had to call Mom for help to get us out of here. She parted away a branch and motioned for me to walk ahead.

I gasped. "Oh  _wow_."

The clearing was small, but the perfect size for a picnic mat. The sunlight shone down on one huge ray on a perfect match of grass, not too close to the river to where we might fall in but just close enough to where we could smell the rich, sweet water gushing. It was majestic.

Sayori said nothing, set her bag down on the grass. She zipped it open and pulled out a neatly-folded pink blanket, that went  _fwoop!_  as she set it down. She took a few rocks and put them on the corners.

I kneeled down next to her, pulling out our meals.

In a few minutes, we had everything laid out before us; drinks, food, cookies, napkins, and a few books to read together. We ate first, in relative silence, both of us enjoying the sun and the breezes. It had to be one of the best days of the spring.

"Kazuma?" Sayori said, looking at me. I glanced up from my book, leaning up against a boulder. It was sort of rare for her to use my full name, so this was a bit if a surprise.

"Yeah?" I said, taking a sip from my soda bottle.

"Um…" she said, trailing off.

…

I blinked.

I was back in the present, standing outside the front door of Sayori's house. In my hand I was gripping a plastic bag filled with some candies and chocolates, plus a bottle of juice.

I looked around, trying to regain my bearings.

That memory was almost 10 years old.

_Where did the time go? What happened?_

We still loved to hang out after that, always bugging out parents to let us go to each other's houses and to order us a pizza and rent us a cool movie to watch. Snuggled up under the cover of a dozen or more blankets in mine (or her) room. Propped up against the wall on our bed with all our snacks and goodies spread out before us, the window blinds drawn and the lights off, only the glare of the television lighting the room.

For those serene years, I didn't have a real care in the world. I had my basic schoolwork, I had my chores, and I had the basic struggles of childhood (like there not being enough milk for a bowl of cereal). But back then, I always thought Sayori would be there with me through it all, through our high school years and beyond. Things would never change.

Things  _did_  change, after a while. When we started our first year of high school, Sayori started waking up later and later in the mornings. I'd wait outside her house for a couple of minutes, she'd text me something like " _ill be down in a few minutes!_ ", which would turn into ten minutes, and then she'd text " _you can go on ahead, im in the shower!_ " or something like that.

Once, I went a whole week without seeing her in the mornings. I'd usually walk with her back home from school, and try questioning her on why she was so late. She'd just...blow it off. Or make a joke of it.

After a while, I stopped waiting for her. I had to get to school.

Prior to her starting to walk with me to school again, we last texted maybe three weeks ago, and saw each other in the hallway a week before. When I saw her, she seemed as normal as a student could be. She smiled, said hi and kept on with her business. A part of me felt...wounded. I was glad she was doing okay (that was the jist I got, at least), but a part of me wanted to keep talking to her. To re-spark that 'flame' we had, to just start going out together and eating together and back to being the best of friends.

Despite my initial pushback, I was secretly happy that Sayori made me join the Literature Club. I was talking to her more on a daily than I had in the past month. And now, we were going to hang out again, like old times, like we used to.

But still, I felt as if something lingered.

Something...warped.

I knocked on the door. I waited a few moments. In the peephole, I could see a fragment of light show before being sealed back up (the cover opening), before I heard a jangle of locks open up. The door opened.

There she was. Wearing a light pink shirt, jean shorts and her long white uniform socks. Coral pink hair slightly ruffled, her signature red bow tilted to the side. Sayori.

She gave me a light smile. "H-hi." she squeaked out.

I returned the smile. "Hey." I lifted my bag up. "I brought a little something. Just some chocolates and a drink. It's all I had in the fridge that I knew you'd like."

Sayori blushed. "Ahehe, you know me too well, 'zuma.."

We stood in silence for a moment. A car buzzed by.

"May I come in?"

…

Sayori's house was, more or less, about the same as it was when we were kids. The living room was generously furnished, with two comfortable sofas and a reclining chair, bookcases lined with magazines and books along the walls. A massive, boxy television (looked imported) sat, several game consoles resting on top (for decoration or use, I wasn't sure). The kitchen was narrow, and very cluttered, with lots of old and new stains from cooking splattering the counters (how fun it was to bake stuff with her when we were children). Out towards the ground balcony, I could see a forest of green with splashes of red, yellow and blue plants.

I removed my shoes and set them on the mat by the door, She lingered by the staircase, waiting for me. Upstairs, I could hear a video playing.

"My, uh, parents left earlier to go out to eat, so we have the whole house to ourselves." She said with a slight smile. I followed her upstairs.

Sayori had already made a spread of blankets at the foot of her bed, bordered by her tall clothes closet. Most of the pillows and blankets are stripped from her bed and arranged onto the spread, pushed up against the closet. Sitting on her desk was a box of pizza, the cover opened and a slice missing.

"You already ordered food?", I said, putting down my bag next to the pizza. "You should've waited for me to get here, you know. I would have gladly paid for it."

She nods. "Ah, well...it's a little late for that now, huh? Aheheh."

I glanced up at the wide television set up against the wall on a short, long table. I recognized the DVD menu as  _Godzilla Resurgence,_ the latest entry in the series written by the famed Hideaki Anno, famous for creating the  _Neon Genesis: Evangelion_ series (a series I always slacked on sitting down and watching, despite the insistence of my friends as being 'god-tier'). The menu showed Godzilla, looking more sinister as he's ever been, against a blood-red backdrop. The classical 1954 theme played softly.

"Oooh, Godzilla huh? I haven't seen this one yet." I said, taking a spot down on her spread, leaving enough room for her to get cozy. She nods again. "Yeah, my parents got it for me. I hadn't opened it yet and thought, 'well, now's a better time than ever to watch it!' I heard it's really good."

Sayori joined me on the spread, folding the fuzzy blankets over her. She grabbed the juice bottle I had brought and snatched a cup, pouring herself a drink. She quickly capped it back up and took a sip. She smiled. "My favorite. Thank you, 'zuma."

I returned the smile. "I never forget. Ready?" I said, holding up the remote. She nodded.

I pressed 'play'.

…

The movie started. It was a pretty interesting movie, dripping with lots of political analogies and stuff like that. Certainly not what I was expecting when I hear the term ' _monster movie',_ but a great film nonetheless.

As I watched the movie, I snuck glances over at Sayori, usually busy watching the movie or stuffing her face with some of the snacks spread out. In my head, Natsuki's words echoed. " _Try to ask her questions about what's going on with her life, and see how she feels. And if it doesn't work, just flat out say what you think is going on._ "

Some time passed. The movie seemed to pick up a bit in tone, slowly introducing the main characters, with the first iteration of Hideaki Anno's Godzilla being revealed. I felt slight chills as I noticed how close it was in tone to the reaction of the Fukishima nuclear plant disaster, all those years back. How panicked my parents were when it happened, talking in hushed tones about it, talking about it at school with Sayori. Godzilla itself was an interesting take on the titular monster, but a solid and bold one (I liked it better than the one that came out in the United States a few years back).

I glanced up at Sayori. Through the darkness, I could see teardrops trickle down Sayori's cheek, glinting in the glow of the television.

I grabbed the remote and paused the movie. I looked at her. "Sayori, are you okay?"

She looked up at me, surprised. She gingerly touched the tears with her finger, and laughed weakly. "Oh, haha. It's just the movie. It's, um, really good…" she said, grabbing a piece of chocolate.

"Sayori, what's wrong?"

"Hm?" She said, still holding her chocolate piece.

I was looking at her directly. "I'm serious. I'm worried about you."

She paused. "Wh-what do you mean, 'zuma?"

I glanced away, sighing. "Sayori, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about you. I feel like something's going on that you aren't telling me. I say again, are you alright?"

She smiled weakly. "I...it's nothing. Really."

I shifted myself. "Sayori, I've known you since we could talk. You know you can tell me anything.  _Anything._ That's what best friends are for. Please, tell me what's been going on with you."

She looked away, hiding her eyes. "I...I can't."

"Sayori,  _please_." I said, almost pleading with her.

"Its..." she looks away, not wanting to look me directly.

I clutched her hand. "Sayori, whatever it is, whatever happened, nothing will change between us. I promise. You don't have to be afraid to tell me."

She was silent for a moment, tears building up in her eyes. She gently wiped them away with her finger. She laughs weakly. "That's what's wrong, 'zuma. Nothing happened to me...I've always been like this." She plays with the piece of chocolate in her hands, turning it over.

"What are you talking about?"

She's silent for a moment. "Kazuma...I've…", she painfully sucks in air through her teeth, as if she's just been cut by a dagger. "I've...had really bad depression for a while now. For at least five, ten years. Since we were kids. Since we were high schoolers. Since...now."

I'm speechless. "Sayori, I-"

She cuts me off. "Why do you think I was always late to school in the mornings? Why I always kept you waiting outside? Why I always looked for a reason to get out of you inviting me to go with you to places?" Tears rolled down her cheek.

"What's the point of even trying? What's the point of eating, of having friends, of going to school? What's the point of doing anything when you know how worthless you are?" Her voice cracks on that last sentence, tears tangling her voice. "Why punish you with having to put up with me all the time, to drag me along, to try and make me happy? It's pointless, and it does nothing."

I...I can't speak. My voice is locked in my throat, begging to be released. The TV clicks off, cloaking us in near-complete darkness. I get up and walk to the door, flicking on the light. I walk back to Sayori, and sit on the bed. I reach down and put my hand on her shoulder, and she looks up at me.

"Sit with me." I say. She slowly gets up and joins me.

I embrace her in a tight hug, arms wrapped around her. She squeaks in surprise, not sharing the hug. I can feel a teardrop drip onto my shoulder. "Kazuma...p-please…"

"Sayori." I say. I hold her closer. I can feel her warmth radiating on me, the smell of her hair conditioner wafting into my nose. I forced the tears in my eyes from escaping.

"Do you remember that time we went camping with our parents, maybe five years back? It was during the summer. We saved up our money for months and begged our parents every day to take us? We looked over that crappy brochure for months. Remember?"

She's silent for a moment. She sniffled. "Yeah."

"Do you remember when you wanted to go out exploring at night, after our parents fell asleep, even though I told you it was a bad idea, and we'd probably get lost?"

"Y-yeah…"

"And you ended up going off the trail and getting us lost, and our flashlight was about to die because you forgot to change the batteries, and you started crying, and I got scared because I thought you were gonna attract a bear or something?"

She laughed, despite herself. "Yeah...I thought you would be so mad."

"Do you remember what I said to you?"

She's silent again.

"I said, 'I'm always going to be here to help you, no matter what. It doesn't matter how big the problem or how big the foe, I was always going to be by your side, no matter what. And I would get you out of this.."

She sniffled again, wiped her nose with her sleeve. "Kazum-"

"Sayori, I can't possibly understand what it must be like to suffer through that. Having to deal with the thoughts that you are worthless, that nobody cares for you, that the world would be better off without you. I need you to know that  _those thoughts couldn't be farther from the truth."_

I continued. "Sayori. Your parents are here for you. Natsuki is here for you. Yuri is here for you. Monika is here for you.  _I'm here for you._ You don't have to fight this alone. You don't have to be scared. You don't have to keep this a secret."

I release the hug, and stared into her glassy blue eyes.

"You are not alone."

She stares at me for a moment, then her face turns into a frown. The tears stream down her cheeks, and she buries her face into my shirt. Ugly sobs emit from her, and I feel a wet spot growing on my shirt from her tears. I gently hold her against me, rubbing my hand down her hair, trying to soothe her.

I hold her for a few minutes. The entire world outside seemed to just fall apart. It was just me and Sayori, together, on that bed, in that room, separated from reality.

Eventually she looks back up at me. I try to dry her tears as best as I can with my sleeve.

"Sayori...I think we should tell the club about this."

At this, she shakes her head no. The tears threaten to come back.

"Kazuma, I can't."

"Sayori…"

" _Please, 'zuma._ At least not yet. I need time to be comfortable to tell them about all this."

"Sayori, they'll understand."

"I know, but, it was hard enough to even tell you the stuff you know now. I don't think I can handle having to deal with the three of them finding out, after I've kept it hidden from them as well for as long as I've known them. Just...wait till after the festival. Let everyone have fun for the night, then I'll tell them at the next club meeting. You can help me too, to tell them. Just not right now, please."

I'm silent, mulling over her words. It's ridiculous. How would they respond in any other way then sympathetic and supportive. Yuri, Natsuki and Monika wouldn't dare dream to view Sayori differently if she told them she had depression. They aren't those kinds of people.

But...I understand why Sayori wants to wait. It was hard enough for her to just tell me alone about all this, after keeping it hidden for so long. I can give her time, but I'll still remind her about it. And when the club does find out, I'll be there to help her.

"Okay...I understand. But I'm going to hold you to this. You aren't going to do this alone. I will be there for you.

She sniffles again, getting a napkin to blow her nose. She tosses it in a waste-bin. "I know... " She gets off the bed and sits down on the spread, getting cozy under the mass of blankets. She makes a motion for me to join her. I get up and go under with her. I grab the remote.

"Kazuma?"

"Yes?"

She gives me another hug. A long one. We sit there, embraced in each others arms. She slowly releases me.

"Thank you."

Snuggled up, I continued the movie.

…

We finished the movie an hour later, and after that mostly lazed around. Sayori and I laid out on the spread, talking and laughing and enjoying each other's company. Soon it got late, and I started to head out. I did most of the cleaning and tidied up her room a bit. She walked me down to the door, and I hugged her again, repeating my vow to always be by her side. Reluctantly, I left.

The walk home was one of the worst I've ever had. My gut felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, drudging me down. I tried to listen to music to distract myself, but it failed. I shoved my headphones back into my pocket and walked, leaving me with just my thoughts.

I slowly reached home. I unlocked the door and pushed it open, dropping my bag on the ground. The main lights were shut off, the TV unplugged. A single, dim light glowed in the kitchen, from the oven. I smelled something brewing in a pot, but I barely noticed it. The silence of the house was so deafening, I hardly made any noise as I walked in.

My mind swirled.

The full weight of this new revelation bore down on me. All at once.

Sayori.

_How could I have never noticed? It was so obvious. Her distant stares, her constant tardiness, her lack of self-upkeep, some of the comments she would make...she was fighting a vicious battle inside. Her whole persona was just a sham. Inside that bubbly, smiling, laughing girl was a broken, damaged person._

Sayori.

_I'm the worst fucking friend in the world. We spent our childhoods together, and I basically abandoned her right when it was getting worse. Left her to fight this evil on her own. How could I do this? I don't deserve Sayori. She needs a real_   _friend. Like Monika. Or Natsuki. Or Yuri. How could I be like this?_

Sayori.

_No...no. I...I can't be all at fault, c-can I? She kept it a secret from me. I mean, of course she would. She felt ashamed of it. But it's nothing to be ashamed of. Sure, I didn't pick up on the little hint, but she never told me or mentioned anything about it to me. How could I know what was wrong if she never told me?_

Sayori.

_I...I could have helped her. Back then. I could've done everything in my power to keep her happy. I would waited hours for her in the mornings if it meant she got ten minutes of happiness. I would do everything for her. She, of all the people I've ever met, deserves happiness._

**Sayori.**

_What am I saying? I can_   _help her. I'm going to help her. I know better now. She told me. I'm here. The Literature Club is here. We're all here. I can help her. WE_   _can help her. We can get through this, together. I have to be there for her. Now, more than ever._

I slowly walked into my room, dead silence filling my ears. I started to slowly unbutton my shirt, dropped it nonchalantly on the ground and sat down in my chair. I set my phone down and put my face in my hands, elbows resting on my desk.

I felt the first teardrop drip into my palms.


	9. The Smartest in the Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bit of lyrics in the intro are from the song The End of the World, specifically the cover by Sharon von Etten for the TV-drama "The Man in the High Castle", a world where the Axis Powers won the Second World War.
> 
> I apply the songs lyrics to Natsuki and Kazuma and their internal struggles, some of which have yet to be revealed. I leave you to apply your own meanings. I recommend listening to the song once before reading. Please enjoy!

" _I wake up in the morning and I wonder...why everythiiing's the saaaame as it wasss...I caaaant understaaaand, no I caaaan't understaaand, how liiife goes on the way it doooooes-"_

My eyes still squinted half-shut, I grasped out to the wall and yanked the radio plug out of its socket. I reached out for my phone, and flickered to the home screen. A few minutes past 11'am.

I groggily propped myself up on my bed, and took a moment to stretch. Streams of sunlight were dashed across the blue-black late morning sky, streaks of pink-orange coating the clouds. I rubbed away the rocks built up in my eyes, feeling the streams of dried tears on my cheeks. I tossed my wad of blankets off and stood up, walked over to the bathroom.

I had spent just about most of the night thinking over what Sayori had to revealed to me. I'm man enough to admit that I cried, the full shock and weight of her revelation bearing down on me like a pile of bricks. I sat motionless at my desk thinking over all our experiences together. How it all seemed so innocent and lax back then, now tainted with the fact Sayori was struggling inside and trying to keep herself happy so I wouldn't be displeased.

I sighed.  _'So I wouldn't be displeased_ '.

I finished up in the bathroom and stepped back into my room, stripping off my night wardrobe. I slipped into a pair of black sweatpants and a navy blue T-shirt with my school's logo adorning it (a four leaf clover with a yellow circular border). I put my phone on top of my drawer and stepped into the dimly-lit hallway.

Once I was done feeling sorry for myself, I started to think about life from here on out. How much should I hang out with her that doesn't feel forceful to her? When are we (or she) going to reveal her 'sickness' to the club? To her parents?  _Do_ her parents even know about any of this? Or is she keeping it a secret from them as well? I can understand not telling the club, but, like...those are her parents. It's different.

I walked down into the living room. I had kept the lights off and most of the electronics unplugged to conserve power (a habit I picked up from my father). I started to pace around and replug the ones I was going to use.

I know she had told me to not tell anyone in the club about this, but still...it doesn't feel like the best way to do things. I know for a fact they would be 100% supportive and understanding about this. They would be there to help her, and be just as concerned (if not more) about her than I am. But...I had to respect her wishes and do things at her own pace, however fast or slow that may be.

I walked into the kitchen and flicked on the light. I opened the fridge and reached for a box of pancake batter, setting it on the counter. I pulled out other stuff I'd need; syrup, strawberries, whip cream, maybe even a little chocolate shavings for an extra kick.

Should I call her today? Try to make plans again? Would she  _like_ that? Or would I be putting her through more unnecessary pain, trying to keep up her false happiness act? But...she doesn't  _have_  to anymore, right? I know now. I know she doesn't enjoy putting me through her mopiness (even though that's never been the case), or she tries to but she usually doesn't.

I dug out a pan from the pantry and turned the oven on. A circle of blue pilot lights bloomed. While it warmed up, I started making the pancake batter. I reached for a batter whisker.

I...I still can't believe all this. I mean, I  _believe_ it, but I...how could I have never known? What kind of a person am I? Of course in the light of retrospective it all seemed so obvious, but I...just feel so  _evil._ So twisted and vile. Is this right? Should I feel this way? Am I really her friend?

I poured a generous serving of pancake batter into the pan, which immediately began to bubble and pop from the heat. I stood there for a moment, listening to the batter begin to fry. The heat drifted across my face, brushing my eyes. I could hear the hum of the stove, the smell of sweet pancakes wafting into my nose.

O-of course I am, don't be stupid. I've  _always_ been her best friend, and she's always been mine. This is just...a hiccup. Yeah. All friendships and relationships have their hiccups, their bumps, their issues. And they always (well, more often than not) get resolved and the relationship is happier and stronger as a result. This is just a hiccup, that's all l. We will get past this together.

I reached up into the cupboard and pulled out a glass and plate. I poured myself a light glass of orange juice, and dug into another drawer for a pair of utensils.

' _Lets see what on.'_ I thought, taking a spot at the dining table. I snatched up the small, grey remote and turned on the power. The TV flickered, and a cartoon show (looked kinda dated) popped up. I started scrolling through channels.

You know, I love my parents to death. They're the best people I know. But, in a weird sort of way, it's oddly liberating for them to not be here, even if it's for a few days. It's a taste of freedom, the eventual freedom I get when I go to university and (likely) move into a dorm or apartment of my own. It's a brush against being independent, being your own person, being able to make your own decisions without having to double check first or ask for permission and stuff.

I kept flicking through channels. Weather reports, local news stations, some schlocky mid-day TV dramas, nature shows, more kid-level cartoons. Is there anything good to watch these days? I switched over to a national-level news station.

On the screen, footage of North Korean leader Kim-Jung Un, with his short, slick black hair and pudgy face galore, huddled with a group of what looked like his military advisors overseeing one of his army centers. On an opposite screen, a female Japanese UN ambassador with flowing brown hair and gorgeous emerald eyes was talking, the headlines discussing new sanctions placed on the little isolated hermit nation. I set the remote down and started to eat. ' _It'll have to do.'_

I tried to stay focused on the news report (considering the way things were going with Jung Un and the new US President, who wouldn't be just a  _little_ interested in these talks?), but my thoughts still rolled back to Sayori.

I glanced down at my plate of half-eaten pancakes, the syrup already soaking into them, making them a slightly doughy/slightly firm mush.  _Maybe I should go bring her some? No harm in that, right? Just giving her breakfast. I still have some batter left._ I mulled the thought over for a moment. I played with one of the pancakes with my fork.

...no. What an awful idea. These pancakes are kinda shitty, anyway. I took a sip of my drink to rinse the taste from my mouth. Too much batter. ' _I'd be doing her a disservice_ ', I thought to myself. This is the kind of cooking Natsuki would turn her cute little nose away from in disgust.

I almost dropped my fork.

_Natsuki._

Jesus, how the hell could I forget? She was coming over tomorrow to bake for the festival! I still had to get a shitton of supplies she wanted, and that would take at least half the day to do. Internally, I laughed. ' _I can't even get pancakes to taste good and here I am, going to bake cupcakes for a whole school.'_ I swiped up my plate and dumped the rest in the trash, putting the plate in the sink.

I hustled up the stairs. I snatched up my phone and tapped back to my last chat with Natsuki. She had sent me a carefully typed out list of various supplies, with the shop name of where to get them and their prices. I scrolled through it again, reading each one.

I glanced at my solid black laptop sitting on my desk, the screen closed. The charger port hung off the edge of the desk, the outlet plugged in.

Quickly, I sat down at my chair, propped it open, and started to type.

...

I stepped out in front of my wall-to-wall mirror, inspecting my wardrobe. My hair was combed back and to the side slightly, touched in place with a dab of gel and a spritz of hairspray. I was wearing a sleek, pressed black sweater with a white collar shirt underneath, with a pair of loose fit jeans and brown dress shoes to match.

I adjusted the sunglasses hanging from my collar. A very professional look, even if it's kinda going overboard. After all, I'm just going grocery shopping. Then again, if I run into somebody, I'd want to look good, no?

I glanced down to my phone, checking my Maps app. A five minute walk to the train station, then a forty-ish minute train ride to Tokyo. I rushed down into the kitchen and opened up a pantry. I snatched up two neatly-folded woven bags tucked away, and slammed the door shut. I grabbed my spare keys off the table, opened the door, took a parting glance around the living area, and left. The time was a quarter to 1.

The air was very cool (maybe 65 degrees) with light breezes, the sky still clinging to a hazy overcast. The streets were relatively empty, with a few cars whizzing on by, a few odd personas walking up and down the streets. I paused, feeling the wind blow against my cheeks, smiling. I twirled my house keys on my finger for a moment, hooking them to my belt loop. I dug out my headphones and started my walk.

' _Todays gonna be a good day. I can feel it.'_

The walk was a very brisk one, but pleasant. I passed by a few local shops just opening up for the day, nodded and kept on. The bus stop was sparsely populated, with only a bushy-bearded man (looked like an American) in a brown suit, a young couple with their bouncing baby girl and an elder woman with her foldable grocery basket waiting at the benches. I took a spot at an empty bench the furthest away and returned to my music.

The train silently pulled into the station, a silver line of cars with a blue-yellow stripe going all the way to the back. I paused, waiting for it to come to a stop. Everyone slowly boarded, paid their fare, and found a seat. The train was more packed, seats occupied by a mishmash of faces young and old, looking down at their phones and laptops. I walked towards the near back, where it was mostly deserted and took a window spot. I set my bags down and took out my phone.

A half hour later, the train soon reached the city limits of Tokyo, Japan's great capital. A mile or so away, towering above the forest of low buildings was the Tokyo Skytree, a bulky, metal-sheathed observation tower some 300 feet taller than America's World Trade Center. The twisting tower loomed above my little traincar, what remained of the overcast drifting across the thick spire on the roof. I pressed my face to the window, trying to take in it's full height. My eyes looked it up and down before the train passed it, speeding further into downtown.

In a minute, the train pulled into the main station hub. When it clicked to a stop, the train became alive, everyone trying to get out all at once. I waited for most people to leave before exiting myself. The station was swarming with people, moving about the little stores and heading out of the station into the city. I unplugged my headphones, paying more attention to my surroundings.

Sunlight breaking through the overcast shined through the open-ceiling roof. I mingled with the crowd, my empty bags clutched in my hand. I walked downstairs and reached the main plaza, where about a dozen people were enjoying their brunches. Metal tables and benches were spread out, a large water fountain crowning the center. I took a spot at an empty table, pulling out my phone.

I looked back to Natsuki's list. The first store was a few blocks away, and was due to open in a few minutes. I clicked my tongue. ' _Should've taken a later train.'_

Guess there's nothing else to do but wait.

…

Three hours later, both of my bags were stuffed to the brim. Natsuki's list had sent me running all over downtown, going to some of the most obscure shops that I couldn't have imagined someone like Natsuki going to. I did strike up a conversation with one of the shopkeepers, an elder man who, as shown in his tinted, aging photos hung up behind his counter, fought in the war. He immediately brightened up when I mentioned Natsuki sent me.

"Ah, Natsuki! Such a sweet girl! She has a keen eye for the best ingredients. I take it your her boyfriend?" he told me, taking a spot at his stool at the counter.

I felt myself blush. "Haha, no. Just a friend of hers." I awkwardly adjusted the bags in my hand.

He seemed surprised. "Really? A handsome fellow like yourself. You look like her type."

I laughed, trying to swing away from the topic. "I can assure you it's not like that. We're making snacks for school tomorrow together, and she told me to get the batter she needs here."

The man smiled. "A girl like her knows where to find the best! I've been in this business since after the war, when the Americans came in and rebuilt Tokyo from the ground up." He got up, going to his backroom, still talking.

"I value myself in my products, it's like a little piece of me. I always get up in the morning and head down to the market, for first picks." I could hear shuffling, a box falling. "Only the most brilliant and observant of eyes know where to find the freshest, the sweetest, the best of the best. Keen eyes, that girl."

As he talked, I took a moment to look more at the photos hanging up. In one I could see a group of men sitting down at a makeshift table (in a war setting), the Imperial flag of Japan hanging behind them. I squinted to read the date.  _Aug 1943_. They all had bright, wide smiles, holding their MREs up for the camera to photograph. True camaraderie and brotherhood, even if they were fighting for the wrong reasons, and they ended up losing the war a year or so later. I wonder how many in that photo lived to see the day...

He returned, holding another box of the batter I bought. He sets it down on the counter, slides it my way. "It's free. Tell her I said hello, if it's not too much trouble." I thanked him with a bow, took the box, and left.

I left the shop and started walking. By now the sun had broken up most of the overcast, the clouds offering no protection from the midday heat. Several blocks away, the red-white Tokyo Tower loomed, the structure glimmering in the sun's rays. The foot traffic was intense, as I had to squeeze my way through the crowds of businessmen and women, probably on their lunch breaks.

I reached a small market square, with rows and rows of trader booths and stands behind the gated entrance. A small water fountain with a spherical gold statue marked the entrance, encircled by benches. I sat down at one, setting my bags at my feet. I took a moment to catch my breath, and took out my phone. I scrolled to the Maps app, refreshed it...the next train back to Ichikawa wasnt due for another half hour. I sighed, slowly put my phone away. I dug into my bag and grabbed my unopened Ramune soda bottle, popped the top, and took a long swig.

My eyes glazed around, eyeing the market. People were huddled around various booths, inspecting the foods and products the vendors had to offer. Fresh fish, ripe fruits, knick-knacks for the rich foreigners, the works. Farther inside, I could hear lively music, sounded like a band and not just a recording. I shifted in my seat. I looked around more.

Various buildings surrounded me. My eyes fell upon a small bookstore, the glass door propped open. Some people were sitting at the shaded tables outside of the entrance, gated off. Underneath the green-white " _Junichiro Bookshop/Amenities"_ sign was a more crudely-printed " **New Shipments!** " banner, in Japanese. Through the window, I could see a cluster of people standing around, unmoving. From here, I couldn't tell what they were doing; I only saw their upper bodies.

I watched the activity in the window with vague interest. I checked the time again. ' _I guess I could browse around.'_ I thought, standing up and grabbing my bags. How convenient this is, thinking about it more. After finishing  _My Hero Academia_  (so far), I was interested in checking out the manga that came before it and seeing how it stacks up to the show, and the 'new shipments' sign gave me an inkling of hope they may have it in stock. If not, I could always look at some other series they have. Either way, it would at least kill about a half hour.

I gathered my things and made my way across the street.

I stepped into the store, which was very homely in tone. Several rows of brown bookshelves stretched all the way to the back of the store. A step-up counter was to the left of the door, with a smaller bookshelf behind it. Various posters of treasured Japanese literature as well as some more classical art hung up around the walls. Handmade paper ornaments hung from the ceilings. I could hear faint classical music, heavy with harpsichords. The air was pleasant and slightly cool, with a distinguished smell of cherries.

In the very back, I could see about ten or so people huddled around a low table draped with a white sheet, with an older woman sitting behind it, dressed formally. A short stand was next to her, with a posterboard of a book cover depicting flames rising from a darkly-outlined mountain. Through the smoke, I could see the silhouette of some sort of kaiju, like King Ghidorah or something. The date of release was June 2018, next year. Azusa Sasaki was her name. ' _An author.'_ I thought, absentmindedly. ' _Must be a meet-and-greet.'_

I wandered to the near back of the store, still holding my bags. My eyes followed the checkmarks organizing the various genres. Sure enough, there was a solid selection of manga resting on a shelf, in like-new condition. I bent down, scanning the titles. M...m...My Hero...aha! My finger touched a paperback set of the show, volumes 1-12. I carefully slid it from its spot and carried it with my free hand, the other two bags hanging from my other arm.

I walked up to the counter, holding the book in my hand. I slid it onto the counter and started pulling out some yen bills from my wallet. The woman behind the counter was fairly young (maybe a year or so older than me), with her hair tied into two braids resting on her chest. She quietly took my money and handed me a receipt. I started to head out the door, but my eyes returned to the group of people near the back.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I started to walk over to their congregation. I slowly crept up behind the group of people. Miss Sasaki was holding a book with what looked like the same cover on the poster-board stand. She was reading aloud…

" _...Mimura could hear The Subjects heavy footsteps as it slowly strolled around._

_She drew her gun close, checking the loadout. Still a few rounds left, but not like it mattered. Yards away, she could hear a deep snuffling sound, like a horse or a pig. Claws scratched across the metal floor. She could hear the animals deep breaths, the beasts ribcage rising and falling._

_It was searching for her, she realized._

_She shut her eyes, desperately fighting off the rising sensation of fear in her gut. She drew in long, slow breaths. Her hands felt slimy against the cold metal butt of her pistol. She couldn't stop her hands from trembling. God help her. God help her. God help her._

_With her free hand, she felt for the cyanide pill in her breast patch."_

She gently set the book down, face up. There was a round of applause, which I joined in with. Miss Sasaki stood up and started to gather her things, effectively ending the read-aloud. The group seemed to mostly disperse, a few going to her to ask for an autograph. I was about to leave when something caught my eye.

I stopped.

There she was. Her flowing black-violet hair going down her back, free of her school uniform. Faced away from me, ruffling through her knitted book-sack. Yuri.

"Yuri?" I said, aloud.

She turned to me, taken aback. She was wearing a neatly-pressed white button-up shirt (which, may I add, did wonders in showing off her mature figure). A brown belt held up her slim black pants, and her hair was combed back behind her shoulders, with none spilling out onto her chest. She was wearing a pair of slightly-thick rounded black reading glasses, perfectly matching her stylish black boots. A dash of concealer dotted her cheeks, with a small necklace of a silver metal eye hanging from her neck.

She stammered. "K-Kazuma! What a pleasant surprise!" She tucked some of her hair back behind her ear, face awash with blush. She clearly wasn't expecting to run into anyone from school.

I smiled. "It's great to see you, Yuri. May I saw what a lovely outfit you have on?" I said. I wasn't being phony; she looked drop-dead gorgeous in her outfit.

Yuri blushed, slightly turning her face away, hand up to her cheek to hide her blush. "O-oh...thank you. It's different from my school wardrobe, isn't it?" She said with a slightly awkward laugh.

I nodded. "It looks great on you. I love the glasses." I said, tapping my temple. She smiled in return.

"What brings you here, Kazuma? I never expected to see you in a bookstore." She paused, and stammered. "I-not that I'm implying your dumb or a-anything! I-I just, ah…"

I waved my hand slightly. "Nah, I know what you mean. I was just in the neighborhood because I was shopping for some baking stuff Natsuki needed for tomorrow."

She smiled slightly. "Oh, how considerate of you. Monika told me not to worry about bringing supplies over to her home, so I don't need to worry about that."

"That's cool." I lifted up my bags slightly. "I just finished my shopping and decided to pop on here to browse around." I tried to conceal the bag holding the  _My Hero Academia_ manga behind the other two, but I'm pretty sure Yuri saw it anyway.

Ah hell, why am I even hiding it, anyway? I remember telling her that I read mostly manga on my first day at the club...which was almost a week ago. Wow, time flies. A week ago I had no interest in joining a club on my own merits, and here I am about to bake snacks for one.

I glanced over at Miss Sasaki, busy talking to a trio of Japanese schoolboys (looked like fourth-years), silently nodding as she spoke, showing complete respect. "May I ask what brought you here?" I said, turning back to Yuri.

Yuri smiled, holding her hands together. "Oh, I was just here to attend a meet-and-greet with the  _Portrait of Markov_ author. You recall, the book I talked about in one of our first meetings?"

Ah, right. That twisted Nazi torture novel or whatever. That cover on the poster-stand definitely fell in tune with that sort of 'flavor' of writing, especially with that haunting little excerpt I heard a few lines of. I nodded. "Yes, I remember."

Yuri smiled brighter, excited almost. "It was wonderful. I got my original copy of Markov signed and managed to win a pre-order ticket for her next book," she pointed towards the poster-stand, ' _Subject DX',_ in a raffle contest. That is a prequel to one of her earlier works, which I've heard is similar in tone to Markov. It's another book I have been postponing on reading until I finish re-reading Markov _."_

I smiled, listening to her talk. Yuri was enveloped in her books, entranced almost, and it was pleasant to hear her so eagerly talk about something she clearly loves and cares about. It's a heavy change of pace from the persona I know from the Literature Club, usually so shy and timid unless otherwise revealed. Even if I knew next to nothing about Miss Sasaki's works, I still love hearing Yuri talk so animatedly about it anyway.

She stopped herself, blushed again. "A-ah, I'm sorry, Kazuma. You probably don't want to hear me ramble." She glanced away, washed in embarrassment.

I shook my head no. "Absolutely not. I love hearing you talk about the things your interested in. Don't think I don't."

She smiled again, looking up at me. "You...you really mean that, Kazuma?"

"Absolutely."

Yuri frowned slightly, almost in disbelief. "Forgive me but, its just...in my adolescence I was always shunned for having such a deep interest in literature like Markov. I was told to keep it to myself, or at home. Hearing you say that is…", she twirled a strand of her hair. "enlightening."

When I was looking up my next train ride back, I noticed that there was a coffee shop just a block or so away from the market. At least, I think it was a coffee shop. Hopefully it was open by now.

"Well, consider this a little sudden, but if you have a moment, would you like to join me for a drink? I know a coffee shop not very far from here. You can tell me more about some of the other pieces Miss Sasaki has written, if you'd like."

Yuri seemed taken aback. "R-really? Are you sure?"

I shrugged slightly. "Sure. I'll pay for your drink, if you want. I don't mind."

Yuri blushed feverishly. "Oh, there's n-no need for that. I can pay for my own." She paused. "Then yes, if you'd like to, I would be more than happy to join you for a moment." She adjusted the book-sack on her shoulder. "There's a lot I want to tell you about." She started to move to the door, and I followed her.

"Really?" I said, opening the door for her. "Like what?"

…

"No way."

"Yes way, Kazuma."

"But how? That doesn't even make any sense."

"Well, it would make sense if you read it."

Yuri and I were seated underneath a shaded table outside of the coffee shop I saw earlier. Thankfully it was open by this time of day, sparsely populated with mostly young faces, students and aspiring writers it seemed. We took a spot outside on the foyer and in a minute a waitress came to take our orders. A couple of blocks away, the Tokyo Tower loomed. From my seat, I had a perfect view of the tower, rising up to over a thousand feet into the sky, towering above the street.

Yuri took a moment to take a bite of her apple fritter, glazed to perfection. I sipped my steaming coffee, brewed heavy with milk and a dash of cinnamon shaving.

"The way Sasaki explains it is that the genetic coding of The Subject has the ability to quickly self-heal, even for large open wounds like gunfire or et cetera. During the story it's able to take on military-level fire and emerge just fine in the end, even with direct hits to the core regions of the body. That ability is the ultimate key to its survival and how it eludes the hunters for so long."

"So what, it's basically indestructible? How do they even kill it?"

"Ah…I shouldn't spoil it for you."

I set my croissant down, and looked up at her. "Oh come on, Yuri. Just a little bit?" I pinched my fingers together slightly.

Yuri playfully folded her arms, almost defiant. "No, Kazuma. Go read the book and maybe you'd learn how they kill it. Which they eventually do." She smiled.

I waved my hands in an almost defensive posture. "Okay, okay. I'll order a copy later when I get home. You've convinced me." I said with a light laugh.

We fell silent for a moment. Cars honked and sped down the busy street. A trio of people sitting at the table next to us started to get up and leave.

Yuri spoke. "So, how are you enjoying the Literature Club, Kazuma?"

I nodded. "It's been great. I'll admit I didn't have high hopes for me being in the club at first, but I'm pleased to say I'm loving it. All of you have been really sweet and nice to me, and I feel at home with you all. Forgive me if I haven't said it yet, but...thank you for being so warm to me."

Yuri nodded, smiling. "Oh, it is my pleasure. It's good you feel comfortable with us. I know Monika was especially worried that you might be," she made quotation marks with her fingers, "intimidated by us? It's silly I know, but ah...well, you  _are_ the only boy in the club so far."

"Yeah." I adjusted the cup on my dish. "Well, maybe that'll change when we present for the festival, right?" I said, referencing her last comment.

Yuri seemed to draw back when I said that. "A-ah...Kazuma, may I be honest?"

I nodded. "Sure. What's wrong?"

Yuri traced the rim of her teacup with her finger (just like she did the first day I met her). "Well...don't you enjoy the Literature Club the way it is currently? We are small, but closely-knit?"

I thought about it for a moment. It's certainly nice to be in such a small club (it feels more homely), but certainly Monika is hoping her presentation for the festival is going to draw in more members? If she wants to be able to compete and be on the level of the other, much more popular clubs, she's gonna want all the people she can find to join. As for me personally?

"Well...it certainly wouldn't hurt to have, like, one or two more new members. Not a whole lot, but a few fresh faces. What makes you ask?"

Yuri nervously adjusted her plate. "I...well, the idea to present at the festival wasn't my idea. Monika started it, and I was voted out 3-1 by the others. This was a while before you joined."

"Really?" I say, surprised. "Why did you say no?"

Yuri glances away. "I...I just...like the club the way it is. How small it is, I mean. I'm not pleased at the idea of there being a lot of people I don't know joining a club I find a lot of happiness in. I just...don't want that ruined…"

She glanced away again. "F-forgive me, that must seem so rude…"

I nodded my head no. "No, it's completely understandable. You want to keep things the same. Not wanting change is natural."

Yuri looked back up at me again.

"Well, I don't want to seem negative, but, I don't think you should worry about there being a line of people wanting to join the club after the festival."

Yuri gave me a look. "What makes you say that?"

My mind reeled back to my second day with the club, seeing the sign-up sheet hanging up on the bulletin board, with a row of empty name slots stretching down the end of the paper. Even so, it would be so rude to flat out say nobody likes literature the way the club does, especially to someone like Yuri. I'll reword it…

"Well, we  _do_ have a lot of competition. There's the computer engineering club, the culinary arts, political discussion, the anime club, theater arts…"

Yuri nodded. "Yes, there's a lot of other, much more established clubs out there. We only just formed the literature club a month ago. Some of the clubs have been here since before we even started Year One. And they have budgets, and fundraisers, and sponsors, and…"

Yuri trailed off. "Perhaps you are right, Kazuma." She took a sip from her glass of cream milk. "Maybe I am worrying for nothing. Chances are we may just be overlooked by other students, in favor of more popular clubs."

"Didn't Monika say she was going to perform a song at the festival?"

Yuri's face lightened, trying to recall. "Yes, she was supposed to. I remember Sayori getting excited like she usually does when she accidentally revealed it."

My heart stung upon hearing mention of Sayori. I wonder what she's doing right now? Probably at home sleeping or maybe out doing something with her family. Anything to keep the mind of of her constant negative feelings.

"Has Monika said anything about it since?"

Yuri nodded. "She mentioned that she wants to play the song for me tomorrow so I can give her a critique on it."

I paused thoughtfully. "That's...sweet of her. You'll have to tell me how it sounds. I bet it'll be great."

Yuri smiled, a trace of red on her cheeks. "Well, when Monika's the one behind it, you know it'll be something beautiful." Another pause.

"What about you and Natsuki, Kazuma?"

I glanced up from my cup of coffee. "Hm?"

"Well, out of everyone else in the club, you two seem to be getting along the best.

I could feel a heat rising to my cheeks. "Uh…"

Yuri stammered. "Oh, d-don't take it the wrong way! I just meant...you two have become friends, I take it?"

I swallowed. "Y-yeah, I think so. We get along pretty well."

Yuri smiled. "That's good. I see you got her a gift?"

I glanced up from my coffee cup. "Hm?"

Yuri glanced down under our table, and pointed directly to the bag containing the  _My Hero Academia_ manga set. "The manga you bought at the bookstore. Is it not a gift for her?"

' _So she did notice_.' I thought to myself.

I set the cup back down. "A-ah, well it was actually something I bought for myself." I said, shakily.

"I see. What series is it?" Yuri asked.

" _My Hero Academia_. I don't think you've ever heard of it."

"I think I have." Yuri ran her finger along the edge of her cup. "It's about, uh, superheroes, right?"

"Hmm...kinda." I shifted in my seat. "It's a world where a majority of the population has a 'quirk', or type of superhuman trait, say telekinesis or flight. The story follows this one boy, Midoriya Izuku, who was born without a quirk but adopts one from a famous hero, and he goes on to join a school for aspiring heroes. It's a good combination of slice-of-life, adventure and fantasy."

Yuri nodded silently, soaking in my very word.

"I think it's really good. It's not about horror, but I think you'd enjoy it."

"Does Natsuki like it?" Yuri said, almost cutting me off.

I paused. "I'm not sure. She's probably heard of it, at least. I only know she's into The Parfait Girls, which is pretty different from My Hero."

Yuri said nothing.

"You uh, you could ask her if she's heard of it…"

At this, Yuri blushed. "No, no...I couldn't…"

"Why not?"

Yuri looks...ashamed. "I...don't think Natsuki would want me to bug her."

"What? Why?" I said, puzzled. In the time I've known her, Natsuki never really showed any ill-feelings to Yuri, at least that I'm aware of. Unless that isn't the case?

Yuri continued. "I'm...I think it's because of how different we are, as people and as writers. You know, how she is very light with words whereas I prefer to be very 'heavy'."

She continued. "When we shared our poems we'd silently go back and forth on writing styles. I always defend my idea that, a majority of the time, being vivid with your words is a more satisfying means of writing, where she rebukes with the concept of 'less is more'. I'm not dismissing her, but I will still defend my arguments."

She glanced away. "Still, I think she doesn't like me. She probably thinks I'm trying to talk down to her, which I would never do. Considering how small she is, she's probably dealt with people being so condescending to her for her whole life. As a fellow writer and a fellow club member, I still respect her despite our differences. But...I don't think she knows that…" Yuri's deep, soothing voice chipped on that last line.

A silence followed.

"I really don't think that's the case, Yuri."

Yuri looked up at me.

"She's never told me anything bad about you to me before. Whenever she's mentioned you, it's always been in a good way. And she isn't the type of person to hate criticism just for getting it. If anything, she probably wants to learn from you to help improve herself as a writer."

Yuri sat silently for a moment.

"I don't know how she does it."

I blinked. "Sorry?"

"How can she be so confident in herself? With her baking, her manga, her writing. I can never reach for that sort of self-loving even if I try. Where I find it so hard to open up and discuss my writing unless otherwise, she eagerly shows it off and has a sense of pride over it I just can't find. How can she be like that?"

I didn't have an immediate response. "Well...I'm not sure how to answer that, Yuri."

She made a slight wave. "It's okay. It was a dumb question anyway."

"Maybe...you should ask her."

"What?"

"Yeah. Well, first actually message her. Start off with manga and say you were interested in it, and you wanted a recommendation. That's sure to get her talking."

"But...but what if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if I find that my worst fears are true?"

I shifted in my seat, looked Yuri in the eyes. "I can almost assure you that won't happen. Natsuki doesn't hate you, trust me. She's a lot nicer than you think."

I continued. "And I bet she wants to talk to you, as well. Maybe she even has the same sentiments that you have for her? You'll never know until you try to reach out."

I took a last bite from my croissant. "You should try to, and see what happens. Then build up from there. It's like that old saying,  _the greatest adventures began with a single step._  And here is your first step."

Yuri looked ready to tear up (I hoped she didnt). "Th-thank you Kazuma. I appreciate your words a lot. If I get a chance, I'll try to message her later today."

I smiled. "Let me know how that goes."

Yuri cleared her throat. "So...tell me more about this Midoriya Izuku character, if you don't mind. Who did he get his quirk from?"

…

Another hour passed, and Yuri and I continued to talk about  _My Hero_ Academia. I eagerly filled her in on the basic plot, the antagonists and where you could watch it (I recommended a few streaming sites). After that, I told her about a couple of more manga series and their adaptations she might like. She listened patiently, asking a bunch of questions about the plots and characters. She seemed very interested to know about what kind of series Natuski liked, but all I told her was (to her slight dismay) that'd she'd have to ask for herself.

Soon she got a call, and she told me she had to return home. Quite understandable, as it was starting to grow dark. I carefully took our table trash and dumped it, and said my goodbyes to her. I reaffirmed my promise to buy the book she so eagerly told me about (hopefully it doesn't cost too much), and started to head out.

I glanced down at my phone, seeing there were a few texts in the Literature Club chat. I opened it up...

_lilmonix3:_ Dont forget everyone's tasks for tomorrow! Yuri, feel free to come over at anytime you want, you already have my address. Just text before you show up. ;)

_happy-thoughts: ️_

_mangaislit:_ Kazuma did you get the stuff i needed?

I quickly typed.

_kodaka17:_ Yeah, just spent all day getting them fyi. Your welcome lol. Text me and I'll show you what I managed to find

I clicked my phone off and shoved it in my pocket. I paused for a moment to retrieve my headphones, untangle them and plug them into my phone. Up above, I could hear the silent  _whupwhupwhup_ of a passing helicopter. Night was beginning to set, the eco-friendly streetlights gently flickering on.

Waving a final goodbye to Yuri, who was standing by the streets edge waiting for a taxicab), I turned to walk across the street back to the train station.


	10. Sunrise

_You have unlocked a new poem. Would you like to read it?_

_YES. NO._

_YES. NO._

**I'm Sorry**

**I let all of you down. I've been nothing but a burden to the club, to my friends, to my family, to life itself. You can't imagine the endless pain I go through every day, knowing how truly worthless I am. A failure to society, to my school, to my loved ones. The crushing feeling that no matter how hard you try or what you do in life, you will never truly mean anything to anyone.**

**I just can't take it anymore.**

**Monika, I'm sorry I've let you down as a vice-president and as a friend. You must feel so ashamed to know me, but I hope this act will free you in some way.**

**Yuri, you're one of the most smartest people I've ever met. Even if I didn't understand your words sometimes, I still love hearing you talk. I know your gonna be a really good writer one day. I just wish I could be around to read them**

**Natsuki, you've always been such a sweet and nice person to me, and thank you for always making me treats (which are some of the best I've ever had). Thanks for being my best friend.**

**Kazuma, you've always been my dearest friend and I thank you forever for that.**

**I'm sorry for always holding you back and stressing you out over keeping me happy. Thank you for everything.**

**Mom and Dad, you don't have to worry about me anymore. You can live your lives on happy and not spend every aching minute stressing out over your damaged, awful daughter.**

**It's okay. You don't have to worry about me anymore. Finally the sunshine will make the rain clouds go away. Thank you all for everything you did for me, but I'm giving up.**

**Love, Sayori Asoka**

…

The bright chorus of the native white-eye birds fills the damp, morning air. Dew clings to my window, rolling down the window pane in parallel lines and pooling up in little puddles on my windowsill. Soft orchestral music plays from my phone, still hooked up to its charger on my desk. I stare into my bathroom mirror, adjusting my hair with a comb ever so slightly. Last night, I had stayed up cleaning and ironing my uniform out to make sure it was absolutely perfect and ready for the day.

It's Monday, the morning of the festival.

Monika had texted to the group chat earlier that she was already at the school helping out the student council with their preparations for everyone's booths. She had specifically requested that each of us show up on time this morning and come to the foyer to assist (mentioning she already had us four excused for first period).

It was 7:19am.

My playlist shuffles, switching to a slightly cheery piano tune. I listen, busying myself with brushing my teeth.

My mind swirls with the still-fresh memories of yesterday. Natsuki had came over as expected and we had spent almost the entire day together, laughing and experimenting with baking and enjoying each other's presence.

...

_The kitchen is a mess of dirty bowls, spilled flour and plastic bags filled with colorful frosting. In one corner sits a gigantic pink binder full of Natsuki's homemade recipes, the binder opened up to a random page of her 'cupcake' section. The small mixer that Natsuki had brought in her duffle bag sits plugged up next to it. The mixer wasn't big enough to mix all of the batter at once, so we've had to do it several times over._

_Natsuki stands next to me, leaning over to get a full view of my work. A gigantic bowl filled with the main batch of cupcake batter lays before me, along with a few smaller bowls._

_Natsuki points at the bowl._

" _Okay, now take the batter and start pouring them into the bowls."_

_Obediently, I set out the five bowls next to each other. I carefully grab the main batter bowl with both hands and slowly pour an even amount of batter into them._

" _Good. Now put a few drops of coloring into them."_

_I quickly take one of the bottles of food coloring and squirt a few drops into the batter. I repeat the process for the other four bottles._

" _Now whisk it."_

_I grab the whisk and start to swirl the batter around. I watch as the color swirl with the pale battering, slowly turning into the intended color._

_Natsuki pauses._

" _Alright. Let's move onto the icing."_

_Natsuki turns to face the counter behind us, where all of the icing supplies are sitting. Another set of bowls awaits, with various icings already poured inside. She walks up to the counter and grabs the whisker, hands it to me._

" _Okay, now start to whisk it."_

_Natsuki watches me whisk the icing for about twenty seconds, soaking in my every movement. I feel like I'm being interrogated for murder._

_She frowns at me, and I feel a icy heat crawl up my neck. I definitely messed up somehow. She clears her throat._

" _Um, why are you doing it like that?"_

_I pause. "Like...what?" I respond, hesitantly._

_She gives me a look._

" _Why are you doing it so slow? I'll be here all night if you do it at that pace!"_

_I feel a hot wave of embarrassment. "S-sorry, I just, ah…" I stutter, lost for a response. Natsuki scoffs, and makes a motion for me to move aside. I do so._

" _Kazuma, you can't be so gentle with it." She picks up the bowl I was whisking and grabs the whisk. "You gotta…" with ferocity, she starts to aggressively whisk the icing, "_ _ **really**_ _beat the shit out of it! Just beat it until it's down to a soup." She continues to literally beat it, an feverishly focused look on her face._

_I take a step back, anticipating disaster. Speckles of icing start to dot her apron. "Natsuki, you might want to…"_

_Without warning, the bowl slips from her hand in an almost comical fashion. Natsuki yelps as the bowl flies in the air and dumps the entirety of its contents onto me. My face, neck and apron are coated in the half-beaten blue icing._

_For a second, the two of us stand in silent shock. Natsuki's hands cover her face, red with embarrassment. Her voice cracks, "Kazuma, I-"_

_Slowly, I lift my finger up and scoop some of the icing from my face and bring it to my mouth. The most amazingly sweet and delectable flavors dance in my mouth._

" _Well, at least it tastes good."_

_Natsuki sputters, and breaks out into a shaky laughter. She covers her mouth with her hands, trying to stop herself. I join in on the laughter, slowly wiping away the icing with my hands._

" _Sh-shut up, dummy ahaha!"_

_..._

After I got cleaned up (it took me two showers to get the smell of blueberry icing out of my hair), we finished up with the baking and put the trays in the oven to cook. Natsuki seemed especially proud of my work overall, which made me especially happy.

When the cupcakes were finished, I helped her with the actual decorating. The idea she has was to spell out a word onto each cupcake with icing, so each guest can find a word they like and choose a cupcake based on that. After about a half hour, we had around fifty perfect, cute little cupcakes packed up in plastic containers and ready for tomorrow.

After that, we sort of lazed around up in my room, not sure of what to do next. As Natsuki told me, there exists an anime adaptation of  _The Parfait Girls_  (which I was immediately curious to see). I ordered us a pizza to split (with Natsuki ending up eating more of it than I did) and for the rest of the night, we just laid out on my bed and watched the first season, with promises to finish it later on someday.

When it started getting dark, her dad came by and picked her up, and that ended the night.

It was so...pleasant. Just being around her, listening to her animatedly talk about how loyal the Parfait Girls anime was to the source material. We talked about school, about the literature club, about our plans for the winter break (we made plans to hang out again like this sometime during) and about our favorite mangas.

' _I wonder what she's doing right now?'_ I think to myself. Probably getting ready for her day, I imagine. She had asked me to keep the cupcake containers at my house overnight (which seemed unusual to do, but I went along with it anyway).

Maybe I should text her…

My alarm interrupts my phone's playlist, meaning it's time to call Sayori to wake her up. I unplug my phone from it's charger, dial Sayori's number and hold my phone to my ear.

…thirty seconds of ringing follows...

I end the call and redial.

This time, the call immediately hangs up.

I frown, and open up my messaging app. I tap Sayori's icon and start to type. " _Coming over"._ I hit send and shove my phone back into my pocket. I head downstairs, grab my keys and head out the door.

In a few minutes, I approach Sayori's house. I open the gate and walk up to the door. I knock, and there's a pause.

I hear a rattle of locks, and the door quickly opens up. A burly-looking figure greets me. Barrel-chested with light stubble and neatly combed hair. The man is wearing a pale white (starch bleached) dress shirt, neatly tucked into his black slacks. A thick red tie hangs across his neck, unfinished.

He gives me a seedy glance, looking me up and down. "Can I help you?"

It's Sayori's father, Mr. Asoka.

I shift a little. Even years later, he's still as intimidating as when I was a kid. He usually was the one to oversee Sayori and I's 'playdates', and he always seemed a little more watchful of me than Sayori, making sure that I didn't do anything to embarrass or hurt her daughter.

"Ah, hello, Mr. Asoka-"

"Who are you?"

"K-Kazuma. Sayori's friend? From down the street?"

He smiles a little, but still gives me an off-putting stare (how he did that, I have no idea). "Ah. Come in." He moves aside for me to enter. I quickly step inside.

Mr. Asoka shuts the door behind me and locks it. I stand awkwardly in the living room, as he moves into the kitchen. He clears his throat. "You're here to walk her to school again?"

"Ah, yes. I called her this morning but she, uh, didn't pick up her phone."

"Hm." He opens the fridge and pulls out what looks like a coffee cake, resting on a plate. "Well,she's probably still asleep. You can go ahead and wake her up, or you could just wait down here for her, if you'd like."

In my head, I already know what option I'm gonna pick.

"I'll think I'll just, uh, go wake her up. We need to be at school early today for the festival, anyway." He nods. "Ah, right." He turns away from me, opening up the cupboard to reach for a glass.

I start to walk up the staircase to Sayori's room. Various photos of Sayori and her family, her wide smile adoring them all, decorate the walls. The photos are all very candid, set out in a picnic or a park or a zoo or wherever.

In almost all of the photos featuring a young Sayori, I recognize my younger self with her.

I slowly approach her bedroom door.

"...Sayori?" I tap my knuckle on the door.

No response.

I try again, a little harder. "Sayori, it's me. Kazuma."

I hear a light, surprised squeak, but it sounded almost constricted. No mistaking it was Sayori.

"S-Sayori? Are you okay?" I say, worry creeping up my spine.

I jiggle the doorknob. Locked.

A low, gurgling sound emanates from Sayori's room, painful and drawn out. A sound no human should naturally make.

I feel myself start to panic. I knock on the door again, jiggling the doorknob. "Sayori?" I repeat, fear taking hold of me. What's going on?

Downstairs, I hear Mr. Asoka call out, his voice still intimidating me. "Everything okay?" Fear locks in my voice, unable to speak. Primordial panic takes over my body, my heart and my thoughts.

I start to slam up against the door, trying to break it down. My hands are shaking, clenched into fists as my body rocks the door. The doorknob jiggles, the lock staying in place.

"What the fuck is going on up there? Sayori?" Mr. Asoka bellows. I hear footsteps booming downstairs, starting their way up the stairs.

Though muffled, I can hear ragged, quick gasps of air. From beyond the door, a choked voice, Sayoris.

"N..no!"

With all my strength, I burst down the door. The hinges creak as the door pops open, swinging into the dresser with a loud  _wham!_ I stand in the doorframe.

I can't comprehend what my eyes behold me.

Hanging from a thick, frayed rope is Sayori, her head tilted at an unnatural angle, the rope dangling her precariously in the air. Her chest is half-exposed, her nightgown unbuttoned slightly and drooping off her shoulder. A desk chair is knocked over underneath her bare feet, flinging aimlessly in space. Her eyes are cloudy and bleak, the blues I know washed out.

Desperately she claws at the rope around her neck. Blood oozes from her hands and dribbles down her arms, little droplets staining her shirt. Sunlight streamed in through her open window and reflected on her body. It gave her an angelic glow, but for all the horrifically wrong reasons.

Her eyes bulge out in horror and fear of my presence. A limp arm reaches out to me.

She attempts to speak.

"K-kzzm..hel…"

Her eyes flutter closed.


	11. Bottles

_**ACT TWO** _

_**A BRAND NEW DAY** _

Edogawa General Hospital was an eight story complex, a modern architecture piece completed sometime in the late 1990s, at the peak of Japan's cultural 'shift' into the modern, tech-embracing age. With exposed steel beams, all-shiny glass exteriors and lush with swamp oak trees, its stood out among the rooflines of the nearby homes and stores, one of the tallest structures in town.

The hallways were sterile white with checkerboard tile floors, various pieces of equipment kept outside the doors, waiting for emergency use. Bulletin boards and various posters advertising Japan's amazing healthcare perks and tips on hygiene adorned the walls. Nurses and doctors frequently walked in and out of the rooms, scribbling down furiously on clipboards and exchanging notes with each other (almost like a school). The halls were orderly and clean, and a janitor frequently strolled by in hunt of spare trash and dust to sweep up. Orderly and rigid.

I sat at the small bench just outside of Sayori's room, my head hung low and my hands buried in my face. A small water bottle a nurse handed me sat at my feet, unopened. I couldn't stop my knees from wobbling and, try as I might, I couldn't shake the horrific, sickening feel in my stomach. It had been hours since morning when I found her.

My mind forced itself to replay the morning's events in my head.

I immediately rushed towards Sayori and tried to get her down. Her father stood in the doorway, taken aback before rushing forward to join me. He quickly retrieved a utility knife from his pocket and slashed the rope tied to the ceiling with a swipe. He carried her in his burly arms and laid her down gently on her bed, and fumbled with loosening the rope around her neck. With shaky hands, I dialed emergency services.

An ambulance arrived in minutes, sirens blaring. Sayori was hauled away on a stretcher as stern-faced workers struggled to revive her. I climbed in the EMS car with Mr. Asoka, and I stood side-by-side next to him as the workers brought her to a steady breathing rate, and tried to soothe the lacerations on her neck with what they had on-hand. It was the most horrifically intense several minutes I've ever experienced.

Calls were made. Mrs. Asoka, busy at work at the time, quickly arrived at the hospital. I texted the Literature Club chat saying what had happened, to horrified reactions. After sharing her room number, the three said they were immediately on their way. I still hadn't heard back from them since.

Sayori's eyes slowly opened about a minute before we pulled into the hospital. The blues of her eyes were slowly returning, still with a glaze of gray. Mr. Asoka immediately rushed to her side, clutched her small, pale hand in his. Tears rushed to his eyes.

Sayori's eyes met mine.

They were...

The door clicked open. I snapped my head up, alert.

First a doctor stepped out, an older Japanese with grayed hair and circular glasses that dropped beneath his eyeline. Dressed in a drooping white doctors coat, he had a scratched clipboard tucked under his arm, with thick papers clipped onto it. He gave me a passing, sympathetic glance, then stepped aside so Sayoris parents could step out.

Mr. Asoka was gray, a blank, thousand-mile stare locked on his face. His eyes were heavy, an arm wrapped around his wife. Mrs. Asoka was a shorter, chubbier woman than my mother, with matching coral pink hair (albeit a bit faded) like her daughter's. Still dressed in her work attire, she had her face buried in Mr. Ashoka's dress shirt, stained with her tears, ugly sobs coming from her.

I felt the pit in my stomach lurch deeper. The pair continued down the hallway, Mr. Asoka slowly rubbing his wife's hair in an effort to soothe her. They didn't acknowledge me, more than likely blaming me for the entire thing.

The doctor approached me.

"Kazuma? Kazuma Odaka, is it?" I stood up from the bench.

" _Hai,_ sir." I gave a slight bow. The doctor smiled, appreciating the gesture. He stuck out a hand, which I shook firmly.

"I'm Dr. Nakai. I'll be the doctor looking over your friend Sayori."

He paused, and glanced behind me, watching Mr. and Mrs. Asoka walk away, turn the corner. He made a motion with his clipboard to sit back down at the bench. I did, and he took a spot next to me.

I didn't hesitate to ask the big question. "Is she-"

He gave me a bleary smile. "Sayori is fine, for the most part. The rope did do some light damage to her esophageal placement, but we've taken proper measures to repair that. Nothing serious or lasting. She's breathing just fine, so there's no issue about that."

Dr. Nakai paused, thinking over his words.

"The primary concern is the lacerations and bruising caused by the rope itself. It dug fairly harshly into her neck, and her hands suffered some moderate cuts and bleeding. Once again, she's being taken care of. She's been given some antibiotics to avoid a possible infection and some generous aloe vera to soothe the wounds, but the damage should heal in a few days."

He continued. "I've asked her parents to go to the cafeteria to try to clear their heads, ease their nerves a little. Right now, Sayori is currently resting, but she's in good spirits, to say the least."

On the outside, I nodded. On the inside, I grimaced at how far from the truth those words really were. Only I knew her suffering.

"It's...a miracle you found her at the time you did."

I glanced at Dr. Nakai. "Why is that?"

He paused. "While the rope didn't do any real damage, it very well could have if you found her mere minutes later than you did. Hanging survivors are often found much later, where the rope has been able to dislocate the bones in her neck, cut off her circulation, et cetera. Lasting damage that cripples people for life. And of course, some aren't, ah…"

He didn't need to finish his sentence. An eerie silence fell between us, thinking about the unthinkable.

"You should be thanking yourself, Kazuma. You saved a life today."

His words were thankful, praising, but they were hollow to me. They bounced around in my head. I should be feeling prideful, but instead I feel empty.

"C-can I…"

Dr. Nakai glanced at me.

"Can I see her?"

He frowned.

"I'd have to check with her, if that's alright. I'm not sure she's...ah, let me check." I nodded. He got up from his bench and re-entered her room, the door opened a crack.

Their words were muffled.

" _Mi...Asho...a boy...to you…"_

" _Who?"_

" _Kaz…daka…"_

A pause _._

" _Yes...please…"_

Dr. Nakai leaned back into the hallway, and made a motion with his clipboard to me. I got up slowly, my muscles aching slightly.

Sayori was propped up by a pillow against her head, her morning attire exchanged for a blearly hospital nightgown. Her hair was slightly ruffled, her bow sitting on the small, expandable tray attached to her bedframe. The small television attached to the wall droned on softly, switched to some random channel. A small, beige couch with a matching table was against the windowsill, with a nice view overlooking Edogawa. The curtains were closed slightly, with a thin ray of sunlight streaming in.

Sayori's eyes met mine, staring blankly. I didn't dare say anything. I felt like a stranger to her, awash with immense guilt and a lingering sense of...fear. I stood awkwardly behind Dr. Nakai, frozen. My palms felt sweaty, the sick feeling in my gut threatening to return. I fought back the urge to vomit.

Dr. Nakai patted me sympathetically on the shoulder, and quickly shut the door behind him. I felt a cold wave of air rush over me with the shut of the door. For a few damp seconds, it was just Sayori and I. Staring at each other, not a word escaping our lips but our minds talking at a million miles an hour.

"H…" my voice struggled to say. My voice croaked, rusted and shaky.

Tears rushed to Sayori's eyes. She buried her face in her shaky hands, her sobs muffled by her hands. Her entire body quivered, shaking with each sob. "K-k-k-k…." she mumbled.

I didn't hesitate in rushing up to her bedside, and quickly embracing her. She didn't resist, and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in tighter.

"I'm so...so...sorry...sorry...sorry…" Sayori cried, repeating the word over and over. Her tears wetted my blazer. I didn't even notice or care. I stroked her soft coral pink hair, trying to soothe her again like I did the Friday we had spent together.

"K-k-Kazuma…" she croaked, muffled. Her crying put a heavy strain on her voice.

My voice was heavy with worry. "Yes?"

"D-do you...h-h-hate meee?" she managed to say, her sobs breaking up her voice again.

I shook my head quickly. "N-no! H-how could you even think that?"

Fright flashed across her eyes. God, I didn't mean to almost yell at her, but I was so taken aback by the thought I couldn't help it.

"H-why? How could you n-n-not?" she said, staring into my eyes. "A-after everything I-I've...p-p-put you th-th…" her crying cut off her voice again. Her cheeks were flushed red, tearstreaks running down the side of her face. Driplets of mucus hung from her nose.

"Oh, jeez…"

I reached over to the small tray and plucked out a few tissues from a box. I quickly wiped away at her nose, tossed the tissue and reached for another. I held it up to her nose.

"Blow." I told her.

Obediently, she did. I quickly crumpled it up and tossed the used tissue paper away. I grabbed a few more and started to carefully blot away at her tears, combing back strands of her hair behind her ear.

I stopped, and slowly grabbed Sayori's small, soft hand, lightly wrapped in bandages.

"Sayori…" I started, my mind lost for words.

"I...you...I almost lost you, forever."

She numbly shook her head, bleary. I struggled to form my next words.

"I...I know you're going through so much pain and trouble. Pain I had no idea you were forced to bear, and I'm truly sorry for you having to go through it all, by yourself."

I sharply inhaled, my breaths shaky.

"But what you did...what you tried to do...is never the option. Never."

I gently cupped her cheek with my hand. Sayori stared into my eyes, glossy with tears.

"I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Sayori Asoka. You've always been my dearest friend, my first friend, and the only person I can truly be myself around. The only person I know that can help lift me up on my bad days, and I hope I can do the same for you."

I embraced her again in a hug. Sayori's arms gently wrapped around me, as I did the same.

"I'm always going to be here for you, Sayori. Please know that, despite whatever thoughts may come to you, I'm always going to be here to help you. You have to know this."

I could hear her sobs returning. I hugged her tighter, adjusting myself on the bed to be closer to her.

"I-I know...and I lo-"

There was a knock at the door. Sayori and I slowly released each other. I patted her hand gently and got up from her bed.

I opened the door, and was greeted to Monika's worrisome face. Natsuki and Yuri stood behind her, looking just as worried as their club president. They were still in their school uniforms. A white plastic band hung from their wrists, their admittance passes to the hospital.

"Monika-"

I was cut off by Monika embracing me in a tight hug, her arms wrapped around my back. I could feel her shudder slightly, her breaths shaky. "Oh thank God, you're here." she said lightly. I gingerly returned the hug, looking at Yuri and Natsuki. They gave me lukewarm smiles, the horror of the situation lingering above them.

Monika released me, and immediately rushed to Sayori's side. At seeing her distressed club president, Sayori once again broke down into tears. Monika immediately embraced her, with Natsuki and Yuri sitting beside her, patting her on the back and rubbing her hair to soothe her. I somewhat awkwardly joined them, and simply held Sayori's hand tightly, never wanting to let go.

Hours passed. Sayori was calmed down again, and we soon found ourselves just resting and relaxing with each other. I took the spot closest to Sayori, my hands still intertwined with hers. Eventually Sayori ended up falling asleep, so the four of us quietly talked amongst ourselves. Nobody wanted to talk about the festival (set to happen today), only interested in just enjoying each other's presence and being there by Sayori's side.

Sayori's parents returned, and we respectfully decided to leave and let them have more alone time with their daughter. We started to gather our things and head for the door.

I felt a firm hand rest on my shoulder.

"Kazuma," Mr. Asoka said. "Would you mind staying behind for a few minutes?"

I uncertainly glanced back at Monika and the Literature Club, lingering by the door. "Ah, sure." I replied. Monika gave me a look, then turned for Natsuki and Yuri to head out the door, quickly closing it behind her.

Ms. Asoka sat on the bed by her daughter, her hand resting on her thigh, rubbing it soothingly. Mr. Asoka rubbed a fleck of dirt from his eyes.

"We...we just wanted to tell you…" Mr. Asoka started, but he trailed off.

"How grateful we are for you. What you...did, today." his wife finished for him.

I shook my head. "Really, you shouldn't thank me. It was...something anyone would have done, in that situation."

"But it was you who did it, you saved her." Ms. Asoka continued. "You were the one who got up early to come see her and walk her to school every day. You were the one who was there for her, to encourage her to get up."

"If you didn't come this morning, I-I would have...she would have…" Mr. Asoka stuttered, tears beginning to choke his voice. It was distressing, seeing a man I had always feared and looked at as a burly, masculine figure crying in such a way. Ms. Asoka got up from her spot to console her husband.

I stood in silence, feeling more awkward than ever.

"Here." Mr. Asoka gently took Sayori's bow from her stand, and handed it to me. "I think Sayori would want you to have this."

I carefully took the bow from Mr. Asoka's hands, feeling the soft fabric of the bow in my hands.

"Th-thank you." I said, a smile spreading across my face. Mr. Asoka warmly returned it.

I glanced to Sayori, still sound asleep. "Are you two going to be alright? Do you need anything?"

Mr. Asoka looked back to his wife, who was sitting on the bed next to their daughter, gently rubbing her face. "I think we'll be fine, Kazuma. Thank you for asking."

I paused. "I should, uh, get going then. I'll leave you be."

Mr. Asoka nodded. "Of course." He got up to walk me to the door.

He stopped, and stuck his hand out. I gingerly started to shake it before he pulled me into a close hug, patting me on the back. I gingerly returned the hug.

"Thank you." he said quietly.

The door clicked close. The literature club was sitting on the bench I was seated at before, looking fairly glum. Monika was in the middle of talking to Yuri and Natsuki, who were both at her side, sympathetic. She glanced up, noticing my arrival.

"H-how could I have never known this, Kazuma? How?!" She said, shrilly. "She's my vice-president! I'm supposed to know everything about her! What kind of a friend am I?" Monika broke down into tears, burying her face in her hands. Natsuki and Yuri tried to console her again, but to no avail.

I took a knee in front of Monika, and pulled her close. I could hear her sniffling, trying to wipe her tears away. "Monika, everything is going to be okay. You have to understand that. Sayori is going to be okay. She just...needs time to heal. It's alright. Everything is okay." I hugged her closer, rubbing her back.

Monika sniffled. "You're right, Kazuma. I need to relax. Sayori is in good hands, and she's with us. I need to...relax." She wiped away the trail of tears running down her cheek with her sleeve.

A silence fell upon us.

"So what do we do now?" Yuri said. There was a pause.

Monika glanced up slowly, entranced deep in thought. With a renewed sense of energy, she stood up. "Okay." Monika sniffed, straightening her bow up, taking authority. "Okay. We...let's just go home, or go out somewhere to clear our thoughts. Sayori is going to be safe and sound here, and...we-she's going to be okay. She's going to be okay, and that's all that matters at this point."

The three of us slowly nodded in agreement.

"We...I'm going to talk to the student council and let them know the situation. We're not going to have our presentation without our vice president. Hopefully she can recover before the festival ends. We can all agree to that, right?"

"Of course." Natsuki chimed.

"Absolutely." Yuri said.

I just nodded.

"But, where should we go? Back to school?" Natsuki said.

Monika paused. "Well, we're technically excused for the whole day, so we don't  _have_ to return to school. I can pay for us to go somewhere to eat or something, if everyone wants to…"

Natsuki glanced away. Yuri seemed pleased at the thought. "Well, we could try going out to a cafe or a shop, or go to one of our houses."

I interjected. "If you want, we could go over to my house. I could order us a cab and we could be there in a few minutes. I have snacks and all that stuff, and my parents are at work, so it would be just to ourselves." Pause. "Just offering that."

Monika smiled dimly. "I like the sound of that. What about you two?" she said, turning to the duo. "Any objections?"

The pair glanced at each other, and shook their heads no. Monika quietly clapped her hands together. "Alright, then. Shall we?" She said, looking back at me. And with that, the four of us started down the hallway.

In my hand, my thumb gently rubbed against the silk of Sayori's bow.


	12. The Festival, Part One

Days have passed since that morning. It feels like years to me.

Sayori's condition remarkably improved, in both her spirit and her body. I made the effort to visit her each day after school, making the mad dash to the hospital grounds to see her as soon as possible. After that, I would stay by her side and be there for her until it came sundown, or until the staff informed me it was time for curfew.

Each time I stepped into her room, her smile was there to greet me.

I kept in close contact with her parents, usually dropping by early in the mornings before school to check up on them. A nice cup of tea was always prepared for me by Ms. Asoka, and Mr. Asoka was always warm and courteous, clapping me on the back and treating me like a father would his son. It was an oddly warm feeling, being so welcomed by him when beforehand it seemed like we were on thinning ice in the few times we interacted before that morning, but I gladly accepted it.

For the time being, Monika decided to postpone 'official' Literature Club meetings until Sayori returned. In its place, we mostly just hung out in the clubroom and continued to refine our plans for the festival. A majority of the time was spent rehearsing speaking aloud to the audience, working out our stutters and shakes in our voices. Sayori, to loving reactions, always joined in via video-chat, keeping the mood light and happy, her bright laughter filling the room through Monika's laptop.

The school was understanding of the situation and agreed to reschedule the Literature Club's planned presentation, now shifted to the second to last day of the festival (which spanned across the week and ended on the last day before the winter break). It threw quite the wrench into the schools planned schedule, but it was done, with the culinary arts club taking our time slot. The school made it clear they couldn't push the presentation any further (as it would mess with the grand finale for the festival), and, despite there being no official word on if Sayori would even be out of the hospital by that time, we went along with it. We were essentially living on hope.

Finally, the word came, the night before the Literature Club's presentation. Sayori, after being intensely looked over by Dr. Nakai, allowed for her to be released, just in time for her to appear at the presentation. It was as if a great weight was lifted off our shoulders when we heard the news.

We patiently waited in the lobby of the hospital, thumbs twiddling, waiting for Sayori to be officially released. We looked fairly out of place, mixed with the elders and small children (" _shouldn't they be in school?_ " I heard one woman say), but we didn't care. The minutes felt like eons.

Soon, Sayori and her parents walked through the double doors of the infirmary. Dressed in her school uniform, she looked about as normal as ever. When she spotted us, she broke out into a bright smile, the smile I always knew, only this time it felt genuine. We all rushed up to greet her, arms open.

For a brief moment, Sayori and I exchanged warm glances before Monika rushed up and embraced her vice-president in a tight hug, much to Sayori's surprise.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" Monika asked her, a happy tear blooming in her eye.

Sayori paused.

"Hungry".

We arrived at the school just in time for B lunch. Seamlessly, we blended in with the swirling crowd of students eagerly lining up for today's menu. On the koi pond foyer, I could see students and teachers helping set up the booths for tonight's events. Despite Monika, Yuri and Sayori not supposed to have this specific lunch, they decided, just this once, to cut class and have a school lunch together. Like a family.

When we all sat down at the table, Monika was the first to speak.

"Okay. So here's the plan."

Monika's plan was fairly simple, but tricky to pull off without a problem. Monika was going to start off the presentation with a short, heavily-prepared speech about how valuable literature is to the world, and what joining the literature club can do for you. Very artsy and poetic, written in Monika's trademark blend of professionality and personality. Afterward, each of us (ordered by Monika, Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki, then myself) would go up to the mic and read our rehearsed poems.

To finish it all off with a cherry on top, Monika would play her self-written song to the crowd, and that we'd split up and enjoy the rest of the festival. Not as grand as some of the other club presentations (you should have seen the anime club's...), but it's something you would hopefully think twice about. At least, that was the idea.

Monika speared some of her ranch-dripped salad with her fork. "So that's that. I hope everyone knows what poem they're going to read?" She looked expectantly around the table.

Yuri smiled faintly. "Ah, y-yes."

Natsuki nodded, her mouth full of her bento lunch. "Mhmmph." She started to reach into her bag.

Sayori smiled. "You betcha! I have it saved on my phone." Eagerly, Sayori whipped out her phone and started to type.

I took a bite of my fried rice. "Yeah, I finished the final touches last night. I'm honestly excited to present."

Monika smiled warmly. "As am I, Kazuma. This is gonna be amazing!"

After that, we finished up our lunches and talked about what we would be doing after the presentation. The whole time, I couldn't help but feel Natsuki's eyes on me, glancing away whenever I looked up. With Sayori's situation, I admittedly haven't been talking to her as much as I'd have, but hopefully we can make up that lost time at-

The bell rings. The cafeteria becomes alive with students getting ready to return to class. Monika and Sayori get up, entangled in a convo about possible Literature Club meetings over the break. Yuri is out the door already, her book bag bouncing on her shoulder.

I felt a light hand tap me on the shoulder.

"Hey, wanna walk with me to my class?" I hear Natsuki's sweet voice say.

"Ah, s-sure." I respond, hearing my voice skip a beat.

We slowly head out the door and mingle with the crowd of students. Natsuki is shuffling through her bag while she walks, her fingers running across the next issue of Parfait Girls. She quickly closes up her bag and slings it across her shoulder. Double-checking to make sure it was there, I guess?

"So um, I was just thinking-and you don't have to do it if you don't want to," Natsuki starts to say, "but, um, maaaybe after the presentation you'd want to...to…", she loses her train of thought.

_This can't be. Is she…_

_...is she trying to ask me out?!_

"Explore the festival with you? Yeah, I'd love to." I say, barely even thinking twice about it. Are you kidding me? I'd want nothing more than to spend a little bit more time with her.

Natsuki smiles. "Cool."

I don't know why, but something compels me to speak about the...situation, we've all been dealing with.

"So um...I'm sorry for not, y'know, texting you that much this week. What with how things have-"

Natsuki looks awkwardly at me. "Are you kidding me? Of course I understand. Don't...don't worry about it. Sayori, in her state, takes priority over any of us."

She stops herself. "Oh...well, maybe you should be spending the f-festival with her, then…"

I linger over the thought. Maybe I  _should?_ I'm not really sure. I mean, I have been spending the whole week by her side, and I've definitely seen her a lot. Certainly she wouldn't mind if I just spent the rest of today with Natsuki.

"Ah, I think I'll just ask her later on. Even if she says she wants to, we could always just spend the day together tomorrow? It's the finale of the festival, after all."

Natsuki thinks it over for a beat. "Yeah, true."

We approach her classroom door, biology. The last few students are slowly trickling through the door. Yknow, standing together like this, we kind of look like a-

"Alright, well…" she give me a gentle wave. "Bye."

I feel a heat rising to my cheeks. "Bye." Natsuki turns and walks into her class.

I pause for a moment, letting the sunlight streaming in through the hallway windows wash over me. What a week it's been. And it's only gonna get crazier, I feel.

Not hesitating, I turn on my heel and head for my class.

…

Sunset was starting to glaze over our town, the soft golden rays of sun streaming in through the windows of the clubroom. The blinds were raised slightly, with one of the windows cracked open to let cool air blow in. Out on the foyer, the lights of the booths and tables were starting to shine. Down below, I could hear the energetic chatter of students and teachers, ready for the festivities to begin. A variety of smells (oils cooking, foods frying, candles being lit) swirl in my nose.

We had organized some of the desks into a little table, with a few select snacks and drinks set out. Yuri's phone was plugged up to the teacher's speaker set, playing choice cuts from Yuri's music selection. The smell of Yuri's relaxing jasmine oils fermented the air, admittedly putting me in an intoxicating sense of ease (I'll have to ask her where she buys them later). I was seated at the makeshift table, Yuri and Sayori adjacent to me. Monika was busy talking to Natsuki at the teachers desk, enveloped in a quiet, hushed conversation. I couldn't make out their words well, but I think my name came up-

Monika glanced up at the wall clock and got up from her spot. She grabbed her drink and clinked the glass with her pen. "Hey, everyone? Can I have everyone's attention?"

We all glance at Monika.

"I'd um…" she pauses. "I'd just like to say thank you, to all of you, for making the literature club what it is. When I first made the club, I never expected anyone to join, and I was preparing myself to end up shutting it down early."

She continues. "But, everyday I'm reminded how thankful I am for all of you joining me. You all have truly made this club a special place, in many more ways than one."

"Even if we don't get a single new member after tonight, I'd still be happy. Why?" She smiles. "Because I still have you all."

"Aww, Monny…" Sayori said, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "That's so sweet."

"And finally, I'd just like to say...thank you, Kazuma."

I look up, surprised. "What for?"

Monika smiles. "Well, what else for? For putting up with us for so long, for putting in the effort to write a poem in the first few days you joined, for helping us out with the festival, and for being there for all of us when we needed someone to be."

"You really are one of a kind, Kazuma."

I couldn't hide the blush in my cheeks, the wide smile spread across my face.

"Awww, Kazumaaaaa! You're blushiiing!" Sayori cooed, setting down her drink. She embraced me in a tight hug, which further reddened my blush.

The clock chimed. 7:00m. The Literature Club was the last to present at around 7:35, but it was considered disrespectful to skimp out on the other clubs presentations, which were about to start.

Monika quickly grabbed her black purse and picked up her spread of notebook paper, filled with words. "Okay everyone! Ready to go?"

...

The school foyer was transformed. Rows of booths were set up, with colored ribbons and banners stringing them together. The area around the koi pond was decorated with softly-lit lanterns, the glow reflecting across the water. Dozens of students were spread out across the main area, sitting and chatting, bountiful plates of food in hand. The smells were rich, fresh with the sizzling hot food being served. It made my mouth water, but I shoved the thought of hunger aside. There would be plenty of time to eat afterward.

We stepped into the main school building, which led into the auditorium. Some fifty feet high, it was expansive, with rows and rows of wood chairs stretching to the front of the stage. More banners were hung up across the walls, showing off various colleges and universities.

We quickly took our spots at the reserved 'club section' towards the front of the stage just as the lights started to fully dim.

On the stage I could see our vice-principal, Ms. Kajo, a slightly older woman with strands of gray in her brown hair. Dressed in a red pantsuit, she stood at the front of the mic, with a row of teachers and staff seated behind her.

"...please allow me to introduce our wonderful principal, Mr. Hideko Terai!" Hearty applause followed.

Our principal, Mr. Terai, took the stage. He was almost elder, around 50-ish with a balding head and hawkish eyes. Dressed in a slightly baggy gray suit, he waved gingerly to his audience before taking the mic from his vice principal.

"Thank you! Thank you all for coming tonight for our school club presentations for the 2017 to 2018 year!"

"As you come back from the winter break, it's very important to keep the idea of joining a club or two, not only to keep you occupied, but to make you more desirable for future colleges and universities you'll be applying to as seniors."

"Studies prove that students who were apart of at least one school club have a 40% higher chance of being accepted to the school of their choice than a student who didn't join clubs at all! Think about that."

Sayori jokingly nudges me in the shoulder. "Think about that." I stifle a laugh.

Mr. Terai shuffles through his notecards.

"The three great clubs we have presenting tonight are the Japanese history club, the Veterinary Studies club and the Literature Club. These clubs are recently formed and are now taking applications for the next semester, so be sure to talk to their club presidents if interested."

He clears his throat.

"Without further ado, let's begin!"

First up was the Japanese history club, with an intriguing mini-play showcasing, in two minutes, the history of our nation from our roots as an imperial empire to the gleaming democratic power it is today. A well-designed slideshow briefly going over Japan's rich history (from our days as an isolated empire to our status as an Asian superpower) followed as their club-president, a brown-haired senior, announced they were already planning a class trip to Hiroshima and Nagasaki for the next year. When he finished, I heard murmurs behind me of students wanting to sign up after the break.

Well, good for them.

Next up was the veterinary club, ready with a litter of adorably fluffy, mewling kittens to show off on the big screen, a camera connected to the projector high up on the ceiling. Massive waves of awws and ' _so cuuute!_ ' as the little fluffballs flopped around and played with each other on a little table. As one of the boys from the club was telling everyone the names of the kittens, I couldn't help but notice that their presentation didn't really specify what they do in the club (even if it was in the title of the club), but regardless, it had everyone's attention.

Mr. Terai took to the stage a final time, taking the mic from the ashy-brown haired girl, presumably the club president. In Mr. Terai's hands were a couple of slightly-crumpled notecards. He shuffled through them quickly.

"And lastly, we have the...Doki Doki Literature Club, led by-" he glanced down at his notecard "-President Monika Sehlke!" Whoops and cheers went up at mention of the name. Through the darkness, I could see a smile spread across Monika's face, enjoying the praise of her fellow students.

"They will be sharing some of the poems they have written over the past few week, followed by a song performance. Let's have a big round of applause for the Literature Club!" Mic still on hand, Mr. Terai started to clap, the sounds clipping in on the mic. He quickly clicked it off.

I took a shaky breath, my hands becoming slick with sweat, trembling with nervousness. Oh shit, this is really happening, isn't it? It's happening. I looked at Natsuki. I could see her almost trembling, hiding her face with a strand of her hair.

The roar of the applause swelled in my ears. I took a deep breath, just as Sayori and Yuri were starting to get up.

Here we go.

We started our way towards the stage.


	13. The Festival, Part Two

"Heya, everybody! How are y'all doing tonight?"

Lots of whoops and whistles from the crowd.

"For those who don't know, my name is Monika Sehlke, and I'm president of the Literature Club here at Yamaku High School. Formerly, I was apart of the student council, political debate club and environmental science club, but as I'm sure some know-"

_"Marry me, Monikaaaaa!"_

Huge laughs. Even Monika is holding back a chuckle, masked behind a fake blush. She plays with a strand of her hair. "Wellllll, as much as I'd like to, I don't think I'm in you're league, sooo…" A sneaky smile crosses her face.

The crowd oohs, heads turned back to the now gun-shy boy, wishing he was anywhere but here right now. Not glancing up from her paper, Yuri mutters. "It's like a school idol project or something…"

The four of us were all standing offstage behind the velvet red curtains, just out of sight from the crowd. Backstage, the ropes of the heavy curtains were hanging, all the way down to the floor, sandbags holding down the ropes. Stacks of unused chairs and props from last year's theater performance were stored. The air was slightly humid, the backstage area without air-conditioning.

Monika gripped the mic in her phone, the cord twirling in her finger. She slowly started to walk around the stage, her hair flowing free of it's ribbon. She really was a natural at public speaking, a born showman. The audience was captivated, by her looks and her demeanor.

"I formed the literature club to be a refuge for the inspired, a place where the like-minded, the imaginative and the creative could come to workshop the little sparks of ideas in their head and turn them into something great."

She continued, "It may not seem like it, but the importance of writing and free-thinking cannot be understated. With all the craziness going on in the world right now, in the age where controversial opinions are trying to be silenced and those who voice them to be shunned, free thought cannot be understated as a valuable asset to the human mind."

"I can't…IcantIcantIcant…" I hear Natsuki mumble under her breath, her voice distant and trembling. The thin sheet of paper she's holding starts to crinkle in her shaky hands.

"Natsuki, what's wrong-" Yuri started to say, but she was cut off. "I can't, I'm so sorry but I just can't." Her face was flush red, her eyes wide with fear. Without warning, Natsuki bolted away, heading down the backdoor stairs leading outside. The door clicks open, and she's gone in a flash.

"Oh, nooo…" Sayori says quietly, burying her face in her hands.

"Natsuki! Wait!" I say after her, trying to keep my voice down so the audience couldn't hear. Already a few heads were turning in our direction, at the sound of the door. Monika glances over from her spot at the stage, trying to conceal the look of worry in her face. Her eyes speak volumes.

She looks at me and mouths, "what happened?"

I glance at Yuri and Sayori. Yuri is awkwardly shuffling her papers around in her hand, nervously trying to avoid the situation. Sayori gives me a bewildered look. She shooed me away. "Go! Go after her! Hurry!"

I start to run towards the door, slamming it open with my shoulder. The hot air outside blasts me in the face.

Monika glances back to the now-worried crowd, regaining her footing in her head. She gives an airy laugh. "Ah, sorry about that. Someone, uh...ahah, it's not important." She cleared her throat. "Now, where was I?"

…

"Hey!"

"Watch it, dude!"

"Look where you're going, asshole!"

"Excuse me, excuse me! Coming through! Sorry!"

The festival was in full swing, with the sun already beginning to set across the school grounds. Wafts of smoke from the various foodstands was drifting into the sky, the smells entrancing. Hundreds of students, still in uniform, were mingling between the booths and stands. The booths in this area ran parallel, but all met up around a small area with tables and benches. Nightfall was beginning its approach, with the first twinkling of stars up in the sky glooming.

Up ahead, Natsuki's pink hair was sprinting away from me, her ribbons bouncing. She was ducking and weaving her way through the crowds of students, and disappeared in a flash.

"Natsuki! Wait!" I yelled for her, but she didn't slow down.

I broke through the crowds of students to the sitting area. Dozens of students (mostly couples) were sitting down already, enjoying their hot meals and cold drinks. A few gave me an odd look, but said nothing and returned to their activities.

I swiveled my head around. Where did she-

Dashing towards the seniors building, I saw a flash of pink. Dazed, lost, scared. A deer running through traffic.

'She's going back to the clubroom.' I realized.

I started to make my way towards her. Natsuki paused for a moment. "Natsuki! Hey!" She turns at the sound of my voice, and starts to run off. She has the lead, but I'm catching up to her.

She breaks free of the crowd and runs towards the entrance to the seniors building. She swings open the door and dashes upstairs. Muffled through the glass, I hear her voice, bitter. "Go away!"

"Natsuki, please!" I swing open the door and dashes up the stairs.

I turn the corner to see Natsuki running towards the door. She glances back at me with panicked, fearful eyes. She jiggles the doorknob.

Locked.

She yanks on it harder, but to no avail.

Defeated, she leans back against the door and slides to the ground, burying her face in her arms. Ugly sobs emit from her shaky body.

I slow my approach, cautious. "Natsuki, I-"

She cuts me off. "What do you want?!"

"I-I just want to help you…"

"Help me? You can help me by getting away from me!" Her voice is sharp and doused in hatred. I feel a dropping sensation in my stomach. Dread. Fear. Agony.

I ease back a step. "But, what about the presentation? We need you…"

She sniffles, wipes her eyes with her hand. "No, you don't. My poem is fucking shit. Nobody's gonna like it. I don't even like it. And I know you won't."

"Don't say that. I'm sure it's a great poe-"

She stands up. "Yeah sure, that's what you always say about stuff I do. You can quit being fake, I know you don't mean any of it."

I'm taken aback.

"Wh-what?"

"Seriously! Buying me food, reading with me, sitting with me at lunch? Saying how great my poems are? Nobody's ever given me that sort of attention before, it's weird!"

I feel my heart start to crack on the inside.

"Fine, let's say you are being genuine. Why do you do it, huh? Why are you care about me so much? Every time someone's even given me a shred of affection, it's because they wanted something from me! So what is it, then?!" Her voice cracks, enraged.

I'm speechless.

"I-I…I want…"

…

In life, you're expected to make big, great, possibly life-changing decisions on a daily basis.

It can be anything; a new backpack for school, a lease on an apartment, proposing to the love of your life, going left instead of right down a two-way road.

Even for the littlest of things, it can have a huge impact. Buying a certain bag over another, and getting noticed by the popular kids and growing to become more included in your social life. Signing a year long lease for an apartment that you find out has a bad issue with termites. Taking the left turn instead of the right and getting into a fatal accident.

The truth is, life is all about that, sometimes. Going into the unknown, taking a huge breath before diving into the water. If you constantly shield yourself from that which you don't know (or understand), you'll never experience life on the other side.

I really did take a huge gamble with that night. Reading that particular poem, walking a certain someone to class and taking the tardy for my own, going after Natsuki at the risk of ruining the whole performance...but knowing what I know now...I wouldn't dream of doing anything different.

Not for the world.

...

I pushed my lips to Natsuki's.

She tasted sweet, of strawberries and cherry blossoms. Her lips are soft and pert, silky as a baby's skin. I feel an immense heat rise to my cheeks, my face turning a deep shade of red.

For a brief moment, Natsuki does nothing, awash by the surprise of the moment. A few beats later, she pushes me in the chest, defensive (almost angry). "Hey, dumbass!" She growls. Why would you do that?!" Her voice is seething.

I immediately feel a hot wave of embarrassment and fear. Oh God I fucked up so bad she hates me and shes gonna tell everyone and I-

She grabs my blazer and pulls me in, relocking the kiss. Her arms wrap around my back, as I do the same. I can feel the quick rising and falling of her chest, the quick heartbeats as my chest presses against hers. We stay in this position for maybe fifteen, twenty seconds, the best of my life.

She breaks the kiss.

"I wanted to be the first one to do it."

We relock the kiss, for a few moments. We both fall back against the door of the clubroom for support. Natsuki's fingers dig into the back of my hair, enveloped in the moment. I adjust how I'm standing so I can bring her closer to me, her warmth radiating on my body.

My heart is pounding out of my chest, my mind still unable to comprehend this. It doesn't even feel real, my lips pressed against hers. The thing I've been praying to happen is happening.

She fucking likes me!

Finally, I pull away. "Hey, so um…"

She looks at me, slightly worried.

"We should... probably get back to the others."

"Ah...right…" she says, her voice low. She clearly didn't want this to end, at least not so soon.

I gingerly extend a hand out to her, which she happily takes. Her fingers entwined with mine, and we start to walk towards the stairs.

She nuzzles her head into my shoulder. I can feel her warmth on my shoulder, her cotton candy pink hair brushing against my blazer. I feel like i'm about to faint. Can this really be happening? Is this reality?

If this is heaven, I never want to leave.

…

We slowly make our way down the stairs outside, my hand locked with hers. Natsuki's hands were small, gentle, their small size dwarfed by mine. I could feel the shakiness in her hand slowly fade, her fingers clenched closer.

We move past the crowds of students, tracking our way back to the auditorium building. The back door was propped open just a crack, cool air from the inside blowing out through the crack. I quietly open the door, careful not to make too much noise.

Yuri and Sayori are standing by the door. A look of relief washes over their faces when they see us. Monika glances over, then back to the audience.

"Uh, would you excuse me, everyone?" She quickly clips the microphone back onto its stand and rushes down to meet us.

She quickly embraces Natsuki in a hug. "Oh, sweetheart are you okay? You had me worried to death! What happened?"

Natsuki squeezes my hand. "Ah, s-sorry Monika, I just, um...got stagefright. I'm okay now." She smiles slightly. Monika nods. "Alright. Do you think you can still perform?"

Natsuki nods.

"Okay, because you're next to go up honey. I've kinda been stalling for the past five minutes…"

Natsuki tenses up. "Wh-huh? Now? But ah…" She takes a moment to reaffirm herself, straightens up her posture, and takes a deep breath. "Yeah, I can go. Let's go."

"Okay! Good." Monika says with a smile. She turns to walk back to the microphone. Natsuki moves to join her, but I gently grab her hand.

"Natsuki."

She looks up at me. I don't think I've ever seen a pair of eyes as glossy, rosy or as perfect as hers.

I give Natsuki a quick peck on the cheek. Brief, but soft. Passionate. Filled with love. I see the redness return to her cheeks. She glances away from me.

"D-dummy…" I can't help but smile.

"And next up we have Natsuki! Let's give her a big round of applause!" Monika starts to walk back to where we are, making a small gesture with her hand to get going.

I gently put my hand on Natsuki's. "Okay, go." I say, motioning to the stage. Natsuki gingerly starts to walk out into the pale lights of the stage. Monika takes a spot next to me. Beneath her breath, I can hear Monika speak softly, pride lacing her voice. "I knew she had it in her…"

Natsuki slowly walks across the stage, unfolding her piece of paper and smoothening it out with her fingers. The polite applause from the audience continues for a few moments.

Dead silence follows.

Natsuki clears her throat.

"H-hello...my n-name is Natsuki Tamura and I'll b-be reading, um…"

She glances to us, off stage.

My mind doesn't think twice. I point to myself, make a heart gesture with my hands, and point back to her.

She glances back to the audience. "I'll be reading Because You, one of my personal favorite poems that I've written...for someone…"

I feel a warm smile spread across my face as my heart starts to flutter.

She adjusts the mic and starts to read.

"Because you,

Tomorrow will be brighter with me around  
But when today is dim, I can only look down.  
My looking is a little more forward

Because you look at me.

When I want to say something, I say it with a shout!  
But my truest feelings can never come out.  
My words are a little less empty

Because you listen to me.

When something is above me, I reach for the stars.  
But when I feel small, I don't get very far.  
My standing is a little bit taller

Because you sit with me.

I believe in myself with all of my heart.  
But what do I do when it's torn all apart?  
My faith is a little bit stronger

Because you trusted me.

My pen always puts my feelings to the test.  
I'm not a good writer, but my best is my best.  
My poems are a little bit dearer  
Because you think of me.

Because you.

Because you.

Because you."


	14. Starved

**Five Months Earlier**

The human body is, truly, a masterpiece of evolution.

Three million years ago, some groups of tree-dwelling apes that resided in the grasslands of Africa decided to climb down and live on the open fields. They were hunch-backed, not very intelligent, and easy pickings for something like a lion or a jaguar. There was nothing extraordinarily special about their species, perhaps doomed to be an easy lunch had the dominos of life not knocked in their favor.

Over time, those primitive apes started to stand upright, to be able to peer over the tall grass of the African fields. Over the course of millions of years, their brains doubled in size, they stopped slouching and grew stronger, learning to utilize tools and hunt for food and form tribes and clans and expand their influence across the planet. Three million years later,  _homo sapiens_ dominate the world.

Scientists estimate the normal human body has over ninety billion nerves, each delicately but precisely connected to function in perfect unison with one another. They control muscles, bones, arteries, organs, eyes, senses, all without ever stopping. Not a millisecond goes by without your body beating and flowing and rising and falling and expanding and living.

But, despite it's breakthroughs in evolution, the human body is susceptible to grave weaknesses. A strain of virus coursing through the bloodstream will ruin the inner systems of the body. A bite from a poisonous animal will send the poor victim into a coma. Fatigue. Concussions. Shock. Hypothermia.

And hunger.

The last decent meal Natsuki Tamura had eaten was around three or four days ago (she really can't remember), a pot of spicy noodles made up of various scraps of meats and whatever spices she had found in the cupboard. Her father had eaten a majority of it, leaving Natsuki with about two bowls for herself (plus the broth to turn into a soup she had already gone through).

He's eating, somewhere. Natsuki knows it. Out with his fucking friends or whatever cheap escort he could find at a low-rate  _rabuho_. If he wasn't, he'd bring home the bare essentials and force her to make something for him (and leave her with whatever was left). Other than a new case of whiskey or whatever corner store hooch he can find, he never brought food home.

His daughter was an afterthought to him.

The ramen wasn't very filling, but it kept her from passing out from hunger. At least, for a few days. Usually there was just enough in the cupboards for a snack to make; a jelly sandwich, fried eggs, maybe oatmeal with some cinnamon, but she was running dangerously low on the bare essentials to make something edible, even with her cooking skills.

Had it not been for the two cases of protein bars she had been carefully rationing (and hiding from her father under her bed), Natsuki would have died a week ago. Stopped showing up to class, a welfare-call made, a body taken away in a draped sheet.

_Would he even mourn?_

School was always a drag. Natsuki would just blow through the work and write in her notebook until it was time to leave, but it was loads better than staying at home. Shut in her room with the door locked and barricaded. Headphones on, trying to let the world around her dissolve and disappear into the Internet. Constantly distracting her mind away from the biting, sinking feeling in her stomach, the growing shakiness in her arms, the rubberiness of her legs.

A feeling she hasn't escaped for maybe a solid week or so. It always crept on her.

There wasn't anything for her to do during lunch, aside from smell everyone else's food and try to fight off the hunger growling inside her. She didn't have many friends, and the few that she did have didn't share a lunch with her. Natsuki often just sat alone, her notebook open to a dog-eared page filled with prompts or a drawing. Hopefully she didn't look  _that_ pathetic to the people passing her by.

But then again, nobody ever stopped to say hello to her. Or ask how she was doing. Or acknowledge her.

_Some things never change._

Natsuki sighed and closed her notebook, hastily shoving it into her bookbag. She couldn't even think; her hunger was growing.

Natsuki reached into her bag, digging for the protein bar she packed this morning. She at least had the foresight to pack one, something to snack on until she got home and ate a few more. She knew that there was at least one food pantry open, but that was a good several blocks away from her home. She could get home, gain some energy, and then try to-

It wasn't there.

Natsuki felt panic creep up her spine. She rooted into her bag faster.

At the bottom of her bag, she felt a slight tear in the fabric. She quickly lifted it up onto the table and looked at the bottom. A hole the width of a bottle had been torn open. Not big enough for something like a textbook to fall out, but the right size for...a protein bar.

The pink-haired girl felt a lead weight drop in her stomach.

" _Now I'm really fucked._ ", she thought to herself. The wobbliness in her legs seemed to grow bigger, the fuzziness in her eyes streaking her vision.

Her mind clawed for a solution. She had to eat  **something**.

Her mind buzzed, and a grim idea came forward.

It was desperate. It was weak.

It was weak and pathetic and could potentially get her in trouble and maybe even sent to a foster home if they found out the true extent of her home life, but Natsuki had to risk it. Otherwise she'd collapse in her next class.

Natsuki didn't think that the dumpsters behind the school had locks on them…

Hastily she stuffed her papers into her bag and slipped it over her shoulder. Slowly she started to walk out the cafeteria, walking past the long bulletin board across the wall…

She stopped, and glanced back at the wall.

Among the sea of posters and graphics and random slaptag arts, Natsuki saw a glimmer of pink.

It was a new poster, starkly different in design from the usual black-and-white posters whipped up in Microsoft Word in five minutes. This one was...genuine. A nicely printed sheet of paper with a stylized font. Little drawings of stacks of books and pens doting the corners.

At the top was the clubname, a drawing of a pen beside it.

"Doki Doki Literature Club."

...

"I can't believe you dragged me out of study hall just to help me look for your keychain."

"Awww, come on Monikaaa! What would you rather be doing; practicing on your little piano or spending time with your amazing vice president?"

Monika paused. Hidden from her view, a playful smirk crossed her face.

"Piano's pretty fun."

Walking behind her, Sayori stuck her tongue out. "Rude."

Nobody gave a second glance when Monika Sehlke and Sayori Asoka stepped into the cafeteria, brushing past the students going in and out the glass double doors. Monika's hair was let loose from her traditional ponytail, flowing freely down past her shoulders in glossy, perfect curtains. Sayori's hair was a bit of a mess, an ocean of coral-pink dotted by a lavender bow.

They had met completely on accident, but Monika still vividly remembers the day…

" _That's not what I'm trying to say, but sure. Whatever, Alexis."_

" _Then what are you trying to say, Monika?"_

" _I just think that overall, the way we structure our arguments should be more passive than stating the facts all the time. It feels emotionless."_

" _Judges don't care for tears, they care for content."_

" _So? That doesn't mean that-"_

_**CRASH!** _

_Monika felt her olive green lunch tray flip into something, some_ _**one.** _ _She felt drops of wetness fleck her cheeks, but otherwise didn't get anything on her. The sound of crashing silverware and broken plates echoed across the cafeteria._

_Three hundred pairs of eyes turned to the sound._

_Monika opened her eyes and gasped._

_The girl she had walked into was staring down at the floor, hiding a wobbly frown. Monika took her in; shorter than her, coral-pink hair, red bow, unbuttoned blazer._

_A blazer, vest and skirt now smeared with a healthy serving of ranch dressing, tomatoes and lettuce._

_The entire world stared at the kettle of awkwardness. Monika Sehlke just dumped her lunch on some random girl._

" _O-oh my gosh!" Monika stammered. "I-I'm so sorry! Uhh, let me just-"_

_Monika reached out to try and remove some of the pieces of salad clinging to the coral-haired girls blazer, but she spun on her heel and ran away, dropping her own small plate. Monika could head ugly sobs trailing from her._

_Monika didn't even think twice. She started to call after her, ignoring the stares following her. "Ah, wait! I'm sorry!" She quickly left the cafeteria, trying to stop the girl._

_After searching the school halls for a bit, Monika found a dirty blazer slumped against the door of a bathroom, not far from the cafeteria. Monika went inside and saw only a pair of feet in one of the stalls, an orange blazer crumpled beside it. Monika could hear quiet sobs coming from the stall._

" _Hello?" Monika cautiously said aloud._

_The sobs stopped for a beat. A sniffle._

" _Y-yes, t-that's my b-blazer out there. I'm s-sorry, I-I just-"_

" _No no, I'm not a faculty. I'm the…" Monika trailed off. "I'm the girl you walked into."_

_Silence. "Oh...I-I'm still s-sorry..." Another sob._

" _No no, it's all my fault. I'm really sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going a-and I...I have some wet wipes in my bag if you need them, if you'll let me help you try to clean your clothes off."_

_A deathly silence rung in Monika's ears._

" _Please."_

_The bathroom stall clicked open, and the girl slowly stepped out. Puffy redness circled her eyes. An attempt was made to clean the salad off herself, to little effect._

_Monika sighed. "Well, I do have some clean clothes in my bag if you want them, um...what's your name?"_

" _S-S-Sayori…" the girl mumbled, barely audible._

Monika still remembers helping Sayori clean up in the bathroom, helping her re-do some of her makeup and giving her the spare clothes she kept in her bag (because if a zombie apocalypse were to strike Japan, Monika Sehlke would be prepared with a shotgun and first aid kit in her bag).

After that, Monika had asked for her number, in an attempt to make 'peace' and be friends with her. Monika gave it completely expecting it to not go anywhere (I mean, would  _you_ want to talk to a stranger that dumped their lunch on you, accident or not?), but Sayori was actually the first to text, later that night.

It was a cat meme.

The two became fast friends. As it turns out, Monika has a lot in common with Sayori, a lot more than she did with her friends from debate or politics club or the honor society. They liked the same music, the same make-up, the same movies, the same snacks, the same...well, you get the idea. They were practically like sisters, in that sense.

And Sayori was so...wholesome.

It mystified Monika how the human embodiment of a puppy could be so confident and happy almost all the time. Even things that would piss the hell out of most people didn't even faze Sayori.

Like this one time the two went out to eat together at this cafe. After waiting 20 minutes to be served, they were presented with the wrong order. While Monika was fuming and ended up waiting another 10 minutes for the food she ordered to arrive, Sayori didn't even seem to notice that she was not given what she paid for. The second the plate was in front of her, she started to chow down.

After they left, Monika asked her about it. "You know that food they gave you wasn't yours, right?"

Sayori gave her club president a puzzled look. "Really?"

"Yeah, you ordered the chicken alfredo and got coconut shrimp."

Sayori thought about it for a beat.

"Oh yeahhh...well, it was still good anyway!" she said, before happily skipping to the street corner to press the crosswalk button.

_When life gives you lemons._

Where Monika gave Sayori tips on make-up, fashion, and studying, Sayori returned the favor by a genuine friend. Best friends. They texted daily, occasionally video-chatting from their houses, laying in their beds. Monika had even invited Sayori to spend the night a few times at her house (" _It's like a castle!_ ", Sayori first exclaimed when she was greeted).

And eventually, the two came up with the idea of starting a club together.

"What even makes you so sure you left it here?" Monika said, pausing to take a sip from her water bottle.

" _Because I had to have!_  I had it in gym class, I had it in biology, I had it in chem lab, I had it in lunch, and now I don't have it! Ergo, I had to have left it here...somehow."

Monika rolled her eyes. "Can't you just get a new one?"

Sayori seemed aghast at the thought. "Of course not!"

"How come?"

"B-because, Monika! That one was special! I got it at the Osaka Film, Dance and Art Festival! I don't even remember what artist it was!"

"Mmm...fine." Monika said, accepting she was gonna be forced to look for it anyway. "But don't blame me if I can't find it."

The two walked up to the second floor seating area, which offered a sweeping view of the entire cafeteria building. Rows and rows of tables full of students stretching back, circled by a lavish water fountain. Sunlight streamed through the wall-to-wall windows.

The booth Sayori and Monika sat at earlier was empty. Sayori skipped towards it and started to pat the seats down, intently searching.

"Mmm...I don't see it." Sayori mumbled. Monika glanced at the other tables. Surprisingly, nobody else was up here.

"What about the stairs? Maybe it fell off your bag when you were trying not to trip down them." Monika said, hiding a smirk.

Sayori glanced up and shot Monika a look. "Rude." Sayori brushed past Monika and started to slowly inspect the stairs like a union investigator looking for cracks in the cement. Monika sat at the top of the stairs, pausing to check her phone.

After a minute of hard looking, Sayori leaned back up straight. "Nooo...no luck." A frown creased Sayori's face. "Maybe it's somewhere…" the bow-headed girl trailed off. "Monny, look."

"I'm looking, Sayori." Monika mumbled, a little peeved Sayori called her by her "nickname".

Sayori tugged Monika up at her sleeve. "No,  _look._ ", she said, pointing into space.

Monika sighed and glanced up from her phone. She looked down to where Sayori was pointing, off towards the bulletin board. She could see it-well, her.

Someone was looking at their poster.

"You know," Sayori said. "I think that's the first time I've seen anyone even look twice at our poster."

Monika frowned. She knew Sayori was right; it had been two weeks since the Literature Club officially formed, and there wasn't any hope of a new member. Monika had tried her best to sway some of her friends to join, but they always phonied up some lame excuse to not go to at least  _one_  meeting.

_So much for friends,_ Monika thought to herself.

Her eyes skitted back to the pink-haired girl, still looking at the poster. She  _had_ to be, Monika thought. Or, hoped she was.

"Maybe we should go talk to her?"

"What? Isn't that weird?"

"Oooonly if you make it weird!" Sayori said with a smile that could melt hearts. Monika glanced at Sayori, her eyes eager.

She only sighed.

"Fine, but you start talking to her first."

...

" _Like to read? Love poetry? Enjoy a cup of tea and a good book? Then join the Literature Club, with meetings every Wednesday after school! We hope to see you there!~"_

Natsuki reread the poster again and again.

A literature club? She didn't know Yamaku had one. How long has this poster been here? Maybe it was put up yesterday. Didn't Yamaku need five members to become an official club? Who was in charge of the club? A teacher? Monika Sehlke sounded like a teacher's name.

The idea of joining a club was one Natsuki hadn't considered. When the semester started, Natsuki had ruled off just about every club that was available at the time, except for the anime club. She remembers going to the next meeting that week and being forced to make small talk with the, shall you say... _bottom-feeders_ of the social food chain. While the rest of the club sat around and watched Darling in the Franxx and made jeers when Zero-Two's ass was in frame.

Natsuki didn't go back after that. She couldn't help but see there were no other girls at that meeting.

Still, maybe this Literature Club was different. Instead of mouth-breathers and boys who could used some dandruff shampoo, it would be a club full of bookworms and future Harvard graduates. She could fit in, right? Then again, all she ever read was manga-

"Heya!"

Natsuki almost leaped out of her skin.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" the voice said, giggling.

Natsuki turned to face the voice. A girl, a little taller than her, with a beaming smile and hair like the prettiest colors of a sunset. Behind her was an attractive looking girl, with flowing brown hair and emerald green eyes. She looked rather embarrassed, pretending to type at her shut-off phone.

"I just umm, couldn't help but see you were looking at...that-poster! Yeah." The bow-headed girl tripped over her words a little.

Natsuki blushed. How long did they watch her just stare at this piece of paper? They probably came here to laugh at her.

"Oh um, yeah...I was just interested in this club flyer...thing. Yeah…" Natsuki almost mumbled that last part.

"Oh, cool! Dooo you have any questions?"

Natsuki blinked. "Questions?"

"Yeah! You  _aaare_ talking to the president and vice-president, after all." the bow-headed girl said proudly.

The emerald eyed girl seemed to blush, sinking deeper into embarrassment. She must've put her up to this.

"Yyyeahh, uhhh, hi..." the pretty girl finally said. "My name's Monika and this is Sayori. Like she said, we're in charge of the Literature Club

"Ahhh, Natsuki. Nice to meet you both."

There was a pause.

"What-umm...wh-what do y'all usually do there? A-at the literature club." Natsuki finally said.

"Oh, welllll…" Monika trailed off. "We usually just sit around and talk about a certain book or a concept. Since we just started we haven't made an offical schedule or anything, but we did want to start reviewing one during today's meeting."

"Um, how many people are in the club?"

Monika glanced at Sayori, who gave a slightly downcast expression.

"We uhhhh, ahah...i-it's just us two so far." Monika said sheepishly.

"Ahhh, I see.", Natsuki said.

_Just them two? They don't seem like the snooty types to me. Maybe it's not how I thought it would be…_

Monika tried to keep the ball rolling. "Wwwwwellll, like the poster says, we're having a meeting today if you'd want to stop by. We have drinks and snacks and stuff, and we picked out a topic that we think is pretty interesting."

It sounded painfully sad, but Natsuki's interest grew a lot more at the promise of free food.

"Oh, that sounds cool." Natsuki said, trying to walk the line between genuine interest and not being  _too_ interested. "What's the topic you picked?"

"Japanese comics, specifically manga and stuff like that.."

Was this club made for her or something? This had to be a calling of some kind, Natsuki thought. Food, people that might enjoy her presences, and talking about her favorite thing in the world?

Natsuki smiled dimly. "What room is it in?"

_At least she's asking where it is,_ Monika thought to herself. "Room 217. In the seniors building."

Natsuki shifted the bookbag hanging off her shoulder. "Wel, IIIII'll be sure to drop by then, Monika."

Monika smiled brightly. "Awesome! Guess we'll see you then!" She nudged Sayori on the shoulder, who was busy staring at a bird perched against the window. "Excuse us, but we need to get to our class."

And with that, the pair made their way out the door even doors.

Natsuki took a moment to process what had just happened. Not only had she (seemingly) made two new friends, but now she also had a reason to stay out of the house more even if it was just for a day a week. Suddenly, the gnawing feeling in her stomach seemed to wash away, taken over by a sense of...purpose. Something to look forward to, at least.

_I wonder what kind of snacks they have._


End file.
